Promise Me Not

by Meagan Brandy

“Just a little water,” he whispers, erasing the stupid tear that slipped without permission.

I’m talking that gravity-defying, soul-defining, epic love story shit. She has that. I want that. Fuck.

“Don’t tell anyone, but I’m scared, little man,” he whispers. “Your mama’s avoiding me, and I have no idea what to do about it.”

He goes quiet for a moment, and I struggle to breathe, staring at my son’s hand as it opens, his tiny fingers wrapping around Mason’s thumb. Mason’s lips spread into a wide grin, a soft, quiet chuckle slipping free. “This your way of telling me you won’t let me go?” A knot forms in my throat, and I lock my hand around my neck. Suddenly, Mason’s face falls, and he bends, his forehead now resting on the

edge of the crib. “Please don’t...

He’s right. I am avoiding him, and he did come here three times this summer. According to the messages I left on read, the only reason he came…was for me. My eyes fall to Deaton, who plays happily in the warm water, and I know that’s not right. Mason didn’t come home for me. He came for us.

“I want you. Any way you’ll let me. Always.”

“Deaton is his father.” My eyes cloud with tears. “But you’re the only dad he’s ever known.”