The Co-op

by Tarah DeWitt

“Because it fucking hurts. It makes me feel like I’m in pain, like I’m being choked by my own goddamn fury. Please, LaRynn. Fuck my pride, I want you to stop because I want you for me, and even if I can’t have that I just—need to be able to make it through the rest of this without wanting to put my head through the floor, alright?! I’m flat-out begging you, please don’t—not in front of me anymore. I’m sorry, I didn’t sleep and I just can’t pretend. I’ll calm down. I’m sorry.” He blows out a trembling breath. “No, fuck it again, I can’t,” he says, a little hysterical. He brings his head back up and our gazes clash, his dark eyes so clear in this moment that their brown is liquid bronze. “I want you for me,” he says again. “I want your smiles for me, the ones that I’ve worked so goddamn hard for and that come so much easier for everyone else. I want it to be easy like that for you to smile and laugh with me, not with Oscar and not just with the people at the café. I want you to get everything you want, but I want it to be with me, too, and I don’t care if that sounds selfish anymore. I want this house, but I want it to mean something more. I want you to