Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility

by Foster W. Cline

TEACHER: (walking up to the student and whispering) “Megan, I need you to move your chair back. Would you consider doing that for me? Thank you.” (The word consider takes away any threat and eliminates the opportunity for Megan to be defiant.) MEGAN: “But I want Brittany to help me.” TEACHER: (still whispering) “I’m sure that’s true, and I’d like you to consider moving.” MEGAN: “No. I don’t have to.” TEACHER: (still whispering) “Thanks for considering it. Do you really think that it’s wise to refuse when I ask in a nice way? Personally, I don’t think that’s a wise decision. We’ll talk about that later.” (The teacher walks away, and Megan remains where she is, provided she does not create a disturbance.) Because Megan was not ordered to move, she has already complied with the teacher’s request. She was not told to move, only to consider moving. Nobody has lost a battle at this point. The other students are not aware of the problem, and the teacher’s authority has not been challenged in front of the group. Megan’s teacher now has the time to figure out how to deal with Megan’s lack of cooperation. If discipline is necessary, it can be done in private.