For Better or Hearse

by Ava Hunter

“Nathaniel.” “What?” “Tell me, even dying, am I still an absolute fox?” He laughs, low and rough. “You’re not dying. I refuse to let you.” “Mmm. You didn’t…answer my question.” “Ashabelle Keller, you are without a doubt the most stubborn, morbid, mean woman I’ve ever met.” He strokes her cheek, sweeps a lock of tangled dark hair back. He keeps talking, his blood roaring in his ears. “But you’re also a beautiful, brilliant pain in the ass. My pain in the ass. You make this bullshit world better.”

“Because with you, it’s not bullshit. Because you are all I have ever wanted. You make six hours feel like ten minutes. And when you’re gone, I miss you. It’s absolutely ridiculous.” He smooths a lock of sweaty hair from her brow. “I think you’re the greatest thing to ever exist.”

He doesn’t know how to tell her. That he’s not okay if she’s not okay. That he’d give his own life to keep her safe. That she’s endgame. In his head, heart, blood, soul. She owns him.

He strides toward her, and blue eyes darkening, looks down at her. “You have it in the wrong spot.” He plucks the flower from her right ear. His big hands deftly affix it behind her left. Taken.

She has to live while she can. Love while she can. Love. Nathaniel. She does. She loves him with all 206 bones in her body.

“Monosyllabic sentences are very off brand for you, Bigfoot.”

“This is fucking insane,” she murmurs against his mouth. “What we’re doing.” Nathaniel cups the back of her head and stares into her eyes. “I don’t care,” he says roughly. A grin tips his lips. “I want you, Ashabelle. I’m not running away from any of it. From any of you.”

“I carried you on a beach, saved you from a mountain, stabbed you in the thigh with a needle. You think I’m leaving now?”

“He’s obsessed with me, so I kept him.”

“You look phenomenal,” Jakob says. He drags a hand down his smooth jaw. “Jesus. I mean, really, really great. I swear, you’ve never looked better than you do right now.” Because of Nathaniel. Keeping her well fucked and well loved.

“Here’s a truth.” Nathaniel takes her chin between his long fingers. A triumphant gleam enters his eyes. “I’m low-key petty. If you thought for one second that I wouldn’t keep track of the asshole who hurt you, you’re wrong.”

Ash is the kind of woman who makes a man feel like he’s fucked up for taking so long to discover her. She comes with warnings and arrows, and he loves every single one of them.

She purrs, tugging him back into bed with her. “You leave, I kill you.” Hovering closer, he kisses her lips. “You act so tough until it’s time to cuddle in bed.”

“I didn’t do it for this,” he says with a chuckle. Even as his dick screams at him to shut the fuck up and enjoy.

How does he tell her he’s been busy working out the details, the plans, and then chickening out, panicking that what he wants isn’t what she wants? He’s been berating himself for assuming that Ash can be tamed. That Ash would want him. But fuck that. Because he wants her.

“I love you. I am utterly and unfathomably in love with you, Ashabelle Keller.” At his words, she closes her eyes. Takes a shallow breath, the action rocking her body. He means it. She’s his. She will always be a sharp object. And he will never stop loving her. Her mouth works. Those bold red lips part. But nothing comes out. “You don’t have to say it back.” He stares at her, thumbs whisking over her sharp cheekbones. A heavy ache pierces his gut. And yet, if she’s not ready, he won’t push. “I’ll love you enough for the both of us.”

“I like it when you call me that,” she whispers. A shy smile crosses her gorgeous face. “Ashabelle. It makes me feel like I’m yours.” “You are,” he promises. “You are mine.”

Humming, he crosses his arms. “What did your wedding plans look like?” She narrows her eyes. “Why?” “So I can do it right.”

“You say you forgive me, but what if you—” He looks frustrated, amused. “I know my heart. Don’t tell me how I feel about you. Don’t shut down because you made one mistake.”

“It was a big mistake.” “It wasn’t a—” He breaks off, blinking, his features contorting into pain. “Saying you breaking up my wedding was a mistake completely negates what we have. Don’t you fucking get that?”

“Get that shit, get Jakob out of your head.” He’s angry now. Fury etched all over his handsome face. “I’m not upset about Camellia; I’m upset because you doubt us. I’m in this, Ash. I’m in love with you. And I don’t know why your morbid little brain won’t let you see it.”

When she says nothing, Nathaniel threads his fingers through hers. Lifts the back of her hand to his lips. “You are more than your mess. You’re the love of my fucking life.” His blue eyes, full of hurt, are locked on hers, intent. “I wish you’d see that. I wish you would trust me.”

“Did I ruin things?” “No.” A light chuckle shakes them both. “Never.” “Are you sure?” “More than.” He pulls back to look her in the eye, his expression serious. “The sun will rise, and I will still love you tomorrow. Understand?”

He’s ready for a normal life. On land. With his morbid little beauty. Her gallows humor, that massive black cloud of hair, and her fierce, kissable mouth. That black cottage on the beach. Bringing breakfast to the girl in his bed. Cryptozoology Monthly, peanut butter crackers, whatever it is that will make her happy. He’ll overpay for helicopter rides to any and all haunted locations. And most of all, he can’t wait to hear her call him her Very Tall Asshole until the end of their days.

It breaks her little black heart that they spent their last minutes together arguing when they could have spent them making love or planning their future or threatening bodily harm upon one another.

She has never loved anyone more on the earth than her Very Tall Asshole.

“Grief and love coexist,” he says, resting his massive hand on Tessie’s belly. His rugged face creases with pain. “You can’t have one without the other. You have to take the good with the bad. And when you do, you’ll find the bad doesn’t matter as much as the good.”

“I thought you were dead, you asshole,” she hisses, voice shaking with emotion. “I’ll cry if I want to.”

A thousand explosions happen in her heart. His trust in her, his love nearly make her knees give out. “I don’t doubt us.” She exhales raggedly, pulling back to look him in the eye. “I choose you, Nathaniel. In every universe, in every afterlife, I will always choose you. I love you.”

Love isn’t about fixing yourself so that someone loves you. It’s about finding the right person to love you as you are.

“I love your sweat.” Amusement dances in his pale-blue eyes. “It’s very kissable. I never know where my lips are going to slip.”

“Tell me a truth,” she says. His eyes flare as they meet hers. “I love you. Absolutely. Desperately.” “You’re a horny madman,” she breathes, nipping at his lips. Desire pricks and pulses in every warm part of her. “And I love you too. With every beat of my pulpy heart.”