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if you always do what you’ve always done, you will always be where you always were.”
If you always do what you’ve always done, you will always be where you always were.
They say that everything comes into your life for a season or a reason. Maybe the reason is that I have to find the girl I once was. To feel whole again.
So what . . . my marriage failed. Millions of marriages fail every year. I didn’t fail. He did. This is on him; I don’t know why I’m feeling guilty and beating myself up about it when he sure isn’t. Honestly . . . I’m done with this crap. Tomorrow I start working on trying to get back to the real me. The old me . . . the fun me, the girl I was before I met him. If you always do what you’ve always done, you will always be where you always were.
If there’s a god out there, please hear my prayer. Please let me meet a man who is worthy of my love. I’m losing faith that he exists.
She doesn’t deserve any of this. She never did. I want her to be happy. I want her to find the man of her dreams. I want someone to love her as much as she loves them. I tuck a piece of her hair behind her ear, and I know what I need to do. I’m going to find her a good man . . . even if it kills me.
“I’ve had the worst ten days feeling like absolute shit because you won’t speak to me, and I’ve missed you, and yet all you’re worried about are the feelings of your toxic ex.”
“Look, all I’m saying is, this Kindle . . . is the fucking mother ship of sex tips for deviants,”
“And we would have drunk a bottle of red wine and ordered dessert, and then by the end of the tiramisu . . . I would have known that you were the one.”
“I don’t need to wait for the tiramisu,” he whispers. My eyes search his as my heart free-falls from my chest. In slow motion, he leans over and kisses me, his lips barely brushing over mine, and huge butterflies swirl deep in my stomach. Oh . . . “Why not?” I whisper against his lips. “Because . . . I already know.”
“Because you were always promised to me.” Our kiss deepens. “You only married him so that you could find me.” He takes my face in his two hands as we kiss, and my eyes flutter closed. “I’ve been waiting for you,” he murmurs against my lips.
“I’m already in love with you!” he yells so loud that the paint nearly peels off the walls. “And the fact that you don’t know that is a fucking red flag.”
“You let his love taint mine,”
“I’m not where you left me. I’ve moved on.”
“I’m exactly who you always thought I was.” He holds his hands out in a dramatic fashion. “The player who cheats.” He gives me a sarcastic smile. “Be careful what you wish for, Rebecca.”
To make matters worse, the dating pool at my age is not a pool at all. It’s more like a muddy puddle. There’s no plenty of fish in the sea, just mangy, three-eyed tadpoles.
“You see, the word falling indicates that it was an accident.” His eyes find mine. “I didn’t accidentally fall in love with Rebecca. I knew the sound of her heartbeat, craved the feel of her touch.” He gives me a slow, sexy smile. “I purposefully walked into love with open arms, an open heart, and a dream to make her mine.”
