Stop Me If You've Heard This One

by Kristen Arnett

Maybe my mother has finally decided to adopt a pet. Her new “dating partner” is actually a butch tuxedo tom named Mitsi.

Ok this was very cute and one of the only jokes that landed for me in the book

seafood

While Cherry is in her day of labelling every mundane thing as "funny" or "not" funny, her coworker at the aquarium store is eating "spicy seafood ramen". They have a long argument about the ramen, and Cherry never puts "eating seafood in the aquarium" on her "funny" list.

which feels cool against my bare skin.

It was just steamed

There are candid pictures as well, slices of a life lived well.

Did the editor miss the two "well"s in this sentence?

The zipper at the back of your silk does not need to be compelled; you want it down, and the sound it makes is like fabric ripping.

There are a million jokes that I could make based on this comment alone,

I’m trapped in a web of jokes too intricate to untangle without losing my mind.

I would have cracked five jokes by now,

Something’s squirming between us. I’m confused and even more turned on, wondering if LeeAnn’s decided to feel me up in the middle of the store.

Howw are you confused

as she works to unhook it from the back—she’s

So contrived

I hear someone clapping.

Ugh

If you really think about it, everything is a ritual.

So many filler sections that feel like a powerpoint. Who is she even talking to?

Rituals are practice. When we continue to perform them, we’re staving off death.

Philosophical soapbox

she’s rubbed her pinkie so many times against her jeans that the nail has been buffed to a high gloss.

How???

When our server arrives, I decide on three separate appetizers as well as the most expensive entrée, topping off my order with an entire bottle of wine. Margot stares daggers at me, but I’m unperturbed. In fact, the whole situation is getting funnier by the minute. The more upset she gets, the more I want to poke at her, see how she reacts. She offered to treat me to a meal, right? Well, she’s about to treat me like chain restaurant royalty.

Suddenly doesnt care about business opportunity i guess. your jokes arent funny

I agree that yes, I said that, and yes, I meant it. “But what the hell does art have to do with business?”

“Like learning to finance something? Come on. What does it have to do with making something beautiful or interesting?”

This has been your conflict the whole book cherry what do you MEAN?

We polish off the bottle of wine, and when the server comes back, I impulsively order another. When Margot complains, I remind her that she offered to pay for everything. “Besides,” I say, dipping my finger into the dish of Alfredo sauce,

28 being annoying on purpose