Ash

by D.J. Krimmer

“I find out that stupid cunt is around here, and you’re helping her. I’ll beat that pretty face of yours into existence.” “I think the correct term is non-existence, bud. Clearly, I’m standing here, existing.”

“So, I’m driving home, and I see this hot as fuck dime piece running down the street. At, I shit you not, she’s got a chicken tucked under her fucking arm!”

“Ohhhhh HUBBBBY!” Looking up, I see Atlas hanging over the railing at the top of the stairs. “I need my morning words of validation if I’m going to be of any use to anyone.”

“At.” I can’t be sure my voice is audible over this god-awful music. And since when did I find this music terrible? Why am I not on the dance floor right now with a pair of best friends wanting to make me a sandwich? “Do you believe your dick only has so many fucks in it? Like, your heart has an expiration date; maybe he does too.” At curls his lips before looking down at his crotch.

I don’t settle down, I don’t date. I fuck and move on. What’s their names? Who fucking cares. All I need to know is if they are legal, consenting, and clean. Nothing else matters.

“You take. On me. Eat! Grow some ass!” I snort at the old woman before I peek in the bag.

“You are foul. This right here,” I say, motioning to her sprawled out with cheese-dust-covered toes. “This is why you’ll never get a man.” “Negative, bro; that’s because my giant brother won’t let anything with a penis within twelve feet of me.”

“Are you okay?” “No, I have an overgrown man-whore standing in my office, wasting my time. Now, what do you want?”

“Jesus,” I whisper as her round ass has its main character moment in her dark grey leggings.

“The legend is there’s this invisible red thread that connects one person to the other person they’re supposed to meet, like our soulmates. The string’s supposed to symbolize that no matter how far apart we are, we’ll always find each other.”

Fox: Oh no… that’s his apartment building. I am SO sorry Sunday. I must’ve forgotten. The mind starts slipping after 40, you know. Me: I have done nothing to you to deserve this. Fox: Luca

Me: This isn’t over, Simmons. Fox: Yeah, yeah, I live with Torch. Your threats don’t scare me.

Me: Are you two just without a bedroom now? What is it with y’all and the outdoor fucking? Janie: Winston looks at me weirdly after the act. I’ve even tried putting him in his room with the TV on, and he still knows what’s happening.

Me: You fuck in public so that your CAT won’t know you’re fucking? Janie: Noooo, so my SON doesn’t witness his father attacking his mother, or hear it and mistake our cries of ecstasy as distress. I can’t be quiet. Fox is massive in EVERY sense of the word.

“You and Derek need to stop this pissing match you’re having,” he warns, and I roll my eyes. “Sorry, Dad.” “Hey!” Atlas snaps. “It’s Papa Fox, fucker.”

“Derek doesn’t date. Leave him alone, or I'll take a cheese grater to your nuts.”

“I already tried woo-ing. The woman is un-woo-able.”

“Oh my god.” I roughly rub my face with my hands in frustration. “I’ve apologized! What do you want from me?” Dropping to my knees, I look up at her, arms spread wide. “Sunday Sutton, I am nothing but a pathetic worm groveling at your feet. Please, sunshine, spare me from the weight of your shapely leg as it threatens to crush my existence into oblivion. I beg of you, show mercy on this lowly creature who's unworthy of your attention.”

“Sunshine, look at me. I'm on my knees, begging for your forgiveness. Is this what you want? Can't you see the pain in my eyes? Hear the desperation in my voice? I've apologized a thousand times and I'll do it again if it means you'll forgive me. Mia sole, mi dispiace tanto, I am so fucking–” “Would you shut up!” She hisses through her laughter. She doesn’t want to find me funny, that’s obvious. But she’s having a hell of a time not snickering. “Really, charming? A worm? And you pulled out Italian?” “I’m a desperate man, sunshine. You have no idea how far I'll go when I feel it’s necessary.”

“Luca,” I whine while hanging upside down. “I love you, and I love that you're willing, but how’s it going to look if you're living with a woman, her kid, and a chicken?” “I say let them talk,” he shrugs nonchalantly. “This is California, babe; if you can’t have a pet chicken here, you can’t have one anywhere.”

At first, I thought I was dreaming. There’s no way in fuck that Sunday Sutton would be masturbating, especially not to me. But when she came, and it was my name, she cried out. I nearly blew a load right then and there. It was too much, and now, that’s all I can think about.

I hand the night nurses coffee and donuts before one of them points to Sunday’s room. I’m very familiar with who really runs the hospital. You can get pretty much anything if you are in the nurses’ good graces.

“Did he?” I manage between my clenched teeth. “Just once. I didn’t think he had it in him, honestly.” I’m up instantly and heading toward the door. “W-where are you going?” she asks nervously. “I’ll be back. I just need to go and beat that fucker with a bat until he stops breathing.” I watch her face soften.

“I do miss it sometimes, and I was good, but… Janie, I just don’t think it’s something I want to do forever, and I don’t deal well with working for men.” “What men?” Janie asks, and we all burst out laughing. “Janie!” I snort as I sip my beer. “How about the four massive apes you’re constantly wrangling?” Janie taps her beer to her mouth in thought. “Yeah, I gotta ask again, what men? Those are four giant babies.”

“It’s like women with disabilities support group.” I snicker, and Janie laughs heartily. “Yeah, but we don’t call them disabilities. More like extra spices.”

“Get Alice off,” I whine, shoving the bird again, only to have her hiss at me. “I will deep fry and eat you, bitch.”

“Night, Wade. Have a good evening, sunshine.” I smile weakly, “You too, charming.” The door closes behind Ash, and Wade gags. “You too, charming,” he mocks and makes a kissy face. “I will end you,” I warn as I throw a pillow at him.

“Eyes on me, sunshine.”

I didn’t tap on your wall to embarrass you.” My eyes meet his, and I see the sincerity in them. “Then why did you?” “Because I missed you and wanted you to know I’m here. You know, in case you ever miss me.”

“Who has an ass?” Janie asks as she and Fox walk in. “No one!” I yell. “Derek.” Indy beams, no shame whatsoever. “Oh, I know, right?” Janie gushes as she hands Indy a coffee. “That man can fill out a pair of jeans.” Fox clears his throat. “I am right fucking here.” Janie whips her head around and looks up at her fiancé. “You’re right. Fox, do you have an opinion on Derek’s ass and his ability to fill out a pair of jeans?” Janie blinks, waiting for his response. “Why are you the way you are?” he growls, causing Janie to giggle and turn her attention back to Indy.

“What’s wrong, puddin’?” Atlas’ voice coos in my ear. I groan, not in the mood for his shit today. “My sister told my mom Sunday is my girlfriend, so I’m expected to bring her to the wedding. And I’m pretty sure Indy wants to have sex with Derek.” Atlas squeezes me tighter and kisses my cheek. “Want to take me instead? We can make them all jealous of our love.” I snort and shove him off me. “Get away, you weirdo.”

“Woah,” I hold my hands up. “I don’t know what’s happening, but I do not consent.” Fox throws his shirt at my face. “At is tattooing me, you dumbass. But, if you would like to discuss whatever that show you two just put on was, we can definitely do that.” “It’s love, Fox. A deep, mystical love that you could never understand.” Atlas looks the bearded man up and down and gives him a wink. “Unless you wanna understand.”

“Hey,” I give her a suggestive smirk. “My mouth is available to you, any time.” I wink and laugh.

How did this become my preferred evening? I deleted a horny woman to sit in my bed alone, watching an alien documentary.

“I do not snore.” He snorts a laugh as he scratches the back of his head. “Sweetheart, either you snore, or a construction crew got ahold of your phone at about two this morning and started jackhammering near it.”

“Then why not hang up the phone, you idiot?” I raise a brow. Ash steps closer, backing me against the wall before propping his arm over my head and looking down at me. I pray he can’t hear the rapid pounding of my heart. “Because,” he says, just above a whisper, “Then I couldn’t say I spent the night with you.”

“Charming,” I purr flirtatiously. “Am I swooning you?” He lets out a nervous puff of air. “There’s a distinct possibility that my knees are a little weak.”

“Sunday,” he breathes as his hand gently wraps around my wrist. “It wasn’t your fault,” I manage to get out through the growing lump in my throat. “Don’t ever think that there was, or is, something wrong with you, Ash.” His hand falls from my wrist to his side as he stares at me in shock. I watch his emotions raging across his face. In an instant, I’m pressed against the side of his car, and his hand grips the side of my jaw. I see the struggle, the war waging in his eyes. “Fuck it,” he growls as his lips capture mine and—oh fuck.

It was more than just a kiss. She consumed me in a way I’ve only felt once before, and it was by her then, too. She awakens something in me that both exhilarates and terrifies me.

I’m exhausted. Beyond exhausted. I haven’t slept since the night before the documentary. Last night, I was up watching Sunday sleep. She asked me not to leave her. Apparently, that was not the real Sunday, because when the real Sunday came to this morning, she started screaming at me for daring to stay in her house all night.

God, her lips are so fucking soft, and fuck me; if she bites my lip like that one more time, my cock is going to punch through my jeans.

“Would you feel better if I pee too? Because I’ll do it right now, just for you.”

“I am equal parts terrified and turned on by your nerdiness.”

“Well, look at you,” I say dryly and roll my eyes. “Out here, dampening panties with your sensual words. Are you trying to seduce me, Ash Johnson?” He cocks a brow, and I watch as he suggestively crawls back onto the bed. Shit, abort mission. “Sunshine, do you want me to dampen your panties?” he asks. His voice is so thick and husky that it’s doing me unfair things. “Because I aim to please, sweetheart.”

“Oh, are you going to start taking care of my finances, charming? You wanna be my sugar daddy?

“Do you want me to be your sugar daddy? Because I’ll do it if it means I won’t have to miss your face as much as I’m going to.”

Maybe that’s why I like Ash; he never tries to be the dominant one. We’ve always just been equal. It’s refreshing.

I’m completely fine with not breathing if it means Ash will kiss me.

“Enough,” I snap, pulling her face back to look at me. “Look me in the eye, beautiful.” I hear her breath hitch, but she does what I say. “You're done being strong for the rest of this trip, you hear me? I’m in charge and until we hit those apartment doors, I’m your boyfriend right now. You don’t have to be strong anymore. That’s my job.”

“There,” I state firmly. “Now we’re even. Actually, you got to see both my nipples. I only saw one of yours. But you can have lefty as a freebie.”