Losin' Control

by Ladii Nesha

“I almost punched her in the back of the head, but that shit started feeling good. Had a nigga feeling feminine as fuck.”

three different versions of herself. The protector, the player, and the lover.

She loved all three of her boys, but Czar was her heart.

“Ma let’s be real. You named me Casanova. I was born to spread my love. Instead of shooting girls with bows, I shoot ‘em with my-

Smile. A five-letter word, a simple gesture of kindness that could turn a person’s day around, yet Marley rarely did it. The muscles in her face were so used to frowning that smiling felt foreign. Her resting bitch face and furrowed brows were the norm.

“If I was going to call you anything, I’d call you a ticking time bomb. Your stomach is hanging over your belt, which I’m pretty sure is causing back problems. You’re leaning to the side, and the yellow in your eyes indicates that you are either suffering from liver failure or you drink too much. Either way, your days are numbered, and peppermint tea won’t help you with anything but your breath. What you need is a doctor and life coach. I think they have that over in tent three, and guess what?” Marley plastered a fake smile on her face. “It’s free.”

Missing them was an understatement. Marley didn’t know if she was mad because they were taken away or mad because they didn’t take her with them on that horrendous day.

“Nope, attachments scare me.” “Why?” “Because nothing is really yours. Everything has an expiration date.”

Tossing the phone to the other side of the bed, Marley picked up Benny’s sweater and buried her face in his shirt. She missed their nightly conversations and talking to Czar reminded her of that. The faint scent from the sweater brought tears to her eyes because she knew once it was gone, she’d never smell him again. That was the downside of grieving. One minute she was on the phone laughing, and the next she was crying and trying to catch her next breath.

“Real niggas don’t use clips, but then again, real niggas don’t have they feet kicked up in the back of Barbie’s camper, so I'm going to try it.”

“Shut up and catch this smoke.” Czar bowed his head and slowly blew a stream of smoke into her mouth. “Soft ass lips,” he mumbled, stealing a kiss, and to his surprise, she didn’t fight it, so he did it again and again until their tongues started to wrestle.

“Nah, wishes are for people who don’t have faith. I wholeheartedly believe that God is going to bless me with you.”

“I don’t know what it is about you, but I’m feeling the fuck outta you.” Czar kissed her neck. “At first, I wanted to fuck you because you got a smart-ass mouth and I like that shit.” He kissed her again. “Now I want to save you.” Czar lightly sucked her ripped ear lobe. “I want to keep a smile on your pretty face.”

“I sucked the electrolytes out of your pussy, we go together.” “Real bad,” Nova cosigned.

“I’m not fucking with Goose. Last time we played he gave me $200 in pennies,”

Czar sized her up. He took in her pouty lips, her low eyes, and her labored breathing. Licking his lips, he advanced toward her, never breaking eye contact. “I’m hooked like a muthafucka and I’m not coming up off that shit.”

“Julius, you sucked my toes while fucking me from the back, and I ain’t ever experienced no shit like that. Jealous ain’t the word, my boy. I'm unhinged.”