Ash

by D.J. Krimmer

“I would rather lick the mattress in a pay-by...

“I don’t like that I’m Dash to you,”

“Dash. I know you call me that because of our night. Because I… finished.”

“I call you that because you ‘dashed,’ not because of the sex.”

“Watch the storm, sunshine. Feel the rain and the thunder while I give you your release.”

I just had sex with Ash. I just had feral, primal, outdoor thunderstorm sex with Ash. I came so hard my legs were trembling. I’m not a trembling orgasm girl. Or I didn’t think I was. But apparently, when having the best sex of my life, I definitely am.

“Are you having fun playing boyfriend, charming?” I ask softly, and I feel his soft chuckle against my flesh. “Sweetheart, you have no idea how much I’m enjoying this.”

“One more word,” I growl out. “Sunday, it’s not worth it,” Ash whispers and gently pulls my hand to get me to leave with him, but I ignore it. By saying that, he’s saying he’s not worth it. And I’m not standing for that.

“You didn’t have to do that, sunshine. That was way more than what a fake girlfriend should have to do.”

“You’ve never had a real girlfriend if you think that me standing up for you isn’t in the job description,”

“Oh, no.” He grins. “I’ve been doing everything to hear that laugh through our walls at night. You ain’t muffling it here, too.”

“You want me to put a barrier up?”

“You fucked me in a thunderstorm on the balcony earlier today,”

“I’m kind of past the s...

The realization that I do trust him catches me by surprise, the walls around my heart slowly crumbling in his presence. He has somehow managed to find a way through my defenses; if I'm honest, I’m okay with it. I almost want to welcome it.

“I… I think I like you.”

You have got to be kidding me. I smack his chest, “Relax, charming, as a friend,” I lie,

“I just never thought we would get past what we were before, and it’s nice.” He relaxes almost

instantly, and god, please, just kill me now. He smiles softly and nods, “I’m hap...

“My beautiful boy, there’s nothing more important or treasured in a mother’s world than their children. If she's letting you get close to that portion of her world, then she’s already decided where you fit into her life.”

Actually, sticking my face between her strong legs and wearing those toned thighs as earmuffs while I make her scream with my mouth had been a thought, but I need it not to be a thought anymore because I will very quickly make the thought a reality.

“Talk to me, sunshine,” I purr while rubbing a circle around her clit. “Tell me what you want.” “You,”

“God, this fucking ass,” I growl, leaning down and biting her ass cheek while slapping the other. Sunday cries out while pushing back against me, and I have to bite back a moan. “Fuuuck, you naughty little thing,”

“Ash,” her voice is soft and tentative, “What if–” “Sunshine,” I stop her. I can’t let her continue. I can’t let her think this can be something more. It doesn’t matter how I feel about her or how I feel about Wade. In fact, that’s exactly why this can’t happen. I’ll fuck it up, and I can’t hurt them.

“Sweetheart, I can’t be anything… This can’t be–” She stills before backing away and standing from the bed. She stares at me and, for a moment, I think she’s going to say that’s fine, that she wants a casual thing, but she doesn’t. Instead, her eyes become guarded, and she steps back further.

“I knew what I was getting with Ash Johnson when I signed up for this.”

“And what is that?”

“A fuck and a goodbye. Guess I should just be honored you haven’t asked me to move out of the room yet, and I got a second round.”

My mother’s words repeat over and over in my head, further reminding me that all I seem to do when a woman cares is fuck up.

Ash doesn’t want anything long-term, and I don’t have time to tie my feelings up in a fling.

“Fuck.” I slide to my knees in front of her and check her vitals. “Oh my god, baby,” I choke, looking at her bloodied and bruised body.

“I’m not helping you commit a murder,” I state to the boy. “I’ll take care of it myself,” I mutter as Sunday’s hand grips mine.

“Can you stay with us tonight?”

“Uh, sure, bud,”

“You don’t have to,” Sunday states nervously. “We’ll be fine, and I don’t want to disrupt your plans.”

“The only plans I have are to spend the night with you two, so hush it,”

“My baby boy just took a bat to a man after walking in on me being beaten to death. I don’t have it in me to stand straight. I will break, and I can’t.”

“Sweetheart,”

“You don’t have to be this way. You don’t have to stand ...

“Of course...

“I can’t trust you enough to be weak around you, charming. And I won’t allow my son to think ...

“Stop that,” she scolds and shoves me back onto the bed. “You shouldn’t have to wear a mask in front of people when you’re having a panic attack, and you definitely shouldn’t feel like just because you’re a man, you have to suck it up or some shit.”

Never once did she laugh or make me feel bad for having an attack.

“And Sunday? For what it’s worth, you’re the only girl I’ve been with that I’ve tattooed.” I feel a blush heating up my face.

“I’ll take you as an asshole as long as I get you.”

“Is everything alright?” No. Everything isn’t alright. Everything is shit. And the only thing I want is for Ash to like me.

Once I’m back in my apartment, I stare down at the bag as I set it on the counter. It’s just a clear sandwich bag tied with a red piece of yarn.

“You know, sunshine, I kind of feel like this is destiny. Like the red string of fate.”

I ask for probably the hundredth time in the last two hours. Sunday’s having her surgery today, and no one is keeping me in the loop because according to my sister: “You didn’t want to be her boyfriend, so you don’t get to ask boyfriend things.”

“Ash, while I agree that he needs to stay away, you aren’t her boyfriend, and you’re not Wade’s father. You wanted to be nothing more than her friend and neighbor. You don’t get to meddle.” “This isn’t meddling; this is protecting them,” I growl, walking back to the door. “That’s not your job.”