I Got Abducted by Aliens and Now I'm Trapped in a Rom-Com

by Kimberly Lemming

But hey, that’s how you know she’s made it. Girl’s got an entire research team plotting her assassination.

My thumb slipped of its own accord and ended the call. Terrible accident, really; could have been anyone. Funny how life works.

“I’m just—so done. I’m so done, and I hate you,” I hissed, shaking my fist at the lion. “I hope you choke on my bones after you eat me! I hope they find this escape pod and probe your ass. May your entire family line be cursed with hip dysplasia! I hate you, lion!”

“Is that a fucking mosasaur?” I screamed.

“You gray bastard, I’ll eat your heart and shit out your dreams. Let go of me!”

“Right,” Toto said, walking up behind me. “You can’t just save us and not adopt us. What’s that word humans use for those animals that always stick around them? Pets? Yeah, that’s it. We’re your pets now, so you’re stuck with us. Feed me.”

Or maybe you become one of the lucky ones that lasts long enough to see your mane turn gray. If you wanna find some meaning to life, then fine, but maybe it’s just not that serious.

A look of shock crossed its face. “I…I can…think?” The frog fell very still. Then it just started screaming and didn’t stop. I pulled out my phone and added a note not to grant sentience to any other animals.