Unloved (The Undone, #2)

by Peyton Corinne

“I want to be someone else,” she blurts, and her eyes start to well. I want the stars back, the bright honeyed hazel eyes that look at everything with wonder. “I want to be like you.” “No, you don’t,” I laugh sharply. “I’m not brave or cool or anything fun, I’m just… I’m careful. I’m good, and it’s still not enough. I want to be more.” “You can be whatever you want to be.”

“I think it’s hard for people to like me. And I try really hard.” Tears well up in her eyes for a moment and my throat closes a little at the sight. At the sentiment, too, because I understand it deeply. So I offer her a piece of my own vulnerability to match hers. “I hate that. Sometimes I feel that way, too.” Goose bumps break out across my arms at the earnest confession, but I can’t take it back now. And… I don’t want to.

“I think you’d be really easy to love,” she says. It’s a lax, whispered compliment, one she doesn’t know sounds like a gunshot in my head, hitting me straight in the chest.

“Don’t worry, Freddy is probably obsessed with you now. Might be good payback for you spending the entirety of freshman and sophomore years pining over him.”

“Hey,” I say, dropping my voice. The effect is immediate, her skin flushing rose gold. My smile only widens; I love that I have an effect on her.

But she’s lying because she wants to help me. Without embarrassing me or calling me out.

I already like her, want to be a friend to her. I’ve never really felt comfortable around a girl enough to want to be her friend, but this feels warm and safe. I want to see her around, more than tutoring. And… I think it could be good for her, too.

“If you were my girlfriend, Rosalie,” he says, his voice deep and rough. My full name is like warm honey dripping from his lips. “You wouldn’t have to do anything to convince me. Just a fucking smile and I’d be a goner, okay?”

I make a vow then to protect her, the pretty girl with butterflies in her messy curls, even if she’ll never really be mine.

“I’ll be your friend, Ro,” I say. “I want you to see me as your friend.” “I’d like that, Matt.” She smiles, small and gentle, and I feel another layer of care and protectiveness reach out from me to her. A friend—not because of being on the same hockey team or some kind of trade-off. Just my friend, because she wants to be.

“To be loved is to be seen—and she’s the first person to really see him. That’s why they fall in love.”

I think I’m in love with her—not even romantically, but on some soul level. I feel devoted to her.

“Hey,” he chides gently. “Let’s not use those words to describe ourselves.”

“I’m scared.” “Ro,” he croaks, a sad smile marring his perfect features. “You’re breaking my heart, princess.”

“Dance with me?” I ask. He smiles and touches his nose to mine. “Always.”

“I just want to hold you. Just for tonight, please.”

You’re the most amazing, wonderful person I’ve ever met, and sometimes I nearly make myself sick over what I’ll do without you when this is over between us. In my dreams, I take care of you the way you take care of other people, and you’re relaxed and calm. And before bed, you tell me how easy it is to love me. I’m starting to think I’d give up anything, even hockey, for that life with you.

“You sat here for seven hours waiting for me?” “I’m really shocked they didn’t call campus security.” He furrows his brow, as if really considering it. “Actually, that’s concerning. Maybe you shouldn’t live here anymore. You can stay at the Hockey House.”

I think the sight of her beneath me, being inside of her, would change me forever.

Loving Rosalie Shariff would be the easiest thing I’ve ever done—I know, because I’m already doing it. I think I’ve loved her since the day she stood up for me in that conference room. As a friend first, something I’ve never had, but now it’s more. It’s overwhelming, suddenly hard to swallow or even look at her. So I turn her around and wash her back reverently. I can’t stop myself from pressing a kiss into her back, right at the top of her spine. I think loving you would be the greatest thing in my life.

“Sometimes the people we love most hurt us the easiest, even if they don’t mean to.”

I love her. I do—and it’s more than that; I admire her, every piece that makes her my Rosalie.

“I think you are one of the best people I’ve ever known. And I think it would be almost too easy to fall in love with you.” Something I’ve said makes his entire face light up as he pulls me in for a tight hug. “Yeah?” He trembles in my grip, but his smile is infectious, pressed to the skin of my neck. “Yeah,” I breathe. “Now, I want to go on a date with my boyfriend.”

“I don’t like that.” Matt frowns, his finger pushing my chin back up to close my mouth. “What?” “You looking at my goalie like he’s performed some kind of miracle,” he says dramatically. “Learn to cook, then,” Bennett says quietly, a hint of a smile on his face as he hands Matt a plate with a stuffed omelet, veggies and chicken overflowing.

Sadie is on Rhys’s back like a very reluctant, very angry koala bear.

“Sadie,” Matt says with a salute. “You look… taller.” “Ha-ha,” she deadpans. “I’m rolling over here.” “Rolling! That’s a great idea—we should get you a wheelchair to run around Waterfell in. I’ll even volunteer to push you around.”

“Ridiculous,” she grumbles, snatching a piece of fruit from my untouched plate. “Do you see this?” Rhys snaps his finger at her, face serious as he orders, “You need up, you tell me.” “Wanna bet?” She looks like a feral kitten facing off with a calm, stern labrador. “Walk and see what happens, kotonyok.” He accents the Russian heavily, and I melt a little. Even Sadie’s eyes go a little hazy before she can help it. “Hey,” Matt snaps, pulling out of the hug he’d just granted his friend. “Not cool—either of you. No foreign language shit, that’s cheating.” He points toward Bennett. “And you? No cooking in front of my girlfriend—that’s… that’s even worse, I think.”

“Go ahead,” I say to my girlfriend and her mom. “I’ll help you in, Mr. Shariff.” “Don’t need help,” Mr. Shariff grumbles while grabbing my arm and using my body like a crutch. I was right, he’s tall, and grumpy—though that seems to be a trait he’s reserved for me. “Where do you wanna go? Kitchen table or the couch?” He doesn’t speak at first, just eyes me skeptically. “Or I can dump you right back outside and let you start over.” His hand grips me tighter and I think he’s angry at first, before I realize he’s… laughing. He’s laughing so hard he’s about to fall over, so I wrap my arm around his waist to steady him. “Kitchen,” he says, smiling now as we walk slowly into the house together.

“I love you,” I say. He freezes, a tender smile tentatively spreading—nervous, worried I’ll take the words back. “Yeah?” he asks, disbelieving and wanting in a way that pulls at my chest. “Yeah,” I say to reassure him, voice strong. “And I’m not scared, because it’s you. I was terrified that it would be hard to trust someone again, to be this vulnerable, but…” I bite my lip before the words spill like tipped-over wine. “I think falling in love with you is the easiest thing I’ve ever done.” It’s his turn to laugh, but his eyes shine, glimmering with tears. A thread of worry worms through my stomach. “What?” He shakes his head, stepping toward me. “Nothing. You just… you said something really similar once.”

“And, if it wasn’t clear, I love you, too,” he says. “I think I’ve loved you for a long time.”

“I love you, Rosalie,” he breathes, grinning broadly, smile lines cutting his cheeks sharply. “God, it feels so good to say that.” “I love you, Matty,” I whisper, tucking my fingers into the gold chain and looping it around.

This, with him, forever. It’s the best thing I’ve ever felt. And it’s love. And it’s real.

Before we left, Ro tied one of the ribbons from her hair onto my bag. For good luck, she told me. I’m practically preening, shuffling my bag nearly into the center of the dressing room for the guys to see it. To ask me about it. It’s from my girlfriend, I almost scream when Holden finally asks. I’m made of smiles. Every one of them finally real.

“Elsie was the best thing in my life. I loved her when we were kids—she was my best friend, my personal cheerleader for our small-town hockey team. And then I fell in love with her when she spent an entire summer dedicated to helping me recover enough to play. When she cried with me after the second injury, drank with me all night when I found out I’d never play again… I always knew… I knew I was hers. And for me, that was enough. Just to be there for her, even if she’d never be just mine.”