Never Have I Ever: Submitted to My Enemy

by Willow Dixon

I went straight for my “Tunes to Drown Out My Roommates’ Banging” playlist. Yes, I liked to give my lists weird names.

Same, friend, same.

He was into edging, sensory deprivation, probably humiliation, and being used. Those were also high on my list of favorite kinks.

Fun’s hesitation was hot as fuck. It told me he wasn’t experienced, and that pushed all my buttons. Corrupting “straight” boys was one of my favorite pastimes. And being one of the first, if not the first, to get my dick in someone satisfied a baser part of myself I usually didn’t let out. That bastard was dark and possessive and way too intense for most people.

Fuck, this guy was so into it, so fucking desperate.

“Did you like hearing me come?” “I did. So hot.” His voice was dreamy and a little slurred. “I liked hearing you. Thinking about fucking you made me come so hard. Knowing you were getting off thinking about me was so hot.”

Omg I love this 🥵

Fun probably didn’t realize it, but he’d fallen into subspace. I usually didn’t like to get people too deep over the phone because it was difficult to do any sort of meaningful aftercare with just my voice, but I’d lost myself with him and hadn’t held back.

Awww 🥹

The object of my desire became my entire world, and I learned everything I could about it, or, in the case of people, I tended to smother them with attention and freak them out.

The people who only like you because of what they think you are will only continue to drag you down.”

I was a chameleon, always had been. I craved acceptance, and I didn’t need therapy to tell me why. Molding myself to match what others wanted me to be was second nature and a way to shield myself from rejection. If someone didn’t like the version of me I’d shown them, then it wasn’t me they were rejecting; it was a persona.

Most days I felt like I was screaming into the void. Like everyone around me was too busy or inwardly focused to actually hear what I was saying.

I smirked. This guy’s attitude was kind of adorable.

🤭

Was I pathetic for the little flutter of happiness that shot through me? Probably, but whatever.

Aww 🥺

“Can’t complain.” He grinned sardonically. “Well, that’s not true. I can always complain. But I’m fine.”

Meeee

Love and hate were two sides of the same coin, both fueled by passion. Most people knew that love could easily shift to hate, but the reverse was also true.

I’d never told anyone, but a lot of the more extreme things I’d done in my life were when I was in one of my spirals. When my impulse control was at zero and my desire to feel something, especially a nice dump of dopamine, overruled my logical brain.

Now, after all this time, I found out he hadn’t slept with her. She hadn’t dumped me because Kai had promised her a future or a relationship. She’d dumped me because of me. Because I’d been too much to handle.

🥺🥺🥺

Beck had put up with more of my shit than anyone else. He didn’t deserve to be my emotional punching bag because I was fucked up.

😭😭😭

Yet I’d stood there, jealous of my six-year-old sister because she was hugging a guy who felt like mine.

The image of Alex on his knees melted into the faceless one that my mind had created for Fun.

Oop 👀

My secret, the one I hadn’t even told Fun about, was that I was a jealous, possessive bastard. When someone was mine, they were mine.

“I didn’t know where else to go.”

😭😭😭

drum. “I hate what you’ve done to me.” “What did I do to you?” The little growl he let out shouldn’t have been so hot. “You made me feel.”

“I hate you. I spent the last god knows how many hours walking around in the fucking rain, and all I could think about was how I needed to see you. So you could make it better. I don’t even remember deciding to come here, but here I am. I hate you, but I need you. How fucked up is that?”

Why did it have to be you on the other end of the line? Why are you the only one who can make the noise in my head shut up?” “Because you were made for me.”

He wanted me. That little voice in my head was loud now. Mine. Mine. Mine.

“You’re just going to stand there and take it, aren’t you? Like the good little cockslut you are.”

Alex’s lips molded to mine, he let out the softest, sweetest sigh. That sound was my undoing. As much as he might hate me, he still wanted me. Mine. Mine. Mine.

Edging was one of my biggest kinks.

“Why are you so fucking perfect?” he grumbled. “You always know what to say. It’s annoying.”

I liked taking care of him. That was a kink I hadn’t known I had because no one other than him had triggered it.

But Alex was different. I was in love with him and had been for a while. He was everything. The only person who’d ever broken through my defenses and made me want more. And with him, I didn’t just want more. I wanted everything.

“Look. At. You.” I closed the door behind me. Alex lay on my bed, wearing nothing but a sexy-as-fuck smile, his cock half-hard and his body relaxed.

Yes, he was gorgeous, but seeing him like this, all spread out and relaxed as he trusted me with his pleasure, was everything. He was everything.

Sassy Alex, shy Alex, happy Alex, even pissed-off Alex. I was here for all of him.

“Do you want to be mine?” I took a step closer. “Yes,” he whispered. “Do you want me to be yours?” His nostrils flared, and heat filled his eyes. “Yes.”

Pissing him off was fun, but making him happy, seeing that smile, and knowing it was because of me, did things to my insides.

He was touch starved, and apparently, so was I.

Alex was my everything, and I was so thankful he was mine.