Promise Me Sunshine

by Cara Bastone

“Talking to yourself?” Miles asks dryly. “Well, I have to. God’s not picking up my calls ever since I tried to rope her into that MLM.” “I never have any idea what you’re talking about.” “It’s probably better that way.”

“So…say I do call you. What would you even do?” “Call and see.”

“I think when you’re depressed sometimes it’s easy to think that everyone is depressed? But right this very second, there are billions of people having happy moments. I kind of forgot about those people. I thought I knew how everything worked. And that all of it was terrible.”

Not everyone will accept help when they’re grieving. Some people just…go inward and bear it all alone.

She understood what it means to be someone’s secret. It means that you’re not their pride and joy. And she wanted me to feel that I was hers.”

When everything is going dark and you can’t understand why…when the grief catches up to you again…Or when your sister shouts at you and you feel like the world’s biggest tool. Just remember. Something good for you, something bad for you, and a change of scenery. That’s the winning formula.”

It doesn’t actually fix anything. But it buys you a little time.”

“What are you holding in?” “What?” “Look, with this kind of pain, you can’t hold it in or hide it or swerve it. The only way out is through. So what is it?”

“Most of the time life is easy, but we think it’s hard. Then something actually hard happens.” His knee knocks mine again. “It’s normal not to know how to get to the other side. You’ve never done it before.”

“I took it second by second. Sometime soon you’ll be getting from minute to minute and then day by day. And so on. But…the point isn’t trying to get where you’re not. The point is just…enduring.”

“Talk about her incessantly. Let’s say…two hours? That should be enough to get us started at least. If you need more time, we can add some. Tell me anything you want, in as much detail as you want. And you don’t have to worry about pleasantries or asking about my life or checking to see if I’m bored. For two hours, I’ll listen. No strings.”

“It bugs me that he’s nothing like my dad at all. And why would he be? My dad wasn’t there for him.”

From where I’m sitting you are someone who needs friends to be happy. People are your fuel. You are never happier than when you’re with Ainsley, or flirting with a waiter, or…”

it’s completely random, but you’re pretty random so it’s actually a fairly decent introduction to what being your friend is like.”

Who wants Prince Charming? I want someone as screwed up as I am so I don’t suffer by comparison.”

“I want something that feels…natural, even if it’s not always sexy. Because relationships change so much while you’re in them. And so do the people. Even if you start out wanting one thing, a few years down the road you might want something completely different.”

everything is vaguely disappointing if you directly compare it to some hypothetical white-hot sex you’re not currently having.

Companionship…it’s incredible if done right. It’s satisfying. And isn’t that ultimately what everyone wants? To feel fulfilled?” “Known.”

“Lenny, when I look at your face, I feel like I’m finally home after a really long day at work.”

Part of taking care of the people you love is taking care of yourself, right?”

Miles might be my lifeboat, but he doesn’t have to be my lifelong Coast Guard.

“If you push him,” I explain patiently, holding my hands out as an example. “Then he pushes back. But if you take him by the hand, he follows you anywhere.”

“I think that even in all your worst moments of grief, you’ve wished for companionship. I think you’re always, secretly, hoping for happy endings, even when they don’t seem possible. You say compulsive but I think they’re actually kind of just…tenacious. Like daisies popping up out of the snow.

winter for you. And I think that the part of you that can’t help but manufacture happiness, because that’s who you are, it’s been sending up these little flowers to pop up and keep you company.”

I knew he paid attention to me, but this is like…knowing me.

“I’m pretty much wrong about everything. Honestly, it’s one of my favorite parts of life. It turns everything into a surprise.”

But with you, Len, when I met you…I sort of feel like I met myself.”

ever. I love this apartment. I fell in love with you in this apartment.” “Trust me, Len. The thing you think you love about this apartment is actually me.”

I’m talking about dying over here. Isn’t that a pretty serious cry for help?” “Cry for help? No.” He snaps the book closed. “For attention? Definitely.”