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Don’t silence me like that, he signs furiously. Don’t ever fucking silence me, Olivia.
You think you can get me on my knees then tell me what to do in my life?”
Because I can’t talk? Because I can’t tell you how fucking breathtaking you are every second of every day? Because I can’t breathe without being near you? Someone like me… I’m different—I can’t be normal for you. I can’t defend you without using my fists or my bat, and I can’t touch you at the same time as telling you that you’re everything to me. I can’t whisper sweet nothings into your mouth and I can’t fucking marry you because not only am I your brother, but I’m defective.
Believe me or don’t, but you’re the only person in my life, and you always have been.
Your daughter tastes fucking delicious, he signs. Too bad she’s all mine.
Sorry’s just a word to try to get out of something, to dodge trouble if you’ve been caught out. Sorry’s a five-letter disgrace that shouldn’t even need to be used.
He interrupted my meal—maybe now he’ll know better than to take away my food, the fucking asshole.
My girl never needs to worry about anyone hurting her, because her wonderful, ex-con, apparently psychotic brother is free and keeping her out of harm’s way.
Can she fuck off? She’s ruining my plan.
She’s annoying me at the same time as making me nervous.
Why act like you hate me when you miss me?
“It was r-r-real. All o-of it was r-real. Everyth-thing was real. You mean th-the world t-t-to me. But you won’t s-s-say it back, w-will you?”
My version of love isn’t enough for her—I love her, I do, but how am I supposed to know what’s normal and what’s not? My world revolves around her and always has. And if that’s not a good-enough version of love for her, and I can’t make her happy, then what’s the point?
Please choose me. Nobody ever chooses me.
I think I might be crying for the first time in my life.
I drop to my knees and grab her hands. “Olivia,” I whisper clearly. “Please don’t leave me. Please stay with me.”
“Please,” I beg. “Accept my v-version of love. Pl-ease. I love you, Ol-l-l—”
The only one who ever protected me was Malachi.”
I turned my back on him when he was vulnerable. I’ve been living in a nightmare ever since.”
“I should have chosen you.”
Of every mistake I’ve made in my life, not choosing Malachi has been my worst.
“You’re mine, Malachi. You’re mine and I’m yours and I love you more than words can explain.
I’ve never been afraid of dying—it’s inevitable. But the thought of dying and leaving Olivia behind? Of leaving her with all the poisonous toxicity in the world? That terrifies me.
loving me the way I always wanted to be loved.
“I love you, I love you, I love you. I’m so sorry I wasn’t strong enough, but I am now. Please forgive me.”
All I could do was hide under my bed with my pet spider, who never wanted to talk back to me.
Every day and night, we would hide under my bed. He was my best friend. But he never ever spoke, so why would I? He was happy without using his voice. I could be happy as well. He was my comforter. My protector. If he could conceal his voice and be brave enough to hide under my bed and not cry, then I could too.
“Tell me what you want in life.” I change the subject and lower my head, kissing the tip of her nose. “Tell me, so I can give it to you.”
“What if they’re just like me?” Her brow furrows. “There’s nothing wrong with you.”
“I love everything about you. I never want you to change.”
It might be a little black, a little jagged around the edges, and my mind might be a little wild, but she owns them.
I got her back. She chose me. Olivia actually chose me, and I intend to keep her.
