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For the girls who face the unknown… and leap anyway
Even now the Order believes Erebus to be their highest-ranked, most loyal Merlin soldier. Only he and I know the truth—that he is the Order’s greatest enemy. And only we know that I, the Order’s own Crown Scion and king, have left the Round Table to become his pupil.
“If Nicholas Davis had touched you, he would not have let you go.” Erebus’s lips purse. “He will be a nuisance enough as it is.”
I am the Bloodcrafted descendant of King Arthur. I am a Rootcrafter and Legendborn, or I was before I deserted both groups. Now I am the Shadow King’s bloodmarked investment.
“Two demands, and only one fulfilled. You owe me, Briana.” His smile spreads. “We are as good as Oathbound, you and I.”
“Greedy men collect what they cannot understand, and weak men destroy what they cannot control. A man who is both will attempt to recreate that which is beyond his comprehension, obliterating the original in the process.”
“I will build you into a girl whom no one can destroy. You won’t need a weapon. You’ll become one.”
“I will fulfill Vera’s wish. I will honor her sacrifice. But if neither she nor my other ancestors can teach me how, then I must become something they never could.”
“I must become untouchable.”
“And if they are everywhere, then I will become something they cannot reach.”
“If my opponents are relentless,” I say, “then I will become unstoppable.”
“And if they want my power and body and suffering for their own ends, then I ...
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“Searching for Sel was not a waste of time,” Nick says in a low voice. “He isn’t expendable. Neither is Bree.”
What has it come to that I can imagine our enemies treating our king better than our leadership would?
I’m gonna suggest we three leave with Chen right about now so y’all can continue this lovers’ quarrel in private.” “We’re not lovers,” both boys say, and even Aunt Lu shakes her head in amusement.
He is handsome when he is focused, I realize, then swallow at the surge of unasked-for heat around my collar.
“To answer your question, I will not pursue Bree, because even if she is with an enemy, I know that she will survive—which is a far better fate than what awaits her here.”
I am an orphan of your Court. I have lived beneath your violence; I have seen what you seek to hide, not just here but everywhere. And in my time away from this court, I have seen and felt your truths more clearly than ever.” “What truths?” “Your supremacy,” Nick says, brows tight. “Your misogyny. Your racism. Your cowardice.”
“Briana Matthews cannot be the only voice that speaks against you.” Nick’s face turns derisive. A bright fury, rising beneath his skin. “Not when she bears our burdens for us and goes so unprotected. Not when you erase her humanity to guard your own power and protect your own whiteness.”
In all of this, I can at least find some solace in knowing that Bree Matthews will be free to live her life without the chaos we call the Order.
I know to age is an honor. I just wish it didn’t remind me that time is passing.
“ ‘Intuition is just a fancy word for gut instincts,’ ” I murmur, remembering what Lu told me the first time she showed me the Heart. “ ‘And instinct is blood knowledge,’ ” Hazel finishes with a smile. “ ‘Knowledge from your bones, passed down through time.’ ”
Maybe it’s not about having the answer, but making yourself the answer.
“Humans, on the other hand, are nosy about all the wrong shit and ask all the wrong questions. Human beings deny other human beings’ humanity and call that power.”
Cowardice and bigotry don’t have to have faces. Their actions speak loudly enough.
“A quest… is a long journey that someone goes on to search for something.” He hums. “Better. Nearly every culture on the planet has produced a quest story, although they may call these journeys by different names. While the purpose of a quest is often defined as an external achievement—slay the dragon, save the maiden—the true end product is not external but internal.” He looks at me. “The beginning of a quest is often loss. A great and necessary loss, to spark the first step down the road unknown.”
“Shadows are birthed from both light and darkness, Briana Matthews.”
“Because,” I murmur, “once you lose everyone… fear loses its advantage.”
“Briana is mine. My Scion. My sovereign. My king,” Selwyn utters, lip curling.
Lark’s hand tightens on my elbow. “Will…,” he says, eyeing my gauntlet and newly formed dagger. “Will… don’t do this.” “Let me go,” I growl. “William.” Lark glances overhead. “Please.” I feel my eyes burn; the world begins to turn green. “Larkin, I am warning you—” Lark steps closer, whispering, “Sweetheart… honey.” My breath turns shaky, rattling in my chest. He’s never called me those things before. Lark taps his forehead gently against mine. His slides his hand down to wrap around my wrist as his voice turns soft. “You don’t want to hurt me, and I don’t want to hurt you. We have to go.…”
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Consider this part of your mission a test, Erebus said. Focus on your objective. Devise a plan. Make quick work of an unknown magical opponent. Be untouchable, unstoppable— Impervious.
The only warning before he presses his mouth to mine—then, there is nothing to know, nothing to remember, nothing to earn or fight for. Only this.
I want to chase myself through his lips. Climb into the knowledge of us that I’m suddenly, inexplicably certain he possesses. I want to burrow into his memories of me. Map my history using the heat of his hands against my skin. I fall and fall.
“You don’t remember who I am, but you’re still just as stubborn as you’ve always been. Just as dauntless.” My body grows warm. “Thank you?” He grins. “You’re welcome.”
How can you miss something that feels like it was never really there?
“You weren’t supposed to be here. An hour or two, I could handle. But three days?” He looks away, taking the storm with him. “There’s no way in hell I can be around you for that long.”
“Call me curious,” I bite out, yanking my right hand—to no avail. His grip is iron. “Call you vicious, you mean.” His eyes flick down to the table, amused and knowing. “Are you really going for that dagger strapped to your thigh, right out here in the open?”
“Look at you. Incredible. You’re a gorgeous, powerful, violent little enigma who would stab me in front of all these people just to make a point.”
“Well, the thing about making people like us stronger is that, given enough freedom, we’ll find a way to use that strength against the very assholes who wish to control it.”
But when I look back at Nick, he’s gazing at me as though I’m exactly who I should be. Like I am complete. Nick looks at me as if, no matter what’s been taken from me, in this moment I am more than enough. As if I am so much that I could overwhelm him if he’s not careful. I don’t want him to be careful.
The first time we kissed—actually, every time we kissed there was an ache, a burn, a…” He shakes his head, shrugging helplessly. “I don’t know. Kissing you feels like a reminder that…” “That you’re still alive.”
“Kissing you is like touching the sky, like touching the horizon. God, Bree, it’s even like touching the—” “The fall,” I whisper. “Not just standing at the edge, but going over. All of it.” “Yes,” he says quietly. “All of it.”
“But just because someone’s not fully with us doesn’t mean they’re gone.”
“You’re the Crown Scion of Arthur,” he mumbles. “Sel wouldn’t even bother killing me, actually. He’d do worse. Hang me upside down by my toes and lecture me to death.”
“Legends are born from a kernel of truth, but myths create meaning because people treat them like truth. A being that old could be one or the other—or something in between.”
“Something about this place is making it harder to… hide.” “Yeah.” After a long moment, I shrug. “Guess we all have our demons.” He frowns—then releases a bark of warm laughter. “That is an excellent joke.” “You like that?” I smile. “Just came up with it.” “Please tell Sel when we find him.” He grins. “He’ll hate it.”
“I wanted to become what they asked. The tip of the spear, the point of the arrow. The wound turned weapon,” I say, voice catching on my clogged throat. “I still want to be their chosen one, but I just… I don’t know how.”
“Y’all are both trying to be picture-perfect descendants, even though you’ve only ever lived your life once. And that life has only just gotten started. Talk about an impossible standard.”
“Vera mighta had a vision for your life, but don’t you deserve a chance to update her on the reality of your life? And petition for her help with that?”
“I don’t expect or need all of my ancestors to understand my life, but I think I deserve to live it. I deserve to figure it out.”
