The Book of Forgiving: The Fourfold Path for Healing Ourselves and Our World

by Desmond Tutu

Elizabeth Kübler-Ross sums it up beautifully when she says, “The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”

We do not heal in isolation. When we reach out and connect with one another—when we tell the story, name the hurt, grant forgiveness, and renew or release the relationship—our suffering begins to transform.

This eye-for-an-eye system is the basis of retributive justice. In many countries, and especially in the West, the criminal justice system controls crime and punishment. Offenders are accountable only to the State. Those found guilty take their just punishment as decided by the State and according to the laws set forth in advance by the State. When a law is broken, it is a crime against the State. Crime is seen as an individual act with consequences for the individual criminal. Punishment is meted out and the offender is defined by his or her guilt. In this system of justice, punishment is believed to be both a deterrent to crime and a way of changing future behavior. Sadly, overcrowded prisons and high rates of recidivism tell a different story. Restorative justice, on the other hand, begins from the premise that a crime is an act not against the State but against another person and against the community. In this model of justice, accountability is based on the offender taking responsibility both for the harm they have caused and for taking action to repair the hurt. Victims are not peripheral to this process of justice. In the restorative justice model, victims play an integral role in deciding what is needed to repair the harm done to them. The focus is on dialogue, problem-solving, reconciling relationships, making restitution, and repairing the fabric of the community. Restorative justice seeks to recognize the humanity in each of us, whether we are victims or perpetr...

Forgiveness does not usually play a part in retributive justice, but it is central to restorative justice.