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“Sorry again,” I mouth, and she gives an absolutely lethal eye roll that I will be thinking about for the next three weeks while I shower and every time I close my eyes to sleep.
I stay sitting a moment longer before I nod and push up from the desk. I’m not used to men calling me entitled or spoiled, no matter how true either of these things may or may not be. It’s almost refreshing, being talked to as if I’m a normal, albeit unhinged, aunt and not someone that’s killed a number of people I will not disclose with my bare hands. I should feel embarrassed, put in my place. Instead, I’m fucking thrilled.
“You don’t do dating apps?” I ask. “Please don’t relegate me to a dating app, Vanessa, it’s unsafe! I could be in very real danger. I’m sure non-murdering women are on there, but which of them is going to say yes to a date with a stranger in two days?”
My mind paints a very clear fantasy, unbidden, in which Vanessa and I live in domestic bliss. I’ve quit my job, just for a few years, just until the youngest is in pre-school, and Vanessa runs the world all day before she comes home to be with me and our two babies. After the children are asleep, after a delicious dinner I made, unless we ordered in, we make love and in fact make another baby, a third, a girl who we name Vanessa Jr. She has my nose. I think there is something wrong with me.
“Nate?” “Hm?” “You can kiss me,” she says, and I don’t waste any time.
“And then she. . . spit on him?” Jenna says. “Stop looking impressed, that is not impressive, Jenna. She’s probably a sociopath.” “Yeah, no, sure, you’re right, go on.”
Lol
“But crime is like. . . a man’s world, no? Godfather shit?” “I will not pretend to know the intricacies and workings of the mafia, Jenna. Maybe they’ve entered the 21st century.”
Jenna quickly pulls away from the window, but then returns and waves stiffly, presumably to Tony.
“I think you should call her,” Jenna says after a sigh. “What?” “Tell her you’re freaking out and you need to know you’ll be safe.”
Mary either pretends I do not exist or stares at me like she’s casting some sort of incineration spell on me from her mind.
lmao
“I’ve been trying to find a husband.” “Oh.” Oh. A husband who is, very reasonably, not me. Sure, sure.
Vanessa takes a deep inhale through her nose. “I will hire you to interview them.” Oh. She’s lost her mind. “Vet them for me,” she says, rushed.
Ultimately, we’re all family,” Vanessa says. “And family takes care of family.” This is very Fast & Furious of her, but I don’t mention it.
“Consider this my hat in the ring,” he says, his voice low. “Why?” I whisper. “I can’t stand the thought of you marrying some idiot,”
“I would never do that.” “Yes, well Vanessa asks you to go—” “I tell her no,” he said. “We stay home and make love instead.” “No,” I said, “you’ve got a daughter.” “Oh, you’re mistaken. I don’t.” “No, I mean imagine,” I said. “You’ve got a daughter, and she wants to go to the opera. It’s her birthday.” He considered this more carefully and nodded. “We’ll go for her birthday.” “But when you leave the opera, a homeless man approaches you—” “Is he strong?” “What?” I asked. Leo turned to me with a tilted head like this was a reasonable inquiry. “Is the man strong?” the candidate repeated. I
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LMAO WTF
“Tomorrow, we forget about this,” she says, and I nod. Then shake my head. “I will probably never, ever forget.” I stare at the spot between her breasts where her shirt hangs open. “But I will pretend.” “Like it never happened,” she says.
“Three men stand between you and my sister, she’s—” I don’t even hear the rest of the scenario, already aiming and shooting the upper two targets then the middle one, pulling the trigger with precision three times before emptying the rest of the magazine into the middle target. I’m panting when it clicks open, no ammo left to shoot.
“Why not Nate?” She asks, point blank. “What?” “Well, why not him? You’re fucking him—” “Mary,” Mom chides. “I’m not fucking him,” I defend. “We’re just. . .” Mary raises her eyebrows. “Okay, yeah, I’ve been fucking him,” I say.
“But it’s not like that, we aren’t together.” “And what’s so wrong with him?” Mary asks. I never expected to greet a morning where Mary would be defending a guy, much less Nate, who she has on many occasions called a ‘weak, strange little man.’ “What happened to you hating him?” I ask the traitor. “That was before,” Mary says. She puts a big bite of oatmeal in her mouth before speaking again. “He’s okay now.” “Before what?” “Before,” Mary shrugs. “Before he got good at shooting. Before he got a haircut.”
lol
Mary clears her throat to my left, waiting for her own handshake of respect. Maxim startles, his eyes falling on Mary with an intensity that was absent for me. It’s so brief; there, then gone in an instant.
when I get to Vanessa’s door, it swings open before I can knock, putting Vanessa directly in front of me. “Oh,” she says, and that tell-tale red flush is already climbing up her neck. “Vanessa—” It’s on my tongue to tell her all that I’ve been thinking, the monologue I planned, but when I start to speak, what comes out of my mouth is: “I don’t want you to marry that guy.”
“Don’t marry him,” I say. “You said he was perfect,” she says. “He is,” I agree. “You could have a healthy, protected life with him. Even if you don’t love each other, I believe he won’t cheat on you or try to undermine your authority.” Vanessa’s face is screwed up in some anguished confusion. “What are you saying then?” “I can’t fucking lose you, I don’t want to,” I say. “I like you so bad. Too much.” “You do?” “God, yes.” I breathe out a heavy exhale and the weight I’ve felt since before dinner lessens. “Obviously I do.” “But you said—” “I know what I said.”
“You know what I am,” Vanessa says. “I do. I think you’re the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me.”
“That’s just it. I don’t think that at all. I did at first, but you keep being wonderful, the best woman I’ve ever met, and every time I thought you were evil or deranged, you’ve proved to be just the opposite.” “And my life? I’m not going to just get another job, Nate. This isn’t a temporary thing you can save me from, this is forever for me. For my kids.” “I wouldn’t ask you to,” I say, and I realize for the first time that I mean it.
“Maxim is a better choice. He’s perfect for you,” I start. “But I want you to choose me instead.”
“I don’t understand it either,” I admit. “But I want you all the time. Forever. And I can’t keep pretending that interviewing these men doesn’t make my blood boil imagining any one of them touching you, standing by you, putting a baby in you. There’s not a man on this planet good enough for you, not me, not even the Russian, but I want to try.”
“I thought I would hate it. I really tried to, but there’s nothing rotten about this place, or your family, or you.” She groans, more emphatic now. “But the night of the gala, you said—” “I lied, Vanessa!” I press on even with the cracking of my voice. “I lied. You scared the shit out of me, and I was falling in love with you, and I thought you could never be with me, and I lied.”
“Nathaniel,” he says. I give him the same honesty I expect from him. “Yes.” My voice doesn’t wobble nor crack. “But I will be loyal to you, and I would expect the same in exactness.” “You do not choose him?” “I choose for him to live.”
“All I want for my babies is happiness,” she says. “My biggest advice is to find a champion for you and hold on as tight as you can until the end of the line.” She’s talking about Nate, but we both also know that he’s not an option anymore.
“I don’t give a shit about living some boring ass life teaching math in Connecticut, so if you’re doing this for me, then you need to stop right now.” He puts his forehead against mine. “Please, just say you won’t marry him.” “Nate—” He cuts me off with a kiss, one so heady and intense that I want to fall into
“You have no fucking clue, do you?” Cillian asks and squats in front of me like he’s talking to a child. “Your family is a scourge, Vanessa. I never thought Sean should marry your bitch sister, but I wasn’t in charge then. They didn’t listen to me.”
Wtffff
“There is one common denominator though.” I pull up a separate document and let them sit side by side. “I don’t see the issue,” Willa admits. “Tell them,” Mary says. “It’s Cillian,” I say. “He’s the closer on every one of the duplicated contracts.”
Mary’s gaze falls to Cillian and her eyes narrow into slits. I didn’t know a scowl could look so satisfied. “Good fucking riddance,” Mary says,
“I love you,” he says, pauses, then rushes on, “I am criminally, fatally in love with you, and you can try to marry someone else, but I’m not going to leave. I like your house too much and I like you too much to ever be away from you.”
“I know that Maxim is better for you, I get that on paper he is the perfect fit, but he isn’t. It’s me, Vanessa. It’s you and me, I can’t explain how I know it, but I do. It’s us. We’re meant to be, and I will not let some Russian mob boss come between that. If he tries, I guess I’ll just have to kill him,” he says.
“I’m pitiful,” I say. “You’re perfect,” he says. “And you’re stuck with me. When your arm isn’t swollen from being yanked out of its socket, I’m going to put a ring on your finger and marry you in front of every criminal in this city, and if anyone has a problem with that, they’ll have you to deal with, and clearly, you are no one to mess with.”
Her pregnancy was a wanted surprise just before Christmas. Our heir. She’s too early to be showing at all, but the whole family is tickled about the fact that Willa’s baby will have a cousin less than a year younger than her.
“To my sister Mary, and to Maxim Orlov, who I’m thrilled to announce will be wed this February.”
