I Got Abducted by Aliens and Now I'm Trapped in a Rom-Com

by Kimberly Lemming

“Oh shoot, Mom, you’re breaking up!” I said, mimicking the sound of static. “This damn desert has the worst signal. Well, just in case, I love you.” “Dory, you don’t fool me! Don’t you dare hang up—” My thumb slipped of its own accord and ended the call. Terrible accident, really; could have been anyone. Funny how life works.

Now, to be clear, I’d been studying meerkats the past year, not lions, but I’m pretty sure pointing a shock stick at one is a great way to piss it off.

“That thing is supposed to be extinct,” I said, getting to my feet. “Well, why don’t you go tell it that?” Toto said petulantly.

Because this planet was a giant wad of “fuck Dory and the ship she crashed in on,” it started to rain. Pour, actually.