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Kindle Notes & Highlights
by
Leigh Rivers
Read between
November 28 - December 12, 2024
Rex is my only friend now. He’s silent. So am I. Mommy hates that I don’t talk to her anymore, but I like keeping things to myself. Everything I say always results in a slap across my face or her yelling at me.
He’s the only one who talks to me now without using words. My best friend. My protector. My hero until Daddy comes home.
When I turn eight, I don’t get any birthday cards or a cake like the other kids in the orphanage—I sit under the bed with a drawing of my spider and imagine a crowd of people singing happy birthday to me, and we blow out candles that I draw. I close my eyes and make a wish. I wish someone would choose me.
She won’t be taken from me. I’ll make sure of it. I’ll be good. I’ll do as I’m told. I’ll be the kid they obviously needed to complete their family. Olivia. My new little sister. I couldn’t protect my mom or Rex, but I think I could protect her. I will protect her. Because she’s mine.
There’s a boundary that society created, stopping me from falling in love with my sister, and I want to tear that boundary to fucking shreds and keep her. I’ll set fire to it and everyone who stands in my way. I love Olivia, but I’m not sure it’s the same way I grew up loving her anymore. It’s stronger, violent, and I have a feeling if she ordered me to get on my knees and kiss her fucking feet, I’d do it. Anything she asked, I’d do.
I’m imagining him in a body bag. Bloodied. Ripped to shreds. Diced and minced and pulverized. No longer in existence. No one will ever be good enough for Olivia.
I can’t take my thoughts back now—I want my sister, and I want her badly. I don’t know how I’ll manage it, but Olivia and I are going to be each other’s firsts in everything. Not yet, but in a few years when we’re old enough and fully understand how it all works.
The more I look at her, the more I realize how doomed I am. I’ve never had any luck—but she’s the rainbow I’ll fucking chase to win something more important than my own life.
I want to be happy so fucking much, but I don’t know how to be.