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For those fearless enough to follow their heart
Damn the pretending. Damn the hiding. Damn everything but him and us and this moment where I need him.
“And if we wish for our great kingdom to remain, we will welcome Ordinaries back into it.”
I am the sacrifice that Ordinaries have bled and died for. I am the power they lack.
I thought I’d known torment until it wrapped around her finger. No, torment is tangible, and it gleams atop her tanned skin. I stare, unblinking, at the symbol my brother slid onto her finger. It is binding. It is infinite. It is my undoing. A laugh threatens to slip past my numb lips. It’s not as though she hadn’t promised to be my ruin, hadn’t already become my demise. She is the single most destructive thing I have ever desired, and yet, it is the diamond on her finger that will destroy me.
In love with a girl I’d have bowed to long before she became my queen.
I’ve been nothing but willing when it comes to drowning in those ocean eyes. But now, I can’t fathom drowning if she is not the anchor I’m sinking with.
I am the monster who hunted her down. I am the beast who delivered her to this doom. And I am afraid I’ll become so much worse when I’m no longer striving to deserve her.
I would spend the rest of my days making her flower crowns if she wanted to be a queen. My queen. Not Kitt’s. Not Ilya’s. Mine.
“Tonight, we pretend.”
Perhaps in another life, I am strong enough to never need proof of it. Perhaps in another life, I am brave enough to confess that I love him. Perhaps in another life, I learn to love him from afar. And that is the most fearless thing of them all.
He swallows. “I thought you might not walk through those doors tonight. And it made me realize that I’d much rather spend the rest of my life apart from you, watching at a distance, than without you.”
“Pae.” His voice is ragged. “I would lose my life for you before finding something else worth living for.” His fingers weave into my hair, slide along the back of my neck. “You are my inevitable. In life and in death.”
“I want to tell you a secret, but I’m scared of it.” He offers to say it for me. I nod. I notice what is hooked around his fingers, dangling from the hand beneath my knees. “You found my shoes!” He whispers the three-worded secret. “You found my shoes for me.” Another murmured declaration of devotion. Tears prick my eyes. “… you found my shoes for me.” He says he loves me. Again and again.
“I’m just… nervous.” He leans his forearms on the rail. “You usually are around me. Don’t hurt yourself over it, darling.” I turn to face him with a scoff. “I’m nervous about the journey, you prick.”
“My pretty Pae, would you like to dance?” Her smile seems to brighten the darkness. “I would never pass up the chance to stomp on your toes, Malakai.”
“You deserve a distraction too,” I say as softly as the stormy sea will allow. He brushes cool knuckles down the side of my cheek. “You are forever my distraction, darling.”
“I promised to save your life again and again. And I will, whether you allow me to stay in it or not.”
“Sorry for killing your men, Torri. But I’m afraid they deserved it, so I’m really not.”
“Quite the gentleman you’ve become,” I croon. “Only for you.”
“Death himself couldn’t drag me from you.”
“There is love within duty, and duty within love. You can’t have one without the other, and yet”—she takes a deep breath, her gaze distant—“you can never truly have both. So choose, Kai Azer. The girl. Or power. And whether or not she is worth the destruction of everything you are.”
“Being an Ordinary is not what makes you weak. It’s your heart.”
“It seems you’ll make a fine queen.” The diamond on my finger grows heavy. “It’s as though you were born for this.”
DOES HE KNOW???
“And I am your brother,” he says quickly. “Always. No matter what.”
hmmmm
“After this,” he shouts, “I won’t get to call you Princess anymore.” His smile is bittersweet. “I’ll have to call you Queen.”
“Adena died here. I want to die here too.” Blood trickles from my ears, mingling with the tears racing down my face. “I couldn’t save her then. But I can save you now.”
“It’s just you and me. Under the willow.”
Today is my third Trial. Last night was a nightmare.
YOU'RE KIDDING
“Paedyn, I love you. Like nothing else before, I love you. And I’ve been waiting to tell you since I realized your eyes are my favorite color and your freckles the only constellation worth looking at. I could lie—say that you’ve stolen my every thought and heartbeat like the thief you are, but all of me was already yours. Pae, you are my inevitable.”
You know how good the staff is at keeping secrets. They’ve been doing it for decades.”
…
“It’s Adena’s boy from Loot.” She chokes on his name. “Mak.”
:(
“Take care of her for me,” she whispers atop his pale skin. “Take care of her, Mak.” I almost don’t hear her final, broken whisper. “See you in the sky.”
Why does my love deserve to live and Adena’s does not? But they are together now, decorating the sky. That is what he wanted, I’m beginning to realize. He only wished to see her in the sky.
“Of course.” His scrutinizing gaze drifts over the elegant dress before returning to my face. I catch the slight bob of his throat. “You really do look like your mother.”
SOMEONE PLS TELL HER BEFORE SHE MARRIES HIM
“Don’t,” Kai practically chokes. “Don’t walk toward me wearing that dress.” I’ve never heard the Enforcer sound so shaken. “It only reminds me that I won’t be the one awaiting you at the end of that aisle.”
“I’ve just never been dead before.” I shrug a shoulder. “It was kind of nice.” Kitt’s laugh bounces all around us. His stare seems to clear suddenly. “Peaceful, I’m sure.” “I should die more often.”
“A king left his mark upon my heart, and now, I will leave mine across his kingdom.”
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So when I send the words to the forefront of my mind, I mirror the shadow of a smile that lifts his lips. Hello, Father.
YEAHHHHHHHH
Beasts don’t get the beauty.
“We are half siblings,” Kitt finally blurts.
!!!!!!!!
This isn’t a goodbye, Father. Only a good way to say bye until we meet again. Because I will haunt you in every lifetime. A shadow of the woman you loved, trapped in the body of an Ordinary you hate. I smile. His eyes widen as though the torture has already begun. Until then, Father.
I loved him more than anyone, and until a clumsy thief ran into me all those months ago, I never believed I could love anyone as much.
“Majesty, I have many titles for you. Not all are appropriate to shout.”
“I think…” His eyes flutter shut. “My fate was to save you from me.”
And with the last of his dwindling strength, whispers, “Love each other for me.”
“No. You are strength. Life itself. That is why Death fears you.”
“We are all just shadows of what we believe to be true.”
“I think we got it wrong in Dor. You are the Flame. And I… I am the Shadow falling at your feet.”
