I Got Abducted by Aliens and Now I'm Trapped in a Rom-Com

by Kimberly Lemming

“Excuse me for not being able to roll with the punches after I got kidnapped by aliens,” I snapped. “Yeah, but look on the bright side.” “What’s the bright side?” I asked. Toto grinned and nudged me. “I could’ve eaten you.”

“Hmm, you’re kinda cute when you smile,” I said, grinning back at him. “Too bad I’ve always favored curiosity to men.”

“Why, man, why do you want to disembowel him?” “Defending my kill, protecting you, the simple thrill of a fight to the death? I’m a fucking lion, take your pick.”

All my life I’d fought for a place in the world that wasn’t under my mother’s thumb. Years of meditation, distracting hobbies, endless fad diets, and three sessions of pouring my heart out to a therapist in an attempt to undo the damage of her beauty pageants and the notion that I was only worth as much as the man I’d marry.

Even if we die tomorrow, we’ve walked where no one else has and seen more than most do in a lifetime. If we live to see tomorrow, great. There will be more to see and do. But for now, at least our bellies are full. Stop worrying about your life’s plan and sunbathe with me. It’s a good day.”

“For starters, you keep scratching my ear. Next, you can embrace this for what it is: an adventure. Let’s see how far we can get.” “I strive to be as unbothered as you, Toto.” He chuffed happily, leaning into my petting. “Everyone should strive to be more like me.”

Getting a pep talk from a lion was not how I expected my day to go.

small part of me still held out hope that I’d be able to find a way back home, and I grabbed on to that little bit of hope with the delusional resolve of a mediocre man in an interview for a job he had no business even applying for.