What Does It Feel Like?

by Sophie Kinsella

My advice is to write the book you would like to read yourself. Visualize going into a bookshop and finding the perfect book. The book you would buy immediately. What does it look like? What’s it about? What genre is it? Then write that book. And above all, write the truth. Write what you know and do it convincingly. I don’t mean write nonfiction,” she clarifies. “I mean write the truth about life, whatever genre you’re in.”

Write the book you would like to read yourself. Write the truth about life, whatever genre you’re in. Write what you know and do it convincingly. What would she be interested in reading about? What does she know about? What are the truths she has learned about life?

“What does it feel like to have five children?” people ask, and all she can say is, “The same as having one child, times five.” The work is multiplied, the worry is multiplied, the joy is multiplied, the love is multiplied.

“Maybe I don’t want a bucket list at all. I think what I want is just to live like we do anyway—you know, do our work and go for walks and watch Come Dine with Me—but have a slightly nicer version of it. Normal but better. Call it ‘Normal plus.’ ”

“OK, here’s the thing,” says Eve honestly. “I’ve done a lot of exciting, bucket-listy stuff in my life. I’ve done glamorous travel and I’ve walked the red carpet and I’ve swum with dolphins. I don’t need to do any more of that stuff. I just need to be around. Have fun with the children. Have fun with you. See friends. Small pleasures.”

She knows this cancer is not her fault—it’s just bad luck. But what she has learned is that you can feel guilty for having had bad luck.

“Here’s another irony for you,” she says. “My brain was the secret of my success when I was writing books. But now my brain’s the very thing causing all the problems.” “Your brain has no sense of moderation,” agrees Nick. “It’s either doing brilliant things or bloody stupid things.”

“You hate spoilers in books and films. We both do. But when it comes to this, all we want, above anything else, is a spoiler. We desperately want the doctors to give us the spoiler, but they can’t, because they don’t know either.”

And right at that moment, this is her only aim in life, the only happy ending she wants. Just to keep going.

And finally, I wish everyone reading this a very happy ending.