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July 7 - July 12, 2025
Every spare minute I want to spend with Rose. She’s funny. She’s whip-smart. She’s unpredictable. She lives her life with a wide-open heart, like she loves every piece of herself and isn’t afraid to show it. She embraces everything from her fucked-up chaos to her brilliant, bright light.
“I’m channeling Art the Clown from Terrifier, but make it cute, with like, Dracula’s grill from Renfield. You like?”
“I’m so conflicted. I want to fuck you so badly but I also fear for my life. It’s like wet dream nightmare fuel.” “Honestly, that’s the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard. Though I’m probably not supposed to say that. Rules and shit, right?”
But I finally realize I don’t care about the illusion of light anymore. My Rose blooms in the dark. And all I want is to grow there with her.
“Do I look like the kind of guy to pass you over to some idiot in a uniform when I can settle the score myself?” His leather gloves creak. His fists tighten. The knife glints in the dim light. My own mask of makeup tightens on my skin as I mirror his smile. “Do I look like the kind of girl to go down without a fight?”
If I don’t kill Matt Cranwell, he will kill me. And he will take Fionn down too. I cannot let that happen. I look left and right but there’s no sign of Matt Cranwell.
“Holy fucking shit, it’s true. I hit you so hard your eyeball popped out.” I retch, barely managing to swallow down a swell of nausea. The lids are pulled back across the bloodshot globe, making him look both surprised and cartoonishly angry. I retch again. “Put it back in, for the love of God.”
“Help? You want someone to help you?” Fionn shakes his head. “Do you really think I would ever, ever let you threaten her and walk away? Do you seriously think you could hurt her, and I would just let you live? You don’t deserve mercy. When have you ever given that to anyone else? So the only thing I’ll give to you is suffering.”
A tear breaches my lashes. Another quickly follows. “I’m sorry,” I say. Fionn breaks his haunted, motionless vigil. He strides toward me. And the moment his lips touch mine, I know I’ll never be the same.
Desperation and relief, pleasure and need, hope and secrets. All the things I think we both still want to say but are afraid to put out into the world in case they’re too fragile to thrive in the dark. But they’re still there, blooming in the night.
I’ve never wanted to open up the darkest corners of my soul and show them to anyone like I have to Rose. I’ve never loved anyone like I love Rose.
“You need to leave,” I whisper. Rose props herself up on her elbows, searching my face. Her skin glistens in the dim light with every breath, and I want nothing more than to feel her warmth again. “What do you mean?” “I need to call someone to help with this,” I say with a nod to the wall behind me as I pull my jeans and briefs up.
“We can’t, Rose. But I know someone who can help.” “I can stay. I want to.” A thread of panic weaves its way through her voice when she says, “I don’t want to leave you alone here with this.” “Rose,” I say, my shoulders falling when she shakes her head. “I can’t. I’m the one who did this, and I’m not going to risk you getting caught up in the aftermath.” Tears shine in Rose’s eyes as she sits up. “But—” “Please,” I say, kneeling in front of her. I take her face in my hands. Her lip wobbles with mounting worry and the effort to hold back tears. She tries to shake her head, but I pin her with a
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Familiar Boston streets pass by the window. And I feel like a ghost in this city. Because my life is in the hands of the devil. And my heart has burned to ash.
But on the other hand, I’m already mourning something I wanted but never had. I was just starting to take steps in a new direction. I don’t want to go backward now. But there’s no other choice.
Even harder when you’re not afraid of the dark. I thought maybe I did find someone, this time.” When I meet her eyes, the smile we share is bittersweet. “You did. You’ve got me, always. You’ve got Sloane. We’re not afraid of the dark. And we’re not going anywhere.”
Though I hate the thought of making life harder for Fionn, I think the pain I feel now was worth it. It hurts because it was real. It’s how I know the truth. The only one that matters. I’m in love with Fionn Kane.
“Lark is my girl,” I say. “I’m going to get her back.” “But—” “I love you, Fionn Kane.”
I don’t know what trials I’m about to face. But I do know one thing as I feel the weight of this last secret lift from my soul. The show can’t start until you jump.
I feel like I’m struggling to break the surface and take a breath. I’m still drowning in Rose’s declaration. I love you, Fionn Kane, her voice echoes in my mind. Her words didn’t just slip into the world. They crashed into me.
I will plow through this whole fucking city if that’s what it takes. I need to fix this. I need to tell her everything I should have in a moment that slipped through my fingers. Hell is going to have to wait.
“Where is she injured?” Lachlan shakes his head. “I don’t know—” “Was she shot?” “No, I don’t—” “You promised me,” I snarl, methodically checking Rose for the source of her injury. There’s no blood on her head or neck. “You fucking promised me you’d look after her.” “I’m sorry—” “Rose, wake up. Come on.”
“Why didn’t I tell her?” I ask. “I love her. Why didn’t I say it?”
“This is Rose. And I fucking love her. I will not lose her. So here’s what we’re going to do.” Oxygen. Heart rate. Blood pressure. I remove the gauze as Jessica sets up an IV with tranexamic acid. I repack the wound with fresh hemostatic dressing. The ambulance speeds through the countryside as we work together against time. And Rose is barely clinging on. Her body temperature drops. Jessica pulls blankets from the portable warmer and lays them over Rose as I take hold of her hand. “Come on, Rose. Fight it out.” And she does. Wherever she’s gone within herself, she keeps fighting. For every
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I pocket my phone. I look one more time at those doors. And then I turn away. I will do whatever it takes to save her.
“Your brothers … do they know you’re leaving?” “No.” “Where are you going?” I shake my head. “I can’t tell you. I’m sorry.” “Why not?” “Sloane, I can’t,” I say, brooking no argument. I pin her with eyes I know are bloodshot and framed with dark circles. “Please don’t ask. I won’t tell you.”
try to force a smile, but it doesn’t take. All I can think of is Rose, with that fucking raccoon clutched in one hand, her grin diabolical. She laughed so freely when Barbara was gripped to my face under that towel. Christ, what I wouldn’t give to relive that moment right now so I could hear her again.
A shard of hope seems to pierce right between my ribs, stealing my breath. Hope can be beautiful. But it can also be brutal. It can keep your head above water just long enough to drown you in the next wave. I’m scared of what will happen if I hold on to it. But I’m never going to let it go, no matter what tsunami I have to swim through.
“It’s over because I love you, Rose. I’m sorry I spent so much time and effort trying not to. It was only because I didn’t think it was safe for you. I don’t think I knew how to fit into your wide-open world. But from the very first glance, from the first word, I was caught in your gravity. I wanted to be near you. And I couldn’t bear the thought of hurting you. But, lately, that’s the only thing in our cards, it seems.”
Look out for yourself. Don’t cause too much mayhem, if you can help it.
And when I finally felt like I could be that man, I was forced to let you go. It was the last thing I wanted to do. But it was the only way to keep you safe.
I’d give anything to go back and break every rule before the day we made them. Because I know now that I loved you even then.
I never told you that I went to see you perform in Ely for the first time after your accident. I didn’t want to seem like some kind of weirdo stalker. I guess telling you about it a year later in my fourteenth letter that was written in a secret location and sent by phantom postal service is already pretty stalkery. In retrospect, maybe I shouldn’t have been so worried that you’d see me in the audience after all.
“What are you doing here, Rose?” “What do you mean?” I let out a puff of a laugh as I scan the fairgrounds, gesturing toward the motor homes and campers parked around me. “I live here.” “No. You don’t. You exist here.” It’s like a punch to the ribs, one that sucks out all my air. “This is my home.” “Yes. But you’re not yourself here anymore. You don’t seem excited to perform. You haven’t even set up your tarot tent since we started the tour.”
“Why didn’t you come find me?” José shrugs, giving me a melancholy smile. “I didn’t think you wanted to be found. At least, not by anyone but him,” he says with a nod to the letter in my hand.
“Go, Rose. And if you don’t come back, I wish you well.” I nod. Press my eyes closed. Listen to his heart as we sway in the summer sun. “And take the raccoon with you. She keeps getting into the churro batter. Do you know how many batches I’ve thrown out?” I laugh, though it’s half-hearted. When he pulls away, José frames my face and presses a kiss to my forehead. “I love you like a daughter, pequeño gorrión. That will never change.” “I love you too, José.”
No matter how deep the darkness dragged me, memories of Rose have been there to warm the night. I’ve seen her face as I’ve watched the sea. I’ve heard her laugh. I’ve felt her kiss on my lips, the give of her flesh beneath my hands.
There’s a hard edge to her expression. No teasing spark in her gaze, no laugh at the ready. No smile or warmth in her eyes. I know I did what I had to do to keep her safe. But this is the first time I’ve really seen how badly I’ve broken her to do it.
“Dear Rose,” I say. “It’s so good to be able to finally use your name. Because that means I’m home now.”
“The Lovers card represents choices in relationships. And the choices I made nine months ago were the hardest ones I’ve ever had to make. I had to break your heart to save you. I had to leave to love you. And I want to spend the rest of my life making up for the time we lost. I’m asking you to choose us, Rose Evans. I promise to spend every day doing everything I can to make you happy. There’s no one else I’ll ever love but you. So no matter what you choose, I’m not letting you go. I never will.”
“I never would have met you otherwise. I’d still be stuck trying to live in a box that I was never meant to be in. That’s one thing that being away has confirmed—that the idea of the life I thought I wanted was just that. An idea. And despite testing it out for a long time, it never fit. The only time anything started to feel right was when you came along.”
“I like cuddling. We’d have to permanently dissolve that rule.” I take another step closer. She’s nearly within reach. My hand aches with the need to touch her, but I stop myself from moving closer. “I like cuddling.” “I like PDA. Holding hands and shit.” “I want to hold your hand.” “Dorothy only has one bed. I’m not unfolding the sleeper sofa. It’s a pain in the ass.” “Perfect. I don’t want separate beds.”
“You have Barbara?” I ask, and she gives me a faint nod. “I thought she was performing with the poodles.” “There were some …” Rose pauses, her gaze lifting to the sky as she considers her words. “… incidents. With churros. And maybe one or two with the hot dog stand.”
Everything inside me that felt misplaced is realigned when she wraps her arms around my neck and her body molds to mine, like she was always meant to fit.
had a dream while I was in the hospital. That some broken hearts can’t be sewn back together. And I wondered if mine would be like that too. I thought so for a long time. And then your first letter came. I was angry. I felt empty. But getting that letter was like receiving the first stitch. It hurt. But it helped too. Every one since then has closed a little bit of the wound, even on the days when I didn’t want it to.
“I meant it, Rose,” I whisper into her hair. “I’m not letting you go.” She nods against my chest. “Me neither.”
Because the truth is, after so many years of trying to out-perform expectations, I think I need a minute to stand back and simply exist.
When I’m sure she won’t see, I pull a box from my pocket. I flip open the lid. The ring catches the dim light.
“That’s … extreme. And also inaccurate.” “Is it? Remind me, how was that rump roast at Thorsten’s? I could see if they have any ice cream at the barn dance, maybe?”
“Looks like an idiot suit. Is that the right answer?”
