Devil May Lie (The Devils of Vitality)

by Chani Lynn Feener

“I’m a monster. Monsters don’t get the guy at the end of the story. Monsters either end up slain or banished.” He tipped his head. “Do you...

“It’d be better,” he said. “Better than being banished. I’d rather he take his revenge that way than by abandoning me.” At least dead, he wouldn’t have to deal with his torture.

He pressed against the center of his chest. “It hurts here. Isn’t it funny? I’ve always liked pain before. But right now, it’s like I can’t breathe.”

If he could go back in time and change things, he wouldn’t. Because all of those choices had led him to Madden. “Even if he kills me,” Berga told them, “it’d have been worth it.”

Madden groaned and blinked open his eyes, suspicion marring his expression when they all rushed toward his bedside. He searched their faces, his look not lingering on Berga any longer than it did on the others. Which was the first sign something was wrong.

“No offense, but your faces are definitely not the ones I expected to find by my hospital bed.” Right, because in his mind, he had very little to do with them, and absolutely nothing to do with Berga. If his last memory was from that night at the Docks…

He’d forgotten about Berga. “Ah,” he murmured, that pain in his chest twisting until it was almost unbearable and his vision became blurry. “It’s banishment after all.”

He’d been erased from Madden’s memory. Banished from his mind. Robotically, Berga turned on his heel and bowed to Baikal before he spun and headed for the door.

Almost as though even the ghost had had enough and finally left him. In the end, it seemed Berga was simply meant to be abandoned. How cruel. How…deserving.

She’d gone on and on about how much they cared for one another and how important to Berga Madden was. It’d all pretty much gone in one ear and out the other. Frankly, Madden didn’t believe her.

And seeing as how he hadn’t seen or heard from the Butcher since that day he’d woken up surrounded by Satellite in the hospital, it was safe to assume he didn’t believe it either. So why bother? He didn’t want revenge. He didn’t want anything.

“What?” he blinked at him, shocked. “You serious?” “Why not?” Madden scowled at the bike. “I hate that color. I don’t know what I was thinking when I chose it. Momentary lapse in judgement, I guess.” “Yes,” Kelevra chuckled. “Let’s call it that for now.”

“No,” he grinned. “I was only making a point. I’m not sure what gave you all the impression that he and I were serious, but clearly, you were mistaken. So, no, I don’t care if he’s been skipping school. I’ve got my own problems to deal with. Like that fucking ugly hoverbike I’m now stuck with. Do either of you want it?”

No matter what anyone else said to him about the two of them, he was going to trust the actions of the Butcher more. And Berga’s actions? They told him everything he needed to know.

Damn Butcher. This was all his fault. If Madden hadn’t been there that day, none of this would have happened.

There was a single strand of pale hair on the counter and he pinched it between his fingers, holding it up to the light with a glower. It was pastel green. The same shade as that ugly new bike. Madden flushed it down the toilet.

Truthfully, it was hard for Berga to hold onto any feelings at all as of late. They were too fleeting. Too ephemeral. The second he thought he had a handle on something, he’d blink and it would be gone. That sort of applied to everything now, not just emotions. Like his studies.

Until the Mad King walked right past him. Without so much as a single glance in his direction. Berga deflated.

So, that’s who Madden had come to see. Of course. Berga was a fool for hoping, even if it’d only been for that split second.

Madden’s memories hadn’t been recovered and there was a very good chance they never would. Which was fine. Better even.

At least this way, they could just slip into nonexistence. Make it as though nothing had ever even happened. Erase it from reality, the same way Madde...

“Madden,” he reiterated, “is out there living his life like nothing ever happened. He’s flourishing while you’re here doing…” he motioned at him with disgust, “this.” “Do I disgust you, Dominus?” Berga supposed it was only a matter of time, really. “The way you’re acting disgusts me, not—”

“Then you need to make a decision, quick. Either forget about him, or quit your position as the Butcher.” “All right.” Baikal blew out a breath. “Good. I’m glad—” “I quit.”

“Thank you for taking a chance on me. I apologize for letting you down.” “Stop,” Baikal ordered when he went to leave. “Yeah, stop him, he—” Flix began, only to be cut off. “Is it that you can’t forget him,” Baikal asked. “Or that you won’t?”

“It’s not that simple.” “Nothing worth it ever is,” he replied. “Berga, are you really willing to lose everything?” “Go.” Flix pushed him lightly toward the door, determination brewing in his eyes. “Go find him and fix this.”

Tonight, he would put an end to it all. No more disappointments. No more disgust. Baikal had asked if he was willing to lose everything, but that was because he didn’t know the truth. Berga already had.

Advantage. He’d taken advantage of all the memories he had of this place and the man who resided here. And he was about to do it again. Shamelessly. It was too late to turn back now. The trap had been set, and—

“Like what?” “Like you hated me.” Berga swallowed the lump in his throat. “Like I disgusted you.” “When did I look at you like that?”

I took Impression on purpose while Great and Muse were cleaning up Eric’s dead body, then I slipped one into your drink and made it seem like I was settling. I wasn’t. It was always you, Madden. You were always the one I wanted, even when I didn’t understand the gravity of that want myself.”

“No,” he shook his head. “No. You not giving up on me was the best thing that’s ever happened. I’m grateful for the time we got to spend together, even if it was cut shorter than I would have liked. Even if,” he searched those dark eyes but couldn’t decipher what Madden was feeling, “you can’t remember any of it. I never meant to mislead you. I thought I would get in, get out, and we would both go our separate ways. When that didn’t happen…I should have told you myself, but I didn’t.”

He turned the blaster and then situated it into one of Madden’s hands, lifting it up and leaning in. The second he felt the cold metal against his forehead, he sighed, the first relieved sound he’d made in weeks.

“What the hell are you playing at?” Madden growled. “It’s not a game,” Berga said. “An experiment then?” “Not that either.” He met Madden’s confused gaze. “It’s not an experiment. It never was. Not between us.”

This was the best way to handle everything, all at once, with one trigger pull. No one would have to worry about him making mistakes at school or the Bunker, and Berga would no longer have to go on feeling like this empty, useless...

Determined to make the Butcher crawl back to him. After the stunt he’d pulled, Madden was being downright merciful by only setting him up. Yet this was how he repaid him? A blaster to the head? A death wish?

“Like what?” “Like emotions. Wants. Needs. I thought I was fascinated by your hair and your eyes and that was it. But I was wrong. I had you once and I wanted more.”

“I was afraid you’d eventually see me for what I am and leave,” he confessed, and it so obviously pained him to do so, Madden almost took pity on him after all. Almost. “I’m a monster,” Berga continued. “I’m disgusting. I’m—”

“I figured if I told you what happened, you’d be upset enough to do it. You couldn’t remember you ever cared for me anyway. I was nothing to you.” “Listen closely, baby.”

“You’ve never, not once, meant nothing to me.” Even when they’d hardly known one another, Madden had respected him. Sure, maybe he hadn’t wanted to sleep with him or own him then, but that didn’t mean he’d ever thought lightly of the Butcher.

“As if that wasn’t bad enough, the next time I see him, my boyfriend is wielding a gun trying to get me to murder him. You’ve lost people, Berga. How did that feel? You remember?” “Awful.” Something seemed to shift and click into place for him. Madden could sense it in the way he tensed. “Dying was the only way.”

“I couldn’t live without you,” Berga said, his words causing Madden to fumble and still. “What?”

“I’d rather die,” he turned his head on the floor so he could meet his gaze over his shoulder, face covered in tear tracks, “than live in a world where you were disgusted by me.”

“I have never once been disgusted by you,” he promised, holding Berga’s watery gaze. “Never.” “That’s not true. The way you looked at me before the explosion—” “I wasn’t disgusted,” he insisted. “I was hurt and angry, yes, and I said some things in the heat of the moment I now regret, but whatever you say, you misinterpreted it. It wasn’t disgust.”

“Yeah. In my defense, I thought you’d rage and insist we find a way to get my memories back. But you left, and then you never returned for me. The longer you stayed away, the more annoyed with you I became. I was determined to make you come to me first. Why didn’t you?” “I thought I was doing the right thing,” he said. “I thought letting you live the way you had before was what was best for you.”

“You were wrong.” “Was I?” “Absolutely.” Madden eased his hold on his waist and rested his head back against the bed. “Kiss me.”

Things had only ever been like this with Berga, all-consuming and electric. Real and raw and meaningful.

“Everything in my life before you was monotonous,” he said, separating their mouths just enough to get the words out. “It was easy being carefree because there was very little I cared about. When I overheard you talking with Sila, I was terrified you meant it. That you were planning on leaving me.”

That’s what I meant. I want you.” He brought his bound wrists over Madden’s head, holding onto him. “I want you forever.”

“Tell me you’re mine,” Madden ordered. “I’m yours.” “Tell me you love me.” “I—” Berga’s cheeks flushed. “I love you.” “I love you, too.”

“Yeah,” Madden confirmed, wrapping his fingers around Berga’s dick. “And that. I love when you’re dirty, baby.” “Only for you.” “Promise?”

“Only you, Mad King. You’re the only thing I need haunting me. Past, present, and future.” They both came together, reality popping and crackling into oblivion until there were only the two of them left in the entire universe. The Mad King and his Mad Scientist.