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Life is so fucking unfair. I stand and put my hand on her headstone. I drag my finger over the smooth granite, smiling.
God dammit, I'm literally crying at this chapter
“Want to see who can hold this position the longest?” “Sure.” She lifts a shoulder in a shrug. “I gave birth to a child, Hayes. My pain tolerance is a hell of a lot higher than yours.” “Loser does the dishes tonight.” “You’ve got yourself a deal.” I don’t care that I’m openly flirting with her in front of my teammates. I don’t care that Maverick is smirking at me and Ethan is pretending to gag. I don’t care that Emmy is filming us and no doubt going to upload the footage to social media and title it: Hockey player loses to hot mom, because this is fucking fun.
“No way.” He shoves the rest of the bread in his mouth and wipes his hand on his shirt. “I’ve been waiting my whole life for someone to ask me about hot dog condiment preferences. Do I, uh, just write on the paper?” Ethan fumbles with the spiral notebook, opening it. I think his hands might be shaking. “Sorry. This feels really important, and I don’t want to fuck—sorry, mess up.”
“Who gives a shit if she doesn’t want to get married? Look at me! I was so against monogamy, and now I’m wondering how I can order a fucking casket that fits two people so I can hold Emmy’s hand when we’re dead.
Wise words from Maverick Miller.
Lucy comes barreling into the kitchen. The dogs chase after her, and she’s dragging Ethan by the sleeve. When they get close, he throws the notebook at my shoulder. “You’ve all been replaced,” he announces. “Lucy and I are best friends now.” “Did you figure out your favorite hot dog toppings?” Madeline asks, and she nods when Lucy answers. “Diced onions? Good choice, baby.” “She is so your daughter,” I say. “If you ever need anyone to watch her, I’m happy to jump in,” Ethan says, and I gape at him. “What? Why are you looking at me like I have four heads, Hayes?” “I’m impressed. Six months ago,
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“I’m a full-fledged adult. Hey, G-Money,” he yells. “Want to see how many grapes we can fit in our mouths?” “And there we go. It was nice while it lasted,” I say, and Madeline giggles.
“Listen to me, Madeline. If anyone ever says some shit like that to you again, I want you to come find me so I can give them a piece of my mind, okay? And if any of the players say it? I will have their asses shipped out to Alaska real fucking quick.”
“You mean that, don’t you?” “Of course I mean it. I’d go to war for your daughter. For you, too.”
“Because y’all are mine.” I tuck a loose piece of hair behind her ear. “And I protect what’s mine.”
“Just have a lot on my mind.” I shrug. “Hockey, you know?” I don’t want to tell her I’ve been a pile of fucking nerves all day. Every time she and Lucy would have a conversation, my fingers itched to join them. I almost started signing when Lucy asked Madeline when my next game is, but I want to make this special for them.
I’ve played in half a do-or-die games over the course of my athletic career. I’ve waited to see what NHL team I would sign with. I’ve lined up against some of the best athletes in the world when I was kid in his first year in the league. I’ve never been more nervous than I am right now.
Lucy glances at me, grabbing my notebook off the coffee table. It’s the third one I’ve gone through, and I don’t plan to throw any of them away after I show off what I’ve learned. I like the notes we’ve written each other. I like her misspelled words. I like how she adds smiley faces to the end of a sentence that makes her particularly happy—usually when she’s talking about her mom or the dogs—and I like the drawings she’s added to the margins.
“Hello, Lucy,” I speak and sign. Her mouth pops open and she scoots closer to me, looking at my hands then up at me. Madeline gasps, but I don’t let myself get distracted. “My name is Hudson. I have two dogs, Gus and Millie. My favorite food is a cheeseburger, and I play hockey.” I go slow and take my time to make sure each motion is deliberate. I keep eye contact with Lucy and use lots of expression on my face. “I’ve been practicing my signing. I’ve loved having you and your mom here. And I hope you’ll stick around for a while. You are one of my favorite people in the world, Lucy girl, and
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I'M SOBBING
“Her dad—” Madeline buries her face in her hands and sobs again. I hate hearing her cry, and I put a hand on her back. I rub a small circle over her shoulders, smiling when Lucy puts her arms around her mom’s neck. It’s amazing how she can sense emotion. “He didn’t want…” “And I do. I’m going to practice every single day. I won’t stop until I know every word, every phrase, every handshape in existence. In English. In ASL. In whatever other language Lucy wants to learn.” “I still don’t know why,” Madeline whispers, and she lifts her chin to meet my gaze. “You know why. Don’t you?” I love you, I
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“I wanted Lucy to be included. I wanted to show her how much she means to me, and that just because we might be different in a few ways, it doesn’t make her any less special,” I say and sign, and Madeline cries again. Should I show him his surprise? Lucy asks, and I laugh. “You might need to, kid. Your mom has the waterworks going over here.” “Shut up.” Madeline smacks my arm then helps Lucy stand.
“Show him the surprise, baby. I think he’s really going to like it now.” Lucy giggles and pads to the center of the living room. The dogs lift their heads, watching her. She holds out her hand and waves it toward her. Gus and Millie jump to their feet and trot over. When they get close enough, she turns her palm upright toward the ceiling. She lifts it in front of them, and they sit on their bottoms and wag their tails. “You taught the dogs sign language?” I ask, and she nods excitedly. “That is so cool!” “She’s been working very hard, and we’re still teaching them the sign for sit in ASL,”
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“Do you want to show him the next part, Lucy?” “There’s more? I’m spoiled,” I sign, and Lucy shifts on her feet. She almost looks nervous. “What is it?” “She wants to give you a name sign,” Madeline explains, and my heart rate kicks up. “Do you know what that is?” This is the most important moment in my life.
She wipes under her eyes with her thumb and lets out a soft laugh. “I don’t think you’ll ever know how much it means to us that you did that, Hudson. I could visit a hundred different worlds and I’d never find someone as wonderful and kind as you.”
“Nothing you do is too much, and you’re not some guy we’re living with. You’re my best friend in the entire world,” she whispers, and I drop a kiss to her forehead. “I think you’re everything to me.” “You’re my best friend too, Maddie. And I was serious when I said I want y’all to stick around.” Stay forever, I almost add. Here’s my broken heart. I think you’re the only one who can fix it. She touches my cheek, and her smile rocks my world. “I don’t think we’re going anywhere anytime soon, Hudson.”
I’m falling in love with Hudson.
The man learned sign language for my daughter. He spent hours and hours of the little free time he has to figure out how to communicate with her. He put in the effort, did the work, and because of it, he stole my fucking heart.
it wasn’t this, it would’ve been something else. Another selfless act of his, because that’s who Hudson Hayes is....
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All of this—our relationship, his adoration for my daughter, his adoration for me—is something I never let myself think I could have, could wa...
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He makes me realize there’s so much good that comes with giving yourself to someone, and maybe one day, after I’ve been with him for a year or two, I’ll never be afraid of t...
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He makes me believe. In love, in healing, in relationshi...
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He makes me want to take off my cynic-colored glasses and give in to a romance full of respect and communication, wit...
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“You’re so good at treating me right, Hudson.” “Never thought I had a praise kink.” He kisses my throat then my jaw. “Until you started calling me good.”
“I’m going to miss you too.” He adjusts himself and gives me a smile. “And not just how hot you look. Going to miss your smile too, Golden Girl. How my heart beats fast when you’re around.”
I’m definitely falling in love with this man.
“Can’t say I’ve ever seen a tattooed dick,” Emmy tells us after Lexi finishes up another terrible hookup story. “I feel like you can’t do that unless you’re really packing.”
“It’s true,” Piper tells the group. “He came to me one night and said he wanted to learn. I’ve been helping him in between practices and games, but he’s done more than just that. He watches videos on our plane rides and meets virtually with a Gallaudet student twice a week. He’s been really determined to communicate with Lucy, and I know how hard he’s worked to get there.”
It’s different hearing about this from Piper because she’s not underselling his effort. She knows the time and energy it takes to learn a new language—especially at our age—and hearing the ways he’s gone above and beyond makes me want to scream from the rooftops.
“You’ve seen how Hudson is,” Piper tells me. “You’ve been around him for months. When he loves people, he loves them with every part of himself. Is it a flaw? Maybe. But you know you’re never going to doubt his feelings for you.”
What they’re saying is true. He wears his heart on his sleeve, and when he does something, he does it with all that he has. Nothing, not a single action of his, is a half effort.
“I think if I were to fall for anyone, it would be him. He… he learned sign language for a girl who isn’t his. Her own father wanted nothing to do with her, and here’s Hudson. Letting her paint his nails. Treating her like she’s a princess and not batting an eye. How could I not love him?”
“You deserve the world, Madeline,” Emmy says. “And a huge upgrade.” “Emphasis on huge,” Lexi jokes, breaking the tension, and I laugh.
God. I think I love him. I think I love him with my whole heart. “Hudson loves you, too,” Piper says. “And he’s going to be willing to wait for you until you’re absolutely sure.” “Yeah.” I smile. “I know he would.”
I’m proud to sit beside them. I’m honored to call them my friends, and I know no matter what happens with Hudson, I’ve fallen in love with four women I’ll have in my corner for the rest of my life.
“I hope you have a great game.” “I’ve got you to look at in the stands. Of course it’s going to be a good night.”
“You know she’s going to want to stop for a treat on the way home.” “Girl after my own heart.” Hudson moves his lips to my forehead, kissing my bangs.
“We will. And don’t be mad at Lucy if she’s not wearing your jersey tonight,” I add when he heads for the door. “She has a new obsession with Grant.” “As long as you show up wearing my name, I’m happy. See you soon, sweetheart.”
“Madeline?” Hearing my name makes me turn my head, and when I do, I blink, convinced I’m imagining things. There’s no way what I’m seeing is really happening, because Clark is staring at me. Here. Five feet away. At a goddamn hockey game in DC.
NO
“Is that Lucy?” “No. This is another kid you abandoned,” I deadpan, and he winces. “What are you doing here? Did you… you didn’t try to track us down, did you?” “I had no clue you’d be here. I’m in town on business, and my buddy and I decided to come to the game tonight. Realized it was you when I saw you talking to Hayes.” His mouth twists as he says it, and I decide he has a very punchable face.
“Let’s go. I need to change, then we’ll head out. Lucy is with Piper. She’s doing okay. Liam even stole her away for a minute, and I think he might’ve been smiling,” I say, and that gets a laugh out of her. “Hell is freezing over.”
“Let’s get our girl,” I say, draping my arm over her shoulder, but she shoves me away.
"our girl"
Clark shoves his hands in his pockets. Stupid fucking khakis. “It must’ve been my girlfriend’s kid when he was messing around on my phone.”
So your girlfriend has a kid, but you don't have a relationship with yours?? Fucking bastard.
“It gives me hope. It tells me my heart has healed. That I could…” The sentence hangs between us, unfinished. Love you. Spend the rest of my life with you. Be with you until my dying days. “I want you to know I’m going to spend every second I’m on this earth proving to you that I’m not him.”
“I will never be him. I will never leave you and Lucy, and I promise you won’t ever doubt my…”
“It’s you, me, and Lucy. For as long as you’ll have me.” Her grin is my favorite thing. “What a team we make.”
Madeline has been different in the week since Clark showed up. She’s smiling more. She’s lighter, like this enormous weight has been lifted off her shoulders. The change is contagious, and every day I’m with her, I fall more and more in love with her.
