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Her smile is everything to me, like it might make my brain melt the way her cheeks push up her eyelids and she tries to keep her lips closed.
I can’t let her go yet. I have this sneaking suspicion that if I let her out of my sight, I’ll never see her again, and I would very much like to see her for as long as I possibly can.
I think she may be perfect. She’s hard-working, devoted to her family, funny, and beautiful. Her face lights up when she’s excited, and when she laughs, it always looks like it surprises her. I like listening to her speak, holding my breath as she thinks before she answers a question.
I’m better at talking to kids; they’re little twerps sometimes, but they are so good. I love that they’re always learning, their little minds working over new concepts and growing as they do. It’s easier to be myself around them because they all think I’m an old loser anyway. Plus, I don’t need kids to think I’m cool, I need them to trust me and know that I’m trying to help them learn and that I’m a safe person they can talk to if they need to. They don’t need to be embarrassed around me because I do my best to be as embarrassing as possible around them.
I bury my face in my hands because he really wants to think the best of me. I think optimistic must be his default; he probably smiles at strangers in the grocery store.
I’m not one of the hardened people who never lets themself cry; that would be emotionally inefficient. Instead, I allow myself a small amount of stress crying at least twice per month, and that helps keep me level-headed.
What do I really want? Someone who pushes me, who makes me think about every side of a problem, someone helpful, and loyal, someone who won’t make me and our children miserable.
I can handle any number of things on my own, but I didn’t realize how nice it is, sometimes, to have someone whose job is to handle things with you.
“I can’t fucking lose you, I don’t want to,” I say. “I like you so bad. Too much.”
“You know what I am,” Vanessa says. “I do. I think you’re the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me.”
In another life I might’ve enjoyed seeing this man, a decade older than her and double her size, try to win her.
better be the storyline for book two
You challenge me and push me to be better, you make me laugh, you’re the brightest man I’ve ever met.”
