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I wink and give him my cheesiest smile
when he looks like this and he smiles like that, I almost forget he’s a killer.
“Do you trust me?”
“Is that supposed to be a trick question?”
“I’ve got you. Nothing is going to happen, alright?”
“You can’t be serious,” I pant out. “I was just joking. I didn’t – I don’t – care about Cam!”
I realize that it’s not my desperation or panic that he’s looking for. He already knows I don’t care about Cam – it doesn’t matter how many times I say it.
There’s something else he wants to hear.
“Adr...
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“I wasn’t watching Cam or anyone else. I was watching you. The whole time I was there, I was watching you. You were amazing. You wer...
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I’m very much the monster my parents have made me. And their first lesson? When you find a weed in the garden, you pull it out by the roots.”
“Mutually assured destruction,”
“I suppose it’ll have to do.”
His first real friend.
“I like you, sweetheart. I like you a lot. We’re not friends. We’re going to be more than that.”
“Well, you’re right on one account. I’m not thinking very clearly,” he huffs, his voice thick with frustration. “Which is the problem. I’m always thinking clearly. I don’t worry. I don’t get emotional. I am always in control. Of everything. Except when it comes to you. You do this to me.”
“This morning, when you looked at him, it took every ounce of my self-control to avoid walking over to Freddy Rook and bashing his skull in till he was no longer worth looking at. You do this to me.”
“Just for you. For the sole crime of thinking he ever had a chance with you. Don’t tell me that kind of devotion doesn’t interest you.”
evidence that some part of me – maybe subconscious, maybe only physical – is attracted to this sort of dark, twisted toxicity.
“I’m not going to let you take away my choices.”
“I have no intention to,”
“You can choose to keep Freddy around. You can even choose to pursue him romantically if you wish. I just don’t think you’ll like the ...
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“You woul...
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yes, he very muc...
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“See? We both have choices, sweetheart, and yours is this: you can choose to observe the rest of Freddy’s peac...
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“You’re a monster,”
“You knew that already,”
“But I’m a monster inf...
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I can’t stop worrying that if I let you slip through my fingers – even for a moment – you’ll decide you’re done with me, and there will be nothing I can do to convince you otherwise. And it’s terrifying.
Terrified that you may do the same thing you’re so worried I’m going to do: wake up and decide you’re done with me.
“Do my ugly parts scare you?”
“I don’t know.”