An Unexpected Hero

by Rhett C. Bruno

I’d primed the crowd with a few slow jams. Got the seats wet, so to speak. Now let’s make them gush.

He was a beefy sort of fella, with eyes that could literally watch both doors at once.

Braugs can live for upwards of three hundred years. You are, to him, in fact, a child.

Martha Stewart would’ve soiled herself if she ever saw this.

Pyruun citizens worship many gods and goddesses, including, but not limited to Ludos, God of War, Fre, the Goddess of Light and Shadow, Baruu, God of Summer’s Flame, Wokaaner, God of the Emptiness and Void, and Prakuma, the Goddess of Death.

I’m not a stripper. I’m not just going to dance because some dude tells me to. Oh. Silly me. I thought you were hungry? And that, folks, is how bad life choices are made.

“Stop, stop, stop!” he said. “I’ll give ye something to eat just to get ye to stop.”

“Stereotypes are hurtful,” Curr said. “Try to be more tolerant.”

“Just a hand?” I scoffed. “And what value would a lute be to a one-handed man?” “If that man were you, I am not sure most would notice the difference.”

“I’m fine. Just… gathering my wits.” “That will take more time than we have.”

Aw, wow. Now this is really turning into a My Chemical Romance concert. You won’t always be so tragic, I promise. But you really should stop wasting time and start making your mark on the world!

Your lute. Your life. Mu’fukin’ bragging rights, bitches.

You either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.

The eyes themselves were like… I don’t even know. Something I’d have expected to see on a T-Rex that was possessed by Satan.