Unloved (The Undone, #2)

by Peyton Corinne

“Tyler wants you on the back burner while he goes to that stupid conference this weekend and does whatever he wants to do. But once school’s back in, he’s going to be trying to get back together with you.”

EXACTLY

“You’re incredible.” I’ve heard those same words so many times, but the way she says them, they sound more genuine somehow. Like this isn’t about my body at all. Sex is easy to me; I’ve been a quick study since I was far too young. Hockey is even easier, and I’m better than most because I work hard beyond how much comes naturally to me. But outside of that? I’m… nothing. I’m a fucking failure at using my brain—anything beyond the physical is pointless for me to even attempt because I’m nothing when I’m not using my body. But… this feels different.

“If you’re jumping, I’m jumping.” I shrug. “You are?” “Why not?” I smile. “Unless you want to do it alone.” Rosalie shakes her head rapidly. “I hate being alone.” Me, too.

“I think you’d be really easy to love,” she says. It’s a lax, whispered compliment, one she doesn’t know sounds like a gunshot in my head, hitting me straight in the chest.

“Not what you told me,” he says in a singsong. “Besides, I like Rosalie.”

I don’t know it, but I immediately search for it on my phone, trying to figure out where I can stream it, debating asking her to come watch it with me, my constant want for relief of loneliness beckoning yet again.

I already like her, want to be a friend to her. I’ve never really felt comfortable around a girl enough to want to be her friend, but this feels warm and safe. I want to see her around, more than tutoring. And… I think it could be good for her, too.

“If you were my girlfriend, Rosalie,” he says, his voice deep and rough. My full name is like warm honey dripping from his lips. “You wouldn’t have to do anything to convince me. Just a fucking smile and I’d be a goner, okay?”

“What’s this?” “Iced dirty chai. That’s what you like, right?” She looks so confused and mildly upset that a bolt of panic shoots through me. “Did I get it wrong? I’m sorry. I’ll buy you something else at—” She cuts me off. “No, no, no, it’s my favorite. I can’t believe you remembered. Thank you, Matt.” My given name feels like a warm blanket falling over me as it rolls off her tongue. “No big deal.”

I make a vow then to protect her, the pretty girl with butterflies in her messy curls, even if she’ll never really be mine.

I blame my multiple breakdowns for how quickly tears start to gather in my eyes at the kindness of it. He didn’t ask if I’d already eaten, didn’t ask if I wanted anything… he just did it. For me.

“I’ll be your friend, Ro,” I say. “I want you to see me as your friend.” “I’d like that, Matt.” She smiles, small and gentle, and I feel another layer of care and protectiveness reach out from me to her. A friend—not because of being on the same hockey team or some kind of trade-off. Just my friend, because she wants to be.

“To be loved is to be seen—and she’s the first person to really see him. That’s why they fall in love.”

“No, don’t. I’m a giant.” I smile slightly. “You’re tall. But I’m taller.” “And stronger,” she breathes, snuggling closer as I walk into her room. I feel like preening, puffing my chest a little. “Yeah, princess. And stronger.”

“I made you a coffee—I think I got your order right.” I think I’d drink rotten milk if she made it for me.

I think I’m in love with her—not even romantically, but on some soul level. I feel devoted to her.

for a hint. Her trust is exhilarating. I shrug. “I did some digging.” I spent all night searching for something to even slightly show my appreciation for what you’ve done for me. “I thought you’d like it.”

And I can’t shake the desperation to be the one on the receiving end of her smiles. Just like I’ll never be able to pluck the memory of her telling me how easy it would be to love someone like me from my brain.

“If you wanna kiss someone, I’m right here.” It comes out breathy, but I’m smiling as my hand works its way up her side to rest against the right side of her neck. I lean in, skimming my nose along her cheek. “And I’m way fucking better at it than him. I promise, princess.”

“Absolutely,” I say, pressing another kiss to her heated neck. “I’m so good at this, Ro. Please, let me show you.” Another press of my mouth. “Just a kiss.”

He smiles, and it’s so blinding it feels like standing in the sun on a warm California beach day. Like home.

Freddy is warmth and sunlight, shining and shimmering across ocean-blue water. The kind you want to bask in.

My chest aches as I circle my arms around his neck and pull him closer. He smells like whiskey and body paint, and he feels dangerously like mine.

You’re the most amazing, wonderful person I’ve ever met, and sometimes I nearly make myself sick over what I’ll do without you when this is over between us. In my dreams, I take care of you the way you take care of other people, and you’re relaxed and calm. And before bed, you tell me how easy it is to love me. I’m starting to think I’d give up anything, even hockey, for that life with you.

“Yeah, princess,” I breathe, my hand coming up to cup her cheek. She’s warm from the water and the blush of her arousal. “I wanna kiss you,” I pant. “Please, please let me kiss you.”

Loving Rosalie Shariff would be the easiest thing I’ve ever done—I know, because I’m already doing it. I think I’ve loved her since the day she stood up for me in that conference room. As a friend first, something I’ve never had, but now it’s more.

It’s overwhelming, suddenly hard to swallow or even look at her. So I turn her around and wash her back reverently. I can’t stop myself from pressing a kiss into her back, right at the top of her spine. I think loving you would be the greatest thing in my life.

He’s like a shower and cool sheets after baking in the summer sun. A nap after the beach, all at once comforting and invigorating. Healing.

Your touch feels different. Your words feel different. Everything with you feels different, better.

Be mine. Let me call you my girlfriend, not just my friend. I’ll be so fucking good to you.

“I’m sorry, I know I’m early—” Shaking my head, I try to cut him off. “Matt—” “—and it’s fine if you want me to wait out here, you can take your time, but I…” He pauses, shaking his head and smiling, looking as dazed and dopey as I feel. “I was too excited to wait any longer, so I came over. And I got these for you, but I— There’s something on there. I had the girl at the store write it for me because no way you’d be able to read my handwriting, and my hands were shaking, honestly—”

Will you be my girlfriend? —Matty Signed Matty—not Freddy. He’s mine, in that way. To everyone else he might be Freddy, smiling and joking at his own expense. To me, he is Matty, or Matt—walls down, the real him.

“Matt,” I breathe, emotions bubbling in my throat, overflowing. “This is the most romantic, wonderful thing anyone has ever done for me. And that’s not even the first time I’ve said that to you.” We both laugh, but it fades quickly in the nervous energy filling the air almost suffocatingly. “I just want to be clear about how I feel.” “I want to be with you. I would love to be your girlfriend. And I want to be clear about that, too.” I sense the weight of my own words as I say them. “I know how you feel. I’ve been confused about how people feel before. Tyler made me feel ashamed of the fact that I wasn’t wanted when I thought that I was. He played games all the time. And I never want to feel that again; I don’t want you to feel that way again.”

“So then, we promise not to ever make each other feel that way.” He hesitates for a moment, searching for the words. “To be… careful with each other?”

“I think you are one of the best people I’ve ever known. And I think it would be almost too easy to fall in love with you.” Something I’ve said makes his entire face light up as he pulls me in for a tight hug.

boyfriend.” He kisses me, and just like the very first time he kissed me, freshman year, my knees go weak.

Matt eyes me, too, realizing I’ve frozen on the sidewalk under the glittering lights, making me feel like we’re in some romantic snow globe.

“I think falling in love with you is the easiest thing I’ve ever done.”

“And, if it wasn’t clear, I love you, too,” he says. “I think I’ve loved you for a long time.”