Promise Me Not

by Meagan Brandy

If there is one thing that hasn’t changed, it’s his eyes. The honey-brown irises are as rich as ever, the perfect mix of dark and light, vivid yet grave.

A flawless illustration of his character. Mason Johnson is as fierce as he is tender. He’s yin and yang.

They like me, and more importantly, they love my son.

“Just a little water,” he whispers, and only then do I realize a tear slipped.

“Just a little water,” he whispers, erasing the stupid tear that slipped without permission.

What if I’m right where I’m meant to be?

I’m talking that gravity-defying, soul-defining, epic love story shit. She has that. I want that. Fuck.

A frustrated groan leaves me, and I glance toward Noah, but he isn’t looking at me anymore. A slow smile is spreading across his face, a faraway look taking over, and I don’t have to turn to know who stepped out onto the deck. “Sister,” I call out to test my theory. “Brother.”

“Don’t tell anyone, but I’m scared, little man,” he whispers. “Your mama’s avoiding me, and I have no idea what to do about it.”

He goes quiet for a moment, and I struggle to breathe, staring at my son’s hand as it opens, his tiny fingers wrapping around Mason’s thumb. Mason’s lips spread into a wide grin, a soft, quiet chuckle slipping free. “This your way of telling me you won’t let me go?” A knot forms in my throat, and I lock my hand around my neck. Suddenly, Mason’s face falls, and he bends, his forehead now resting on the edge of the crib. “Please don’t let me go.”

He’s right. I am avoiding him, and he did come here three times this summer. According to the messages I left on read, the only reason he came…was for me. My eyes fall to Deaton, who plays happily in the warm water, and I know that’s not right. Mason didn’t come home for me. He came for us.

“Just so you know,” he begins. “It’s okay not to be okay…even if it’s not for the reason everyone thinks.”

“Hey, Mason!” Deaton calls not five seconds after we break from the others. We glance back, and Deaton’s eyes lock with mine. “You got my family in your hands.”

The love I’ve come to know is supportive and kind. It’s safe and…honest.

I want the girl, and I’m not sure there’s a move I wouldn’t make to get her.

“You called…him?” He speaks the words so low, I almost miss them. With a slight shake of his head, he stumbles back a step. “Mase.” He looks away. “Mason.” He shuffles farther away, and acid bubbles burst in my gut. When his cleats meet the sand, he starts to run. I jerk forward, a barbed wire wrapping around and puncturing my lungs. Panic sets in, and I launch myself toward the stairs “Mason!” I scream. But he doesn’t answer. He’s gone now, too. I fall to my ass and cry until I pass out. Just like I did on this very same night exactly one year ago today.

My vision is full of broken glass and mangled limbs.

That was the night I realized she wasn’t just the girl I wanted to be there for. She is so much fucking more.

I’ll be fucking damned if she ever feels that way again.

I want to hold you… I blink at the thought, my back going ramrod straight as the realization slaps me in the face. I want to be the one to hold her. Oh. Shit.

“Pretty Little,” I rasp, her mouth the North Star to my broken compass, leading me fucking home.

Because I am completely fucking gone on this girl.

But he’s not here, and that invisible thread that tugged me toward her from the start is thickening. It’s growing roots and digging deeper.

I can say with certainty there’s no stopping it now.

She is the only beauty I see. The ending I want.

Mason Johnson is…grown. He’s not a teenage boy on the cusp of adulthood. No, he’s all man. Strong and exquisite.

Oh my god. I…I want to be his daddy.

“He loves you, and you broke his heart.”

“She’s pulling away, and I’m losing my mind. I’m losing her, and that means I’ll lose him, and that right there makes me feel like I’m fucking dying.”

Cue the fucking tears

Nothing that mattered before matters anymore. Not without her. Not without him.

Mason Johnson is in love with me, and I think he has been for a while now.

“It’s a lotus flower.”

“The lady said they grow even in the worst condition because they’re resilient and strong, just like you.”

“The petals, they close at night, only to open again the next day. It’s like coming out of darkness and finding the light again.”

She fucking kisses me, and it’s soul-wrecking. Bone-crushing. She’s ruining me with nothing but her luscious lips.

But I was sent here with one purpose, and that is to love them both as if they’re mine. In my eyes, they are.

She is the girl of my dreams. Please let me become the man of hers.

“I want you. Any way you’ll let me. Always.”

“I love you.” I reach for her. “I fucking love you, Pretty Little, but I don’t know what to do anymore. I want you. Hell, I’ll take a tiny piece if you’ll give it to me.”

“I’m dead serious. I can’t compete with a ghost, so I won’t,” I promise. “He can keep your heart for all eternity. Just let me hold you for all of mine.”

“I love you, Pretty Little.” All the air whooshes from my lungs. “I will wait forever for just the chance you’ll love me back.”

“I love you, Mason. More than I knew I was capable of. More than I knew was possible. And more than I was ready for, but I’m…I’m ready now.”

“Payton.” He shakes, swallowing hard as moisture builds in his brown eyes. “I need to know you understand what that means. I need to know even if you change your mind one day, and I’ll do everything in my power to make sure you won’t, but if you do…I need to know he’ll still be mine. I can’t lose him, Payton. I will not lose that little boy.”

I nod, because I know we will. We’ll figure out everything. As a family. Me, Mase, and our son.

“Tonight, I’m going to love you,” he promises.

“Tomorrow, I’m going to ruin you, and the day after that?” His voice drops ten octaves, and he tugs my lower lip between his teeth.

“Baby, the day after that…I’m going to punish...

“Such a pretty pussy,” he murmurs. “And so wet for me.”

Mason falls asleep fast, a ghost of a smile on his lips, and I’m not far behind.

“Where you are is where we want to be.” I give his line back to him with a smile.