The Book of Forgiving: The Fourfold Path for Healing Ourselves and Our World

by Desmond Tutu

In prison, the only way to live with my guilt was to have structure. I ran miles and miles every day around the track in the prison yard. Every mile I cried and cried. I cried for the two girls who I killed. I cried for Dan and Lynn’s suffering. I cried for my teenage son and my two little babies, who not only lost their mother, but whose mother had become this horrible monster and killer in the eyes of our community. I ran marathons of pure tears and grief. I also read spiritual books and twelve-step workbooks, and in one workbook on healing and forgiving yourself, it said to look at yourself in the mirror and say, “I love you.” Every morning during my daily routine, I would stand in front of the small sink in my cell that I shared with five other women and say, “I love you, Lisa.” A cell-mate of mine had been watching me do this every day, week after week, year after year, and one day she started clapping and said, “You finally mean it.” I didn’t even realize that for five years I hadn’t been able to look myself in the eye as I said the words—until that morning. “Now the real work begins,” she said. I had no idea how true that was.