The Tell (Oprah's Book Club)

by Amy Griffin

When I was little, to tell on someone was a shameful thing: It made you a tattletale. It got somebody in trouble. In telling, you became the problem. Now I understand that the telling is the medicine—not the cause of shame but the thing that heals it.

Never mind that people were edgy around Novie. That was just what happened when you were a boss who happened to be a woman.

Other kids seemed to have an easygoing approach to life that was incomprehensible to me.

Through submission, surrender, there was peace.

we select our narratives in accordance with how honest we want to be and how honest we can be with ourselves.

no. I can only tell you what happens to people who run from pain: They never actually live.”

What we don’t always see is how the ambition of high-achieving people can be a trauma response. Sometimes the person who appears to have it together might actually need support.”

“He’s your husband,” she said. “He’s not your investigator. He’s not your lawyer. He’s not your doctor. It’s more than enough for one person to be sitting with you on the floor, holding your hand when you are crumbling. This man is in complete emotional service to you. Let that be enough.”

“Until we make the unconscious conscious, it will direct our life and we will call it fate.”

And yet it was John with whom I’d gotten so upset because his love made it safe for me to be angry.

But let’s be sure your decision comes from a place of consideration and care, not impulsiveness.

As much as it stung to be called out, I knew this was the mature way to build a real relationship.

“There must be those among whom we can sit down and weep, and still be counted as warriors.”

Letting go of the need to control. This was the gift I wanted to give my children.

Of course my children didn’t want me to be perfect—they wanted me to be reachable.

My vulnerability was not a weakness. It was the greatest gift I could give them.

“You can put it down whenever you want, Amy,” Lauren said. “It may continue to come up for you, of course, but you have some choice in how much space it takes up in your life.”

The real way to keep my children safe wasn’t to control them. It was to have an honest relationship with them. That was how I could set myself—and them—free.

“You’re learning how to take up space—and not to judge yourself for it but to be kind with yourself instead.”

Through my coming to know myself more deeply, our connection had deepened too.

Even if facing it is hard, it’s also so important. I thought of this as something I was running from. But in running from that, I was also running from the best things this life has to offer—freedom and happiness and real relationships with the people around me. You can’t have light without the darkness. You have to feel all of it in order to feel any of it.”