False Start (Red Zone Rivals, #5)

by Kandi Steiner

“I’m fine.” “Who hurt you?” “I’m not hurt.” “Who,” I repeated, slower this time, the strain evident in my voice as I tried to keep my cool. “Did this?”

“Any time you need me, I’ll be there.” “What about football?” “We have a while until camp. Right now, it’s technically off-season. So, like I said,” I repeated, inching toward her with my eyes locked on hers. “Call me, and I’ll be there.”

we could make them believe it’s real.” She flattened her lips like she still didn’t believe me. But I couldn’t say more than that. I wasn’t ready to admit to her that, regardless of what she’d put me through, I’d always have love for her. I’d always want to make sure she was safe. I didn’t much care what I got out of this deal. I only cared that she would be okay — and I’d be there to ensure that.

“Trust me — my friends aren’t like that. You could show up in a trash bag and they’d love you for it.” “You calling me trash, Robbins?” “If you’re trash, then I’m a dumpster diver.” She paused, frowned, and then laughed so hard she bent at the waist.

“Go get a dress. Get shoes, too. Get a bag, get your hair done, whatever you want.” Madelyn tongued her cheek. “I’m not taking your fucking credit card.” “Fine, then let me take you shopping.” Again, she let out an incredulous laugh that told me she thought I was acting insane. And maybe I was. If anyone in this world could make me crazy, it was this girl.

The next day, I sat in my car with a bag full of rocks in my lap, but they might as well have been in my stomach. I was about to meet Sebastian for the first time. When Madelyn and I had made this plan, I’d peppered her with questions about her son. I wanted to know everything — what he liked, what he didn’t like, anything I could find out to get to know him a little before we actually met. For reasons I couldn’t articulate, it mattered to me that his first impression of me was a good one.

She was a mom. I couldn’t explain why that made my next swallow harder to take, or why my chest fired up with the need to protect them both.

“You’re a real jerk for doing that, you know.” “Well, I need a date to this wedding.” “More like you need to insert yourself into a situation you should just leave alone.” “Shut up and let me take care of you.”

And then he laughed, and my stomach hollowed out again. His laugh reminded me so much of the way Madelyn used to laugh, it was like going back in time.

“He looks like you,” I added. “Laughs like you, too.” “Poor kid,” she joked, shaking her head. “That laugh got me made fun of a lot in middle school.” “Well, by high school, I assure you — there was nothing to make fun of.” She cocked a brow, and I shrugged. “It was one of my favorite sounds. I loved how you’d hold it back until you had no choice but to let it free, like you’d try to be annoyed by me but then I’d somehow win.” Madelyn rolled her eyes. “I was mostly laughing at you, not because you said something funny.” “Didn’t matter, not when I got what I wanted. That laugh… all smoky and sexy without you even trying.” “Oh, my God, Kyle,” she said, covering her face with her hands. “Stop. You’re so stupid.” “I’m serious. Used to be my goal, to get that laugh out of you at least once a day.”

“The only reason I’m letting you live is because I care enough about that woman to do what she asks me to,” he said, and when his finger pointed right at me, I felt it like a bolt of lightning to the heart. “But slip up even one time,” he continued, shaking his head as a damn near evil smile spread on his stupidly handsome face. “And I will risk it all. Understand? I will risk it all.” It was a subtle threat, but a poignant one. Those words said he would protect me, even if it meant risking me being upset with him. It said he would risk his career, risk jail time… Risk it all.

“What did you say to him?” Kyle shrugged. “I just made it clear that I’m not going anywhere, and that if he wants to live, he’ll learn to keep his hands to himself when it comes to you.” My heart skipped a beat. God, why did hearing him say that turn my insides to goop?

“Take a nap. Take a shower, or hell, a bath — did you see that tub in there?” He grinned. “Drink your tea, enjoy some peace and quiet, and then you can face my crazy friends for a night.” He laughed with the joke, but I couldn’t even smile in response. My chest felt like it was going to explode. He was taking care of me. He was giving me something I hadn’t had in years — alone time, without pressure to take care of Sebastian or the house or work. My eyes pricked again, and this time I couldn’t blink, because I knew if I did, I’d set the tears free. Kyle leaned down, and with my breath still held captive in my throat, he pressed a kiss to my forehead. We both stilled. He froze like he didn’t actually mean to do that, but like he couldn’t help it. I kept still so my tears wouldn’t stream down my face. Kyle stood and cleared his throat. “See you in a bit,” he said, and then he rushed out the door like he was late. As soon as he was gone, I closed my eyes, two parallel rivers of tears staining my cheeks.

I’m going to get some ice.” “Ice?” “Yeah,” he said, pulling the door open before looking back at me. “For your water.” He left before my jaw popped open, and I stood there gaping at the closed door for a full minute before I dragged myself into the bathroom and ran the shower as hot as it would go. He remembered that? When we were younger, when he’d sneak over to my house in the middle of the night to sleep on my floor instead of in his home, he would see me in my rawest form. I usually had on panties and a tank top and nothing else. Sometimes I would be wearing a face mask, sometimes I’d be rubbing lotion on my legs, sometimes I’d be jumping on my bed — a nightly routine I used to do to shake off some energy. And I always had a tall glass of water on my bedside table, with as much ice crammed into that glass as I could manage.

“You don’t have to do this alone. Not anymore. Not ever again. You’re mine, Mads. You always have been. I lost you then, but I refuse to lose you now. Whatever you need, I’ll give it to you. Whatever we have to do, we’ll do it — together. No more letting anyone or anything get between us, you hear me?” She nodded, her arms wrapping around my neck. “From this moment on, it’s you, and me, and Sebastian. Okay? We will figure it out. We will find a way. But I’ll be fucking damned if I ever let you go again. I’ll lay down my life before I let you walk alone. I’ll walk away from everything else if I have to — Seattle, the team, football, my family — but never you. Do you understand me? Never, ever you, Mads.”

He consumed me, every part of me, and I never wanted to live outside of him again.

She was all I could feel, all I could hear, all I could see. She was all that existed.

You take care of everyone else. Let me take care of you. Those were the words he’d said to me when I tried to argue that it was my turn to cook dinner last week, and they’d been circling around my head like love-drunk birds ever since.

“But even when she hurt me, even when I thought she’d betrayed me, there was still this part of my heart reserved for her. Hell, maybe it was my entire heart. I never could open up to another woman. I never could let anyone in the way I did with her.” “Relatable,” Leo murmured, and Mary squeezed his arm with a soft smile. “When I saw her again earlier this summer… I hated her. At least, I wanted to — but the truth was that as soon as it happened, I was already planning how I could see her again, how I could talk to her, how I could get her to tell me what happened all those years ago.” I tongued my cheek. “I am and always have been hers. And being with her again, fighting through what we’ve had to, surviving what we did… there’s no one in this world I could ever want more than her. There’s no one who could ever make sense. She’s it for me. Period. End of story. She is… everything.” Giana sniffled, dabbing at the corner of her eyes. “So much better than I love her.”

There were no words to explain how safe I felt with him, how whole.

“I love you, Mads,” he breathed, and when his jaw flexed with those words, when emotion made him swallow — it nearly broke me. “God, I love you fiercely. I love you in a way that would kill me if I wasn’t allowed to act out this love every day of my life. I love your passion and your heart. I love your fight. I love your determination. I loved you as a friend, as my first love, as my first… everything. And I love you even more now, as a mom, as a woman who has worn the weight of the world on her shoulders.” He shook his head, kissing my knuckles. “But I don’t want you to shoulder that weight alone, anymore. I want to bear it with you. I want your mornings, and your afternoons, and every single night. I want to wake up to your morning breath and fall asleep to the sound of your snores.” I laughed, swatting at his hand. “I brought you here because I saw the way you lit up when we toured this house, and I’d be willing to bet my life that it was because you saw what I saw.” He swallowed. “You saw us. You saw our things in this home, saw us playing with Sebastian here, saw us growing old together. I felt it just as much as you did — and it’s what I want. You are what I want.”

“What you did today, what you do for this family every day…” He shook his head. “You’re amazing. And I love you. And I’m so thankful for you, I want to write a fucking poem or something.”

And when I took the first step toward him, he choked on the sob I knew he was trying so hard to hold back, his eyes flooding so fast, he couldn’t hide the tears that slid down his cheeks. I couldn’t help but smile even more at him, and he shook his head like he couldn’t believe how fast he’d turned to goop. But he didn’t hide his tears. He didn’t hang his head or swipe them away. Instead, he held his chin high, kept his eyes on mine, and savored every step I took with his bottom lip wobbling.

There is nothing in this world I love to discover more than you. Every day I spend by your side, I peel back another layer. I find something new to love. I find something new to cherish in the woman I never deserved, but will spend the rest of my life trying to be worthy of.”