Scythe & Sparrow (The Ruinous Love Trilogy, #3)

by Brynne Weaver

If you hit someone in the back of the head hard enough, you can pop their eyeballs right out of their face.

“You look like a TV doctor. Dr. McSpicy or something. What are your credentials?”

“Rose is my pequeño gorrión. My little sparrow. One of my best performers.”

I draw the Star. Hope on the horizon. Because in killing, there can be living. There can be rebirth.

I might have been abandoned here, left in a cage. Maybe my wings have been clipped. But I can still fly.

Lachlan was right. I’m knee-deep in my peak “Hallmark Sad Man Cinderwhatever” era.

I realize how minimal my life has become. How monochrome. It’s just work. Gym. More gym and more work.

“To be honest, I was relieved it wasn’t the raccoon again. Do you know how hard it is to get a codeine-addicted raccoon out of a ventilation system? Fucking hard.”

I know what it’s like to hide, and I know what it’s like to be found. It can be exhilarating to be seen. And it can be terrifying to be exposed.

While Lachlan is a broody asshat, Rowan is fucking nuts, and will go to literally any lengths to make a point or get what he wants, no matter how reckless or ridiculous or absurd.

“So why didn’t you? Why did you help me?” “Because you asked me to,”

On paper, Rose is dangerous. A murderer. And I’m an accessory to her crime. But she doesn’t feel like someone to fear. She feels like someone to trust. And that scares me.

Pain dulls with time, but can still linger, waiting to be polished so it can shine once more.

I thought I loved her, and maybe I did love the idea of her. But more than that, I wanted the life I had envisioned for us. A safe and secure and straightforward marriage.

His shorts come just above the knee but they’ve ridden higher with the way he’s sitting. Since when have I been attracted to a guy’s legs? Since now, I guess.

Sometimes, I think right might not be good. And wrong might not be bad

Because the more women I meet like me, the more I believe the rules were never made with us in mind.

“It wasn’t really by choice. But I’d take a raccoon to the face for you any day, Rose Evans.”

“So cute yet so murdery,” I say, stuffing the gloves in my back pocket. “I think we’re kindred spirits, Barbara.” She growls.

I feel like I’m losing my grip on reality. Like I’m not the man I thought I could force myself to be. And that makes me infinitely more dangerous than she is. Because while Rose knows what she is and what she wants and how dark she’s willing to be, I still have no idea what I’m truly capable of. Or what will happen if I let myself go.

“What about you?” “I’m her doctor, for one thing.” “Forbidden. I like it. Makes it ten times hotter.”

It’s the tension that comes with wanting so much more than you’re willing to take.

And for the first time, I ask myself: What would happen if I stopped trying so hard to be a different man?

I can tell. This woman is happy. At least, as happy as she’ll let herself be. For now.

For a flash, I can see it. My own fairy-tale ending. A quaint little house. A happy little life. My own little bit of magic. But it’s just that. A flash. A little trick. Because that’s a life not meant for someone like me.

It’s that I can’t get away from all the things I convinced myself I never wanted. Not when I’m encased in them.

But need is a venom. It burns. It claims. It conquers and defeats you. And I surrender to it.

Rose knows what she wants. And it’s intoxicating to know that what she wants is me.

But what if you couldn’t find me?”

I hold her gaze. The urge to kiss her steals my breath. It takes every last thread of my restraint not to do it, and it leaves nothing else behind. Maybe she won’t see that every barrier I try to keep up has crumbled, if only for a heartbeat, when I say, “I will always find you, Rose.”

And I’ve seen the worst in people. I know what they can do to one another. But I trust you. Maybe you should trust yourself too.”

“It’s okay to love your darkness and still love yourself. It doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you a whole one.”

“I guess it makes sense now.” “What does?” “Why you never embraced the darkness inside you,” I reply, giving him a faint smile. “They expected you to rise above it. To be the man they couldn’t be.”

“You don’t have to try so hard to be somebody else,” I say, and Fionn meets my eyes. “I like the dark too.”

I’m not a sociopath. I’m not cold and remote, emotionless about the world around me. I harbor anger. I want vengeance. And I feel fear.

“Have you ever heard of Giulia Tofana?” she asks. I shake my head when I open my eyes and meet her unwavering stare. “She was an Italian woman in the seventeenth century. She made a poison from arsenic and belladonna. As the story goes, she disguised it as face cream, so all a woman would have to do is come to her asking for Aqua Tofana. Many of those women were just like Lucy. And I thought I could be just like Giulia. For a while, I guess I was. But sometimes …” she says, turning her gaze from mine, her eyes glassy as they fix to the horizon, “sometimes you fuck up. You make a mistake. And when I fucked up, it cost the wrong person their life.”

Getting away with something bad but so very, very good. And it unleashes all kinds of dark and dangerous magic in me.

A one-two punch. I feel like I’m back in the ring and this time, I’m getting pummeled by Rose instead of Nate. And honestly? I think she could take me. She’s scrappy as fuck.

But I finally realize I don’t care about the illusion of light anymore. My Rose blooms in the dark. And all I want is to grow there with her.

“What are you doing?” “I’m, um … working …?” “And by working you mean running around yelling, ‘Come get me, you ugly piece of shit,’ and laughing maniacally?”

“I need you too,” I say, my heart a molten core in my chest when her eyes flutter closed as my caress trails down her cheek. “I think I always have. I just didn’t realize how much until you showed up and changed everything.”

No one has ever looked at me the way she does. And I’ve never wanted anyone like I want Rose. Never admired anyone, never been as enchanted or enthralled by anyone. I’ve never been as awestruck by anyone, this woman who doesn’t just live her life but blazes through it like a comet burning through space, setting fire to the sky. I’ve never wanted to open up the darkest corners of my soul and show them to anyone like I have to Rose. I’ve never loved anyone like I love Rose.

“I cannot. Risk. You. I will not.

“Being on the road … being the way I am … It’s hard to find someone. Even harder when you’re not afraid of the dark. I thought maybe I did find someone, this time.” When I meet her eyes, the smile we share is bittersweet. “You did. You’ve got me, always. You’ve got Sloane. We’re not afraid of the dark. And we’re not going anywhere.”

“You know what they say about the circus.” “What, that the show must go on?” “No. That the show can’t begin until you jump.”

“Lark is my girl,” I say. “I’m going to get her back.” “But—” “I love you, Fionn Kane.”

And I realize, I don’t need him to say anything at all. I know how I feel. And it’s still enough magic to be real, even on its own.

I don’t know what trials I’m about to face. But I do know one thing as I feel the weight of this last secret lift from my soul. The show can’t start until you jump.

It’s as though I’ve spent years looking at a broken puzzle, and with one final piece, everything suddenly fit together. Everything makes sense because of Rose.

You’ve been running from any love for so long you didn’t know when to stop.