I Got Abducted by Aliens and Now I'm Trapped in a Rom-Com

by Kimberly Lemming

“Defending my kill, protecting you, the simple thrill of a fight to the death? I’m a fucking lion, take your pick.”

“Oh, I’m afraid I can’t do that. You’re mine, after all. If you’re not completely obsessed with me by nightfall, I’ll die of a broken heart.”

“How could I not be serious with a fallen star pressed against me? The world could sink into oblivion and I’d still have the honor of dying the happiest man alive.”

CORRELATION DOES NOT EQUAL CAUSATION!

Intern groaned and waved impatiently at the cul-de-sac. “Yes, yes, sandstone mashed together by tectonic plates makes a lovely picture. Now the houses, go look at the houses!” “All right, we’re going. Don’t molt over it,”

“I desperately want to be mad at you,” I said, gazing up at a portrait of Steamboat Willie choking the life out of Frankenstein’s monster. “But this is really fucking funny.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to climb some towering mountain to scream at a flower?” I tilted my head as if to consider. “There’s gotta be some decorative ferns in the spa that need a good talking-to.”

“You two are so weird. Never leave me.”