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I click off my phone and smile when Lucy puts her hand in mine and sighs. This isn’t how I pictured my Saturday afternoon, but it beats the hell out of any other plans.
“If that happens, I need a picture. Maverick sent me one of Liam earlier today in his star role of Old Woman at story time. I’m going to frame it and put it on our nightstand.”
you went out with last night.” “A date?” I ask, sipping my cabernet. I’ve enjoyed the glass or two I’ve had in Hudson’s apartment, but the alcohol tastes better when I’m surrounded by women who are becoming my friends.
“That implies it was a mutual decision.” I snort. “Lucy failed her newborn test right after she was born, then she failed it again. We learned she was deaf, and soon after, divorce papers showed up at our home. I haven’t heard from him since.” “You’re fucking kidding me.” Emmy turns to face me with cheeks as red as her hair. “I’m going to need a full name and address so I can burn his fucking house down.”
I’m happy to be back, though, and I follow the soft glow from the television down the hall to the living room. When I round the corner, I freeze. Hudson is asleep on the couch, and his body takes up all the cushions. Next to him, Lucy is curled against his chest. Her face is buried in his shirt and his left arm is wrapped around her, as if he’s keeping her from falling off the sofa. Gus and Millie are on the floor beneath them, snoozing soundly. My breath catches.
I follow him, and my heart does that weird, painful thing again when he puts a hand on the back of Lucy’s head so she doesn’t bump the wall. It sputters a third time when he gently sets her on her mattress and pulls the covers up to her chin.
“It’s true. You’re an unbelievable parent, Madeline,” Hudson says to me softly. There’s a twist to his words. A hint of sadness, right there beneath the surface. “Can you tell Lucy moms are the best? And she’s very lucky to have you?”
“Can you tell me your name? Where you are?” “Hudson Hayes. In the middle of a shitty hockey game where we’re getting beat by people from fucking Florida.”
The crowd cheers, and I give them a small wave. I turn my neck, noticing gloves strewn across the ice. Sticks are everywhere, and an unattended helmet that isn’t mine sits right over the logo. None of my teammates are around me like they normally would be after an injury, and I can’t help but laugh. “Hell. Who started it?” “Who do you think?” Lexi asks. “Maverick didn’t like the hit you took. No one did. Even Liam got involved.
“Hey.” Maverick pulls up to my side. “You okay, man?” “Hurts like hell, but I’ll be all right.” I look at his split lip and the bruise already forming on his cheek. The front of his jersey is bright red from blood, and I laugh. “Christ, Mavvy. Are you okay?” “You should see the other guy.” His grin shows off dried blood on his teeth. “Fucked him up real good.”
“Y’all close out this game,” I tell them. “Tomorrow will be better, and I’m going to be fine.” “Such a selfless guy.” Maverick kisses my cheek, and I do my best to shove him away. “Take care of yourself, Huddy. I don’t like skating without you.”
She laughs and brushes a piece of hair away from my forehead. “Do you need anything else?” Stay here with me. Your touch soothes me. Every minute you’re around, I feel like the part of myself that’s been broken for years is healing.
Black tie, formal, really ritzy kind of thing. There will be food and alcohol, though. And a silent auction to bid on players to spend an afternoon with them. Me What do you do with the person who wins the bid on you? Blond Bombshell A few of the guys and I take the winners to the DC Animal Shelter. Me Do you have ANY flaws?
I think I’d like to stay here instead. I’d like to peel off his jacket and unbutton his shirt. I’d like to run my tongue down his chest muscles and see if I can make him moan. Instead, I smile. Nod and say, “sounds good.”
“Shouldn’t you be good at this? You leaped over someone during your game the other night, but dancing trips you up?” “Are you a hockey girl now?” Hudson asks, his voice an octave deeper than it was a minute ago. “Are you staying up and watching my games?” I am watching his games.
“Gosh. You really are something else, Mads. A sight for sore eyes.” Funny. Looking at him makes me think my heart needs to be jumpstarted because he’s so beautiful. “You clean up well too, BB.” He steps closer to me. Our chests almost press together. “You’re having fun, right?” “I’m here with you.” I smile. “Of course I’m having fun. Are you?” “Yeah.” His fingers bunch my dress in their hold, and I let out at shallow breath. “This is the most fun I’ve had in a long, long time.”
Do your teammates get together for Christmas like we did on Thanksgiving? What about a Secret Santa exchange?” “We spend Christmas on our own, but if someone is alone, they’ll tag along to a family dinner. As for a Secret Santa exchange, we tried that for a few years. When Liam ended up with a pink dildo, Coach put a stop to it.” I grin. “He still doesn’t know I’m the one who gave it to him.”
When she touches her thumb to the corner of my mouth to wipe away a crumb, I have to hold onto the counter.
“Lucy wants you there.” Her eyes meet mine, and her smile is soft. “And so do I.” “Then that’s where I’ll be.”
“You got me a present?” “Lucy did. She’s been working on it for two weeks and is so excited to give it to you. It’s nothing big, but if you could pretend it’s the coolest thing in the world, I’d be so grateful.” “I’m sure I’m going to love it,”
“They’re drawings. Of you and her and the dogs. Of you and me at the stove while she watches us make dinner. Of you playing hockey,” Madeline explains as I flip through the pages, and my chest feels impossibly tight. My throat closes up, my eyes blur with tears. A drop of water falls on the corner of the paper and makes the marker bleed. Lucy touches my cheek and tilts my head to look at her. She starts to sign, and I keep my eyes on her. “She wants you to know how much she loves being here. How much she loves the dogs and how much fun she has when you’re around,” Madeline tells me. “This…” I
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don’t know how long y’all plan to stay, but my home is your home for as long as you’d like it to be. For another year. For five more years,” I say. “You’re both welcome here. If this is what Christmas looks like from now on, I can’t wait to have a whole condo covered in Lucy’s drawings next year.” “Best Christmas ever,” Madeline whispers. “Nothing’s going to top this.” “Without a fucking doubt,” I agree.
An hour ago, I was exhausted. Now, I’m buzzing with energy. Wide awake and willing to sacrifice sleep if it means hanging out with her.
“Madeline,” I murmur. “Yeah?” she whispers. “Maybe we should kiss,” I tell her, not fully knowing what I’m saying. But those lips… and the corner of her mouth… “To see if it brings us good luck.” “You want to kiss me because you want good luck?” “Yeah. But I also want to kiss you because I’ve been thinking about it for weeks.”
Everything narrows down to her, and the careful way she puts a hand on my chest. How her fingers fan out over my shirt and she twists the cotton, pulling me toward her. As if I wouldn’t go willingly. As if I wouldn’t fucking crawl or run or climb a mountain to get there.
“I’ve been thinking about you, too,” she whispers again. The announcer counts down from five. He yells out one as music starts to play, but I barely hear him. I’m too busy cupping Madeline’s face with both of my hands. Stroking her cheek with my thumb and listening to the shift in her breathing. She’s so soft, and when she kisses the corner of my mouth, I whimper.
A man gone, because she’s the best thing I’ve ever tasted, and once isn’t going to be enough. A million fucking times won’t be enough. It’s slow at first. A gentle press of her lips. A swipe of my tongue. Hesitant and learning, but after a minute, when I expect her to pull away, something shifts between us.
“Now we’re talking. Sounds like she has feelings for you. Those feelings probably scare her because she doesn’t think she’s allowed to have them, and that’s why she ran away.” I sigh and drop my head against the wall. “She’s… she’s become my favorite person in the world, and I’m confused because I don’t do stuff like this.”
Hudson kissed me the other night, and it was the best kiss of my life. It was a full-body experience. Toe-curling. Heart-stopping. Goddamn magical. It was like he wanted to consume me. Like he wanted to possess me.
“Hey, I was thinking… Can we talk about what happened on New Year’s?” “What happened on New Year’s?” “You already forgot?” He blushes. “Like I could forget that. I just wanted you to speak it into existence. We kissed, then you ran away from me. Did I do something wrong? Was it not good for you?”
“You two would’ve gotten along.” “You think so?” “I know so. You remind me of her. She was the world’s best mom. And so are you.”
“I try my best,” I whisper. “But it’s hard sometimes.” “I bet it is. I’ll never pretend to know what it’s like to be in your shoes and take on all the roles you do, but you make love look effortless. So did my mama. That’s exactly why she would’ve liked you.”
“Why? I can take it. I can take anything you give me.” His thumb moves up the inside of my wrist. It’s a slow drag, skin on skin contact, and I almost moan when he pulls away. “Friends, right?” “Friends,” I repeat, hating the damn word.
Hell, I’d be happy to stand in the hall and watch. I’d be happy to keep my hands to myself until she told me I could touch myself—could touch her. And if she let me join? I’d make it so good for her. I could be gentle. Rough. I could fuck her like I hated her or I could make love to her and kiss her soft and sweet. I’d get on my knees and beg, or I’d ask her to say please if that’s what she liked.
“I want to learn sign language so I can communicate with Lucy. I want to be able to ask about her day and tell her about mine. I want to know what she’s saying to Madeline that makes her laugh so much. I want to be included, but more importantly, I want to include her in my conversations instead of talking around her. I should’ve started learning it sooner. I don’t know why I waited so long, but I—” “Hudson.” Piper reaches for me. Her smile is bright when she wraps her fingers around mine. “That’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard.”
The notepad and Etch A Sketch help us get by. They’re fine, a tool that works, but I don’t want Lucy to have to change her way of doing things for me. I should be the one making an effort. It seems dehumanizing. Like I’m talking to a piece of paper, not to her. I don’t get to see the way her eyes light up when she’s sharing something that made her happy. I don’t get to see her smile when she asks if she can bring the dogs in for show-and-tell because I’m too busy flipping to a new page and jotting something down. By the time I look up, the moment is gone.
He lifts his chin. “Whose jersey are you wearing?” “Oh. Um. Riley’s?” I turn so he can see the name on the back. “Lexi grabbed it for me. I don’t own any Stars gear, and there weren’t many options in the team store.” “Interesting.” His eyes blaze with heat when I look at him over my shoulder. “Guess I’m going to have to make a call to our merchandise folks. Enjoy the game, Mads.” With a wink, he skates away from us to join his teammates lining up. When he pulls up next to Maverick, takes off his helmet and looks back at me, there are butterflies in my stomach.
“We’re friends, right?” I squeeze my thighs together. My breath gets stuck in my throat. There’s nothing friendly about the thoughts I’m currently having, but I nod anyway. “We are.” “Next time you come to a game, don’t show up in someone else’s jersey.”
“Time for a vote on the spicy scenes.” Maverick grabs a pen and paper from Riley’s coffee table. “Who would be down to be the one blindfolded and have their hands tied up?” I cough and reluctantly raise my hand in the air. My embarrassment lessens when Riley joins me, and the boys all cheer for us.
“Future starting center at Michigan, even if we have a girl. Especially if we have a girl. We’re going to break all the fucking glass ceilings, just like her mom,” he says before grabbing my shoulders and pulling me into a hug. “Look at us. Two fucking simps for our women. You taught me right, Huddy.” I laugh and squeeze him. “Stop. I don’t have a woman. You’ll let me know when you’re home?” “Yeah. I will.” “You’ll give Emmy a hug for me and let her know she’s my favorite of you two?” “I always do.”
That pain in my chest loosens with every floor the elevator climbs. When I open the door and slip inside, finding the four of them exactly where I thought they’d be, it goes away entirely. Home.
“What’s going on?” I sniff. “It’s been a day.” He looks around at the war zone that used to resemble his kitchen. “How can I help?”
I hesitantly search his face for any signs of bitterness. For a shred of resentment for what I have that he doesn’t, but I can’t find any.
“He’s upset about the changes to his diet. He’s no longer allowed to have a bowl of ice cream before bed.” “That’s cruel, honestly. What’s his favorite flavor?”
“Golden Girl?” “Yeah.” He gestures around the kitchen, not blinking at the catastrophe surrounding us. “You’re the brightest thing in this room. The brightest thing in every room.” Oh. I put my hand over my chest. My heart is racing a mile a minute, and I don’t think it’s going to slow down any time soon. Not as long as he’s in the picture. “Thank you,” I say.
“You said that’s not something you want. You told me you wanted to be friends. Just friends.” “That’s what I wanted before, but it’s not what I want anymore.” “What do you want?” I ask, terrified to hear the answer. “You,” she says, and it’s my favorite word she’s ever spoken.
Her lips pull up into a grin. She lifts her chin, a dare there, before she says, “Fuck it,” and crashes her mouth against mine. The planets realign.
THE. PLANETS. REALIGN.
I have never in my 23 years on earth seen a reverse roles 'fuck it' scene. im foaming at the mouth.
“Did you…” Her eyes flick to my sweatpants. “In your—” “Come in my pants? Oh, yeah. It’s everywhere. Halfway down my leg. Probably on my foot.
“I really need to get better about learning these hockey terms.” I look down at my glass and grin. “Especially if I keep kissing Hudson.” Piper screeches. Lexi pumps her fist in the air. Emmy grins, and Maven claps enthusiastically. You would think I just brought on world peace, not that I told them I had my first physical interaction with a man in goddamn years. “I beg your fucking pardon?” Piper takes my wine from me and sets it on the table next to a bowl of olives. “You better start talking right this second, Madeline Galloway.”
“Hey,” I croak. “You’re home.” “I am. And you’re asleep.” “What? No.” I sit up and rub my eyes, flicking on the lamp. “I was reading my book.” “In the pitch black? You sure are talented.” “It’s too late for your sarcasm, Hayes.”
