Under Locke

by Mariana Zapata

This was pointless. I loved words. I’d always loved words. I loved the freedom you could find in them. I loved manipulating them. I loved the way they sounded and the power they held. But sometimes, sometimes, they weren’t enough.

“I can’t remember the last time I laughed so much.” “Me neither.” His low voice carried across the room right before I felt something hit my stomach. It was a pillow. He’d thrown a pillow at me. “Night, baby.” I rolled over and tossed my leg over my new pillow with a snort. “Night, Charlie.” I fell asleep with my cheeks hurting that night.

"No." "No what?" What the hell? Dex repeated the two-letter word again. "No you don't want me to finish out my last two weeks? Or⁠—” He huffed, his eyes still locked on the monitor. "No, you ain't quittin' on us."

"Don't even think about it, Ritz," Dex grumbled from his spot. He wasn't paying attention to the screen anymore. He had his gaze locked on me, his eyes intense. "You walk out, and I'll go get you."

"Babe, I've handpicked everythin' and everyone in here. I know what I want, and I get what I want," he breathed. "And I keep what's mine."

The urge to fall to the ground, rip my heart out of my chest, and hold it out like a sacred offering was overwhelming. Take it! Take it all! I’d cry.

His laugh was hard. “Honey, you and me, we’re more than just friends.” And… I was dead. I had to be. Dex scrubbed his fingers over his lips again, his glare violent. “Look at you. I never stood a fuckin’ chance.”

“Baby, there’s nothing wrong with my judgment. I know exactly what I’m doin’, and I know damn well that if I ever see you smile at somebody like you did at Trey today, I’ll kill the poor bastard.”

“That shit made my chest burn. I hated it. You know what that’s like for me? Standin’ there thinkin’ to myself that I don’t wanna share you with anybody?” His neck visibly strained. “I can’t ignore this shit between us anymore, and I’m not gonna. Not when it makes so much sense.”

"I suck at pretendin', babe." He brushed his mouth over my cheekbone, making my spine tingle. "You suck at it, too."

“Goddamn.” His voice had taken on a husky tone that sounded like it was more than just sleep dragging it in. "In what fuckin’ universe did I think I could listen to your brother?"

"But I'm not a good man, and I'm gonna take everythin' you want to give me and everythin' you don't."

"And here you are. Life bein' unfair and all. I respect you, babe. Not just because you break my goddamn heart every single fuckin' time I see you smile, but because…." He blew out a long breath of air from his lips, blinking blue eyes again and again and again. "I just do. You got me?"

I squeezed my arms around the warm cage of his ribs, pressed my face into his shirt, and mouthed the words I wouldn't let out of my mouth. Three little words that held all the power in the world.

But the love I knew, the form of love I remembered as a child, was completely different than the version I recognized as an adult. There was no chemistry to it. You couldn’t break apart love’s properties and make it something it wasn’t. I knew that now.

I held my hands out for him to see how badly they were shaking. “I’m thinking that I love you so much it scares me. See?”