Green Light

by Jescie Hall

The one who awakened me to a heaven I’d never known could exist, only to force me into the cages of my own nightmarish hell. The catalyst to my downfall.

For so long, she was the only thing I looked forward to when my eyes cracked open in the morning. The only thing that gave me some semblance of hope in a world of inconceivable pain. She kept me living—until she made me crave death.

I continuously hate myself for loving any version of her I’ve been given.

The things Montana does to my heart horrify me. She’ll have absolute control if given that power again, more so than any substance I’ve ever taken. I want to give her all my pain, all my anger, all my rage and pent-up aggression she’s missed out on. I want her to be reminded of the torture of losing her and what it did to me.

She’s never looked more mine.

“Bury me, Venom. Bury me so deep I can breathe again.”

This is the man I lost myself to. The one who loved with everything he had in him, hoped for the future of being together, yearned for the day I’d finally take away the memories of his past and replace them with the ones I’d always promised. This is the boy I fell for amidst my darkness. The one I’d always promised to come back to.

I’m still very much in love with the woman I’m meant to hate, and I don’t know if I can forgive myself for falling.

Meant it with every chipped remnant of the heart you owned.

This man...

All of my betrayals have served to ensure she’s mine because I’ve loved her in the darkest ways you can love someone—possession, infatuation, mania.

“Because Venom isn’t you. And this woman right here, the one beneath me, the one who drives me to the point of madness, the one that rules me in every sense of the word, who forgives me for the unforgivable, the one who allowed me to lose myself within her knowing I was lost to my demons, the one that selflessly came to protect me and my own at that house tonight, the one that learned to play the cello in a few years time to excel at a mission that’s entirely hers to own…that’s the one I feel everything for. The woman that’s right here.”

“You don’t play by the same rules as anyone I’ve ever met. You draw me in, sink your teeth into me, then take me out with your venom. I die, and you bury me beneath the earth, only to have me crawling back, craving more. I can’t explain it. I would never want to. But you know of your power over me. You’ve always known you possess me in the worst, most tragic way.”

My beautifully broken girl.

“You are the darkness that I want to wear proudly.”

“You gonna be a good boy for me?” I ask, rolling my hand up the soft, taut flesh. “The best boy.” He swallows. “I’ll be whatever you want as long as I’m yours.”

“For ensuring my doom and making me fall for the monster I created.”

“Take from me. Use me as your fuck toy. Make me yours, Montana.”

“Take it all back,” he whispers, “Your power. What they took from you. Take it back.”

I will never tire of this woman. She fascinates me, entices me, and sends a thrill through my bones.

“Whatever fractures of a heart I have left are yours, Montana,” I say,

“Everything hurt without you, Ven.”

“Crawl to me.”

“Don’t lose hope for us now that we’ve found it. It’s always us,” he confirms, his forehead furrowed as he rests his head against mine. “In any form.”