What I Was Doing While You Were Breeding

by Kristin Newman

“The more you give to a person, the more you end up loving them. If love is just a feeling, and that feeling changes, then what? Love has to be something you choose to build.”

Start with the fact that all Jews are supposed to be spending their lives bettering themselves, becoming as Godly as humanly possible. And then on top of that, men have to please their wives sexually. It’s an order from the greatest sages. It’s also best, mitzvah-wise, if they please their wives before they are pleased themselves. You also can’t speak evil about your mate. You have to treat each other with kindness, and you must get down there and float your lady’s boat, and you can’t bad-mouth each other, even to your friends over a nice glass of pinot. God forbids it.

“The deep feeling of oneness you have with someone when you’ve done all of the work on yourself you have to do to make a marriage work doesn’t take away your independence. It frees you to be the person you actually are. It wipes away all that nasty ego stuff, and lets your soul shine through.”

Israelis are some of the best in the world at living in the moment, and shrugging off possible disaster. Statistically they are also some of the happiest, which I believe is directly connected.

Interesting and witty and, mostly, calm were now at the top of the have-to-have list.

Her main message: Settle while you’re young enough to settle for pretty good. Kill me. And, please, someone help this woman have some fun.

The story you imagine is almost always better than the one with the clunky dialogue.

This is, of course, why we are a good match. I am on constant alert to impending disaster, and he is constantly certain that everything is going to be okay.

“All tenderness comes from your first pain.”

if you can somehow remember that all of life, and every relationship, is going to end, man, every moment becomes sweet.

love frees you to be the person you actually are.

So, finally, finally, I didn’t choose a bite of decadent dessert that leaves you hungry, and a little sick, and disappointed in yourself for the poor care you are taking of your body. I’ve finally chosen a healthy, delicious, three-course meal. But if there is one message I want to put out into the world with my little life story, it’s this: It’s also okay to sometimes have popcorn and red wine for dinner. It’s a harmless kind of naughty that can make a night alone on the couch a lot of fun.