The Tell (Oprah's Book Club)

by Amy Griffin

“Sadly, my sister was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. She died by suicide when I was twenty-five.”

It was a reminder that multiple stories could be true at the same time, that we select our narratives in accordance with how honest we want to be and how honest we can be with ourselves.

You’ve talked about John, but you’ve also mentioned your daughters. How old are they?” “Gracie is thirteen,” I said. “Gigi is eleven.”

“Have you thought about the role that they might play in the timing of all this?” I took my own deep breath, pulling the blanket up around my face. “They’re the same age I was when I was abused,” I said. My eyes welled with tears. “I see so much of myself in them.”

“It’s not uncommon for women to begin remembering their trauma when their children reach the age when the...

“We’ve been talking about memory recall, bu...

you’ve told me, it seems pretty clear that your body never forgot. You were physically shaking as you recalled the memories. Think about all the messages your body has been telling you—maybe for years—as you respond to various cues. And your personality never forgot, either—your perfectionism and people-pleasing, your inability to slow down. Even the decision to leave Amarillo and build a life in New York City may be important: It’s been suggested that peo...

“Think about all the things you have to navigate just to get through your day in New York City.” She smiled gently. “All of this is to say: Just because you couldn’t recall your trauma on a conscious level doesn’...

“Is there some kind of medical diagnosis for me?” I asked...

“Well, you certainly have symptoms of PTSD,” she said. “Hypervigilance is one symptom. Ordinarily we diagnose PTSD only when those symptoms have significantly impaired someone’s level of functioning, and your functioning is still remarkably high. But I think it’s important to reflect on the many ways traumatic experiences can shape our lives and what it means to be affected functionally. We’ve ...

are more susceptible to mental illness, chemical dependency, and other chronic health issues—even if they seem to be doing well. What we don’t always see is how the ambition of high-achieving people can be a trauma response. Sometimes the per...

quote from Carl Jung that resonated: “Until we make the unconscious conscious, it will direct our life and we will call it fate.” I

Abuse, I was beginning to understand, was a tangled mess of shame and silence. The abused learn early that survival sometimes means protecting the secrets of their abusers.

He sent along a quote from an Adrienne Rich poem that he loved: “There must be those among whom we can sit down and weep, and still be counted as warriors.”

I held her gaze across the table. “It’s okay, Mom,” I said. “That’s called dissociation.” I sighed. “It’s just how memory works.”