Never Have I Ever: Submitted to My Enemy

by Willow Dixon

Love and hate were two sides of the same coin, both fueled by passion. Most people knew that love could easily shift to hate, but the reverse was also true.

My eyes were glued to his lips as he sucked on his fingers. Biting back a moan, I tore my gaze from him and stared straight ahead. My dick was hard because of course it was. Thank fuck I’d put on skinny jeans this morning so he wouldn’t be able to tell.

I leveled a glare at him, but the fucker stared right back at me, his dark eyes smoldering as he slowly sucked his thumb into his mouth. The inside of my mouth tingled. He gently pulled his thumb free and used the tip of his tongue to tease it. Fuck.

“It’s definitely hard.” He dropped his eyes to my crotch. Resisting the urge to cover my hard-on, I nodded at his noticeable bulge. “I could say the same for you,” I said sweetly.

“If you get that excited over breakfast, then maybe you should be in therapy and not studying to be the therapist.”

“Fucking idiot,” I muttered, closing my eyes and waiting for Kai to say something scathing and completely warranted. That little voice in the back of my head taunted me. Stupid. Moron. Lazy. “Here.” “Huh?” Some of the haze cleared at his calm tone, and I looked up.

“You’re not mad?” I blinked at him. Why wasn’t he angry? “Shit happens.” He downed the rest of his coffee, then stood. “Let’s get in line. I don’t want to stay after class.”

The little bolt of happiness that shot through me when Fun’s message appeared in our thread was disconcerting.

I snapped my eyes open, my entire body tense. Kai stood on the other side of the coffee table, a soft smile on his lips. The fight left in a rush as Rain gave me one last squeeze, then let go.

I had to get out of there. Kai might not be the asshole I’d thought he was, but that didn’t mean I was ready to face the fact that Elissa had dumped me because she’d gotten sick of me. Everyone always got sick of me.

Loser. Stupid. Crazy. Digging my car keys out of my pocket, I raced to my car. You’re not worth it. My hands shook as I unlocked the door and slid inside. No one will ever put up with you. I gripped the steering wheel with one hand and started the car. No one will ever love you. Blinking back tears, I put the car in reverse and peeled out of the spot.

Yet I’d stood there, jealous of my six-year-old sister because she was hugging a guy who felt like mine.

Fun had told me he enjoyed animated porn, and after doing a bit of googling, I got the appeal.

Confused and more as a reflex than a conscious choice, I did. My eyes collided with a pair of wide, dark ones. The panic in them was unmistakable.

omg

“No,” Alex whispered, jumping up. His entire body was tight, his eyes flashing with what looked like terror.

How the fuck could I have been messaging with Alex and not known?

My secret, the one I hadn’t even told Fun about, was that I was a jealous, possessive bastard. When someone was mine, they were mine.

I still hadn't fully managed to merge their personas, but now I couldn’t think about Alex without that little voice whispering in the back of my mind. Mine. But he wasn’t mine. He’d never be mine.

“You’re okay, Alex,” I whispered, running my hand through his hair. “I’m here. You’re safe. It’s okay to let go.”

They skirted that line between twincest and dancing, and the ladies loved when they did routines together.

well then

I watched Heartstopper for the umpteenth time and played on my phone.

relatable

But Alex was different. I was in love with him and had been for a while. He was everything. The only person who’d ever broken through my defenses and made me want more. And with him, I didn’t just want more. I wanted everything.

Alex’s name caught my eye, and I opened the thread.

I stared at it. He looked good in my bed. Like he belonged. I saved the picture, then set it as my home screen.

After weeks of being silent, the little voice in my head was back. Worthless. Fuck, I needed to get out of here. Unwanted. I jumped up. Too much. Not bothering to lock my door, I raced out of the house. Exhausting. I took off down the sidewalk, heading away from school. Forever alone. I had no idea where the fuck I was going, but I needed to move. Maybe I could shut my brain up if I kept my body busy. Unlovable.

“Do you want to be mine?” I took a step closer. “Yes,” he whispered. “Do you want me to be yours?” His nostrils flared, and heat filled his eyes. “Yes.”

“For how long?” His voice was miserable. “How long before you get sick of my issues?” “Never.” “Liar.” “Nope. Not lying.” I kissed his hair.

“Open your mouth, princess.”

“I also have a toast I want to make. But I don’t know who to make it out to.” “I don’t get it.” “Well, I could toast Alex, my boyfriend. Or I could toast