It Ends with Us (It Ends with Us, #1)

by Colleen Hoover

“Lily,” he says pointedly. “There is no such thing as bad people. We’re all just people who sometimes do bad things.”

That's kind of stupid but sure

He pulls his hands up behind his head and looks me straight in the eye. “I want to fuck you.”

Excuse me????

He snaps a picture of me lying in the lounge chair, my arms relaxed above my head. I have no idea what he plans to do with that picture, but I like that he took it.

You do???? Ma'am.

How does a guy who is obviously humble, well-mannered, and uses words like disparaging end up homeless? How does any teenager end up homeless? I need to find out, Ellen. I’m going to find out what happened to him. You just wait and see.

He half-turns, heading for the hallway, but then suddenly drops to his knees in front of me. He wraps his arms around my waist. “Please, Lily,” he says through self-deprecating laughter. “Please have sex with me.” He’s looking up at me with puppy dog eyes and a pathetic, hopeful grin. “I want you so, so bad and I swear, once you have sex with me you’ll never hear from me again. I promise.”

What the fuck

“Oh, I want you, Lily. Make no mistake about that. I just don’t want to want you.”

And I want to smack you

He twisted his arm around so I could see that it was on the other side, too. “I used to fall a lot, too, Lily.” Then he pulled his shirtsleeve down and didn’t say anything else.

“It’s not this country’s fault my mother doesn’t give a shit about me.”

I’ll never be like that. I swear to you, when I grow up, I’m going to do everything I can to help other people. I’ll be like you, Ellen. Just probably not as rich.

“Just keep swimming,” I whispered to him.

Lmao

Ryle pushed me.

“Olive oil was everywhere. When she slipped, it was so graceful you’d think she was a ballerina.” A lie.

Yikes

“He’s not like that, Atlas. It wasn’t like that. Ryle is a good person.” He tilts his head and leans it forward a little bit. “Funny. You sound just like your mother.”

“If you don’t want to be with me… please tell me right now, Lily. Because when I saw you with him… that hurt. I never want to feel that again. And if it hurts this much now, I’m terrified to think of what it could do to me a year from now.”

Oh shut the fuuuuck uuuuuup

I reach down and pick up the bag with my three-year-old gift inside of it. I pull it out and can easily tell it’s a book, wrapped in tissue paper. I tear the tissue paper away and fall against the back of my chair. There’s a picture of Ellen DeGeneres on the front. The title is Seriously… I’m Kidding. I laugh and then open the book, gasping quietly when I see it’s autographed. I run my fingers over the words of the inscription. Lily, Atlas says just keep swimming. —Ellen DeGeneres

Okay that's incredibly cheesy-cute

He went on to tell me that the first night he was at that house, he was sitting in the living room floor with a razor blade to his wrist. Right when he was about to use it, my bedroom light went on. “You were standing there like an angel, backlit by the light of heaven,” he said. “I couldn’t take my eyes off you.”

kind of weird but ok

Five minutes. That’s all it takes to completely destroy a person.

“I can’t take this, I can’t.” He leans forward and presses his lips hard against my forehead, then rests his forehead against mine. “Please tell me you aren’t seeing him. Please.”

WE COULDN'T HAVE HAD THIS CONVERSATION BEFORE YOU PUSHED HER DOWN THE STAIRS??

“You swear, Lily? You swear on our marriage and our lives and on everything that you are that you haven’t spoken to him since that day?” He pulls back so he can look me in the eyes. “I swear, Ryle. You overreacted before giving me the chance to explain,”

YEAH

I run back to my bedroom and fall onto my bed. The same bed I share with my husband. The same bed he makes love to me on. The same bed he lays me on when it’s time for him to clean up his messes.

“Don’t take me to Mass General. Take me somewhere else.” For whatever reason, I don’t want to risk the chance of running into any of Ryle’s colleagues. I hate him. I hate him in this moment more than I’ve ever hated my father. But concern for his career still somehow breaks through the hatred. When I realize this, I hate myself just as much as I hate him.

I cry so hard, I don’t even make a noise.

“The day you gave your father’s eulogy? I know you didn’t freeze up, Lily. You stood at that podium and refused to say a single good thing about that man. It was the proudest I have ever been of you. You were the only one in my life who ever stood up for me. You were strong when I was scared.” A tear falls from her eye when she says, “Be that girl, Lily. Brave and bold.”

My mother went through it. I went through it. I’ll be damned if I allow my daughter to go through it. I kiss her on the forehead and make her a promise. “It stops here. With me and you. It ends with us.”

I’m out of breath, panting and nervous. “I forgot to tell you Emerson’s middle name.” I put my hands on my hips and exhale. “It’s Dory.”

Oh my god lol I feel bad for this child

“You can stop swimming now, Lily. We finally reached the shore.”

KINDA CRINGE BUT I'LL TAKE IT