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“What is a bargain if not an oath? And what is an oath if not a promise with a price? Call these what you will. All are cut from the same cloth—a cloth woven of intention, will, and sacrifice.
but there are intentions and there is reality… and it seems I am forever caught between the two.
‘Intuition is just a fancy word for gut instincts,’ ” I murmur, remembering what Lu told me the first time she showed me the Heart. “ ‘And instinct is blood knowledge,’ ” Hazel finishes with a smile. “ ‘Knowledge from your bones, passed down through time.’ ”
I don’t answer him. Instead, I stare at the door and imagine the kitchen counter on the other side where Hazel has been working for eight weeks straight to heal a girl she barely knows, because it’s the right thing to do. Because she’s stubborn as hell too. The women around me are all in the business of throwing themselves at the wall, again and again, until it breaks—or molds itself in their images. It’s a type of impatient living that I’ve never dared try.
“Your power, you, they’re one and the same. We may know ourselves best, but we don’t always know what we’re capable of doing—or becoming.”
The world is here, around and between us, and we’re allowed to live in it. We’re allowed to figure out what we want from our time on the planet—and who. Or at least, we should
I don’t need anyone else to validate how I feel about myself, how I’ve grown, and who I’m becoming… but that doesn’t mean I don’t want it. Don’t secretly wish for it. For them.
the true end product is not external but internal.” He looks at me. “The beginning of a quest is often loss. A great and necessary loss, to spark the first step down the road unknown.”
I wonder if the boy even remembers his training, or if his past has faded away beneath the… cravings. He is missing, and so am I. Missing people, missing ourselves.
Nick studies me as though he is choosing his next words carefully. “He’s a Kingsmage… and you’re his king.”
My heart crumples inside my chest. “But I’m just one person, Mariah. I can’t be everyone’s answer. I can’t be everyone’s plan.”
“No, I… I could have taken a beat—” “I don’t get it.” Zoe says, shaking her head. “Y’all are both trying to be picture-perfect descendants, even though you’ve only ever lived your life once. And that life has only just gotten started. Talk about an impossible standard.”
“You say you aren’t angry with Iris. Why not?” Nick pauses before he replies. Then he raises his chin, casting his voice clear to the room. “Because she is worthy.” Nick’s eyes seek mine one final time. “And while I have lost my faith in the world… I never lose faith in her.”
“Oh, what is this?” Valec turns to her, eyes amused. “Don’t tell me a cambion pup thinks she can talk down to me in my own domain? Within the boundaries of my ward?” Zoe smirks. “This pup doesn’t really care whose domain it is. What’s your problem, Grandpa?”
“While we know ourselves best, we don’t always know what we’re capable of doing or becoming”—he pauses, thinking—“and we can always choose new paths if we need to.” I swallow around a lump. “Rules can change.” His eyes flash red. “Picked up a little demon talk on your walk ’round the dark side?”
Loving folks is a practice, baby.”
Guilt and shame won’t help me here. They arrest motion, and now is the time to act.
“I have learned that you are nothing without your desires. Any power you have is driven not by what is right, or what is fair, or what your neighbor wishes, but what you want. What your will and intention make manifest.”
