Something Like Fate

by Amy Lea

The moment they made eye contact, she emitted a croak reminiscent of an ailing seagull and collapsed face-first into his chest. My grandfather never missed an opportunity to say he “swept her off her feet.” They married three months later and the rest is history.

I guess that’s cute? I can’t imagine what a croak from an ailing seagull sounds like though, but probably not particularly cute. The swooning makes up for it though!

After he fetched me a spare T-shirt from upstairs, we bonded over the shared trauma of being left-handed in a right-handed world, our love of cherry Jell-O shots, and watching videos of lost dogs being reunited with their owners. The stuff of substance.

I can relate to all those things! I’m a substantial mother fucker 😂

Instead, I found a thousand Mark B.’s whose definition of romance is sharing a bong hit—and apparently sending dick pics. “All I’m saying is it doesn’t always have to be a universe-bending moment, you know. Sometimes sex is just pointless sex. And that’s okay,” Bianca points out.

Damn. I guess I have to throw everything I assumed about sex out the window now.

She finds his creativity and way with words a turn-on (shudder).

Who is she and where can I find her?

thought having things in common was a positive.” I think about all the times Teller gushed to me about how they liked all the same movies and music. How they’re both introverts who prefer to stay in on Friday nights and do a puzzle. How they share a passion for trivia and big data. How they both make every decision logically, with care and precision, no matter how small, like spending a whole afternoon researching which cutlery set to buy for their apartment.

It is a positive! Hell, it’s the most important positive! Well…top 3 at least.

My grandmother used to tell me that having shared interests is the key to lifelong companionship. That’s probably why my parents worked so well with their shared love of science and true crime.

Grandma is wise. I’ve always stuck by that belief as well.

“And second, most romantic gestures in movies don’t actually translate to real life.

I’ve been beating this drum forever and yet some of my friends still disagree. Ha!! I feel validated!

But in Mark B.’s defense, he’s actually a nice guy, if you can look past his tendency to send spontaneous dick pics.” “So you’re not, um, requesting these dick pics?” “No. It’s my own fault, really. He thinks I like them because I’ve been responding with the taco emoji. Or the sweat droplets.”

Positive reinforcement will lead to more spontaneous dick pics! Logic!

A beat goes by and we’re just standing there, smiling at each other. It feels like a movie scene, a slo-mo moment when the light hits just right. The moment you just know this person is going to be in your life in a big way.

Hmm. Either my intuition is very off…no, I can’t even fathom that to be true. There must be an alternative explanation.

“But what’s wrong with being alone?” Teller asks. “Some people are perfectly happy without a partner.”

Fucking A right we are! Tell her, Teller!

But as far as soulmates . . . statistically speaking, it seems a little wild, don’t you think? And scary. Like, the idea that there’s only one other person out there for you, among all eight billion?”

This is why I love to hate soulmates as a concept. Sure, it’s tragically romantic to think there’s ONE person in the stupid universe that is meant for you…but is it realistic? Fuck no. And even if it were, the odds of finding that ONE person?! Astronomical.

guess I just don’t know what’s so romantic about almost getting killed.” “He did save my life,” I remind him. “Which is probably the most romantic thing someone could do.”

Is it? 📝

“You know when you just connect with someone? He’s incredible. We’ve talked about pretty much everything, like current events and religion. He’s so open-minded. I mean, he has opinions, but no hills he’s willing to die on, aside from poutine being the world’s greatest food.”

Ah, that elusive “everything” connection. Always wanted to see what that feels like.

But honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever had so much in common with someone.” I’ve always longed to find that, someone who loved all the same things as me,

Hey, you took that right out of my brain!

“Friends come in and out of our lives for a reason.”

All part of the universe’ grand plan right? Bah.

Confessions of love look so easy in the movies. They’re generally impromptu, spur of the moment, because that’s just more cinematic and entertaining. What you don’t see is the hours of turmoil and deliberation in the lead-up.

Everything looks easy in the movies. That’s why they’re movies and not real life. Pure fantasy and guilty pleasures.

See, I’m not confessing love like a normal human. There is no How to Confess That Your Someone’s Soulmate for Dummies guidebook.

There should be. I’d read it. Probably wouldn’t listen for it, but I’d read it all the same 😂

The friends I have are the ones that have made the effort. I don’t mean it like my friendship is so exclusive or anything. I guess I just assume no one is that interested in me, so I don’t really go out of my way to try.”

Damn, that hits super close to home.

“Not if you get poodles and those naked cats. I’d name one of them Vlad,” he says with a grin. He’s far too relaxed for someone who’s just declared they’d marry me.

Vlad the sphinx cat. 😎

And even if Sophie or Caleb weren’t a factor, we’re so different; it’s almost laughable. Half the time, I’m convinced he can only put up with me in short bursts. These differences may work for our friendship. But romantically? I’m not so sure.

Literally the excuse I’ve used so often now…I feel vindicated!

That means not getting too close, no prolonged eye contact, absolutely no alone time, and certainly no touching. Not even a hug.

Boundaries work!

“Are you kidding me? I was always interested in you. That whole first summer we worked together, I liked you,” he continues, sensing my skepticism. “I thought it was pretty obvious.

😂😂😂😂

I know you and your aunts are really hung up on fate. But your mom and I fell in love not because of fate, but because we simply liked each other. Loved each other enough to put in the hard work. That’s romance to me.”

I like this. What a logical approach to an illogical occurrence.