Losin' Control

by Ladii Nesha

“Mommy’s sweet girl,”

Marley was aware that her baby girl was gone, but she couldn’t let her birthday pass without getting her a toy she’d never play with and a cake she’d never eat. According to her grief counselor, it was supposed to help, but Marley didn’t know if it was helping her or driving her crazy.

At times she didn’t know who to blame for her anger, but on Billie’s birthday, she blamed God.

“It’s not getting better. Some days I’m ok, and other days I can’t breathe.”

If I get another email about gluten-free snacks, I'm going to lose my mind. Like bitch we know Timmy's weak stomach ass can’t have gluten, peanut butter, and soy products.”

“If I was going to call you anything, I’d call you a ticking time bomb. Your stomach is hanging over your belt, which I’m pretty sure is causing back problems. You’re leaning to the side, and the yellow in your eyes indicates that you are either suffering from liver failure or you drink too much. Either way, your days are numbered, and peppermint tea won’t help you with anything but your breath. What you need is a doctor and life coach. I think they have that over in tent three, and guess what?” Marley plastered a fake smile on her face. “It’s free.”

“Why you misogynistic, arrogant asshole. I gotta be a lesbian because I don’t want to give your ill-mannered ass the time of day.”

“What you can get is a one-way ticket to kiss my ass town.” “What ass?” he jested. “Ain’t shit back there, Lil Booty.”

Missing them was an understatement. Marley didn’t know if she was mad because they were taken away or mad because they didn’t take her with them on that horrendous day.

With no one around she was able to sulk in her sadness without pretending to be ok.

“Nope, attachments scare me.” “Why?” “Because nothing is really yours. Everything has an expiration date.”

“I might not be a spring chicken anymore, but I still make the roosters holla.”

I mean you ain’t got no ass but you be dragging that lil muthafucka."

“And that’s why I said you be on bullshit. You over here crying about your girl and asking me to give you a shotgun. You either heartbroken or a horn dog, pick a side.”

“Nah, wishes are for people who don’t have faith. I wholeheartedly believe that God is going to bless me with you.”

“Yoga shit. I got us some matching fits from Lululemon.”

Marley never got the chance to finish her sentence because Czar was in her face with his large hand loosely wrapped around her neck.

“I don’t know what it is about you, but I’m feeling the fuck outta you.” Czar kissed her neck. “At first, I wanted to fuck you because you got a smart-ass mouth and I like that shit.” He kissed her again. “Now I want to save you.” Czar lightly sucked her ripped ear lobe. “I want to keep a smile on your pretty face.”

“You eat like a hamster, so I figured we could go to Metro Park and eat roasted twigs.”

“I’m with all that freaky shit, ride me on yo toes while ole girl lick yo clit.”

“I sucked the electrolytes out of your pussy, we go together.” “Real bad,” Nova cosigned. “Bye, Julius. Send me the address and I’ll be over there later.”

“I’ll never put you in harm's way by bringing you into an unsafe situation.”

“What do you want from me?!” “I want your fucking soul, baby, isn’t it obvious?”

“I’m possessive as fuck, and as long you hold me down, I’ll do the same for you. So, if this shit too much for you, then now is the time to leave.”

“Julius, you sucked my toes while fucking me from the back, and I ain’t ever experienced no shit like that. Jealous ain’t the word, my boy. I'm unhinged.”

“How ironic is it that you’re the head of security and you got dog-walked by the artist?”

“Space?” Nova laughed. “You hear this shit, bro? Why she acting like she didn’t give up her rights to life the day we met her at the park?”

“Liar!” Pam lunged at Marley, but Czar stepped in front of her. “Wrong one,” he warned.

For yall to have raised her, she sure don’t have no home training,”

bought it myself. I wore it to school in the 9th grade and that shit stopped working by third period. I was late for every class and half of the diamonds were missing.”

“Baby, yo mama a big lady and I think she’ll mangle your ass,” Czar chuckled. “And then I’d have to pop her ass in the foot for fucking with my baby.”

“Let me tell you this one time.” He placed his hand under her chin. “The reasons I want you have nothing to do with the outside world. You bring me a sense of peace that I want to live in forever. These bitches don’t hold a candle to you. They never did. Tati, yo mama, and nobody else can dictate how I feel about you. I want you now.” Czar kissed her lips. “And I want you tomorrow.”

Today starts my yes day. Go get your phone and wish a nigga happy birthday since you were snoring like a grizzly bear when I left.

“Yep. I’d un-alive that nigga so quick for fucking up your childhood.”

“My name tatted on that pussy.” “Silly ass nigga,” Czar chuckled angrily, wiping the corners of his mouth. “And I’ve been spending months tatting mine on her soul, now what?”

He couldn’t wait until this shit was over because he was firing everybody.

what if I have someone upstairs?” “Then I’d toss his ass off the balcony. The fuck.”