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“No. She has a 10 percent chance of surviving the year.”
Noooo! Oh my god!
I didn’t break down. Not until New Year’s Eve. That’s when the uniforms came to the door and ripped my strong facade to shreds with a simple sentence: We regret to inform you that your brother, SSG Ryan MacKenzie, has been killed in action.
Wait what just happened?! I was just crying about maisie and then Rebecca does this? BAWLING CRYING RIGHT NOW!
The details—where he’d been, what had happened, who he’d been with—that was all classified. When there were no more letters from Chaos, I had at least one of those answers. They were both gone. I broke.
Absolutely NOT!
I’ll save you a seat on the other side, brother, but take your time. Take every single second you can. You are the only brother I would have wished for, and my very best friend. And just in case no one ever told you—you’re worthy. Of love. Of family. Of home.
Am i going to be crying the whole time?
“I need to know what happened to Chaos. Was he there? When Ryan died? You were in the same unit, right?”
Wait she doesnt know its chaos?!
He put on such a brave face when we FaceTimed right after, but I know I let him down. I swore when they were born I’d never let them down, and now no matter what I do, one of them suffers for it.
This is actually so sad!
“Dogs don’t talk.” “Funny, that’s what your brother and I talked about, too. But sometimes you don’t need someone to talk back to you. Sometimes we just need a friend to listen, and she’s really good at that.”
Crying again!
“I like you, Mr. Beckett. You let my best friend borrow yours.”
Soooo sweet
“Like someone picks up your life and shakes it like a snow globe,” Ella offered. “It seems to take forever for the pieces to settle, and then they’re never in the same place.”
Thats deep
“Okay, what’s the most important thing about today’s game?” Colt’s expression turned fierce. “Play my position, show no fear, and tonight we dine on the souls of our enemies!”
Hahahahaha im cackling!
“Yep. Cancer is business, and business is good.”
Sick!
His mouth slammed against mine, and the rest of him came alive. One of his hands tunneled through the back of my hair while the other wrapped around my waist and tugged me even closer.
Fucking FINALLY
“All night. We have all night.” “I can work with that.” And he did. Another three times before breakfast.
hehehe i love it
“What do you think about a zip line?” Colt asked from the back of Ella’s cabin, staring up at the tree house we’d spent the last ten days building.
I knew he was going to build him a treehouse!
“You were grieving. It’s understandable. Besides, Chaos told me so much about you that I already felt like I knew you.”
WHOOP THERE IT IS!!!!
“Chaos,” Ella said that name like he was a freaking saint. “You knew him. Right. Same unit.”
Ella come on girl! Youre wayyyy smarter than this!
“How could you have hidden those from me? Why do you have his letters?”
ELLA! GIRL! Dont make me call you stupid!
“I’ll have your things boxed from my place and sent over. I don’t ever want to see you again.”
Noooooo
“Is that why you forgot about me?”
Awwww poor colt!
Every aspect of this feels like a knife is twisting in my gut, and the worst happened yesterday when Colt told me that I didn’t love him. That he’d thought I was going to be his dad and instead went and forgot about him, and then said I was a coward for not fixing us. And you know what? He’s right about the coward part. I can lie and say I know you don’t want me to fight for you, that I’m not even worthy of a second chance, but the truth is that I’m too scared to do anything but breathe for fear I’ll make it worse. I didn’t lose just you, Ella, I lost them, too. There is nothing easy about
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I love this man and Ella needs to learn that second chances arent always bad!
“We’re not getting back together.” It flew out of my mouth.
Shes being a bitch!
Because he’d put me through hell for over a year, and no matter how much I loved him, I wasn’t sure I could ever trust him with my heart again, ever trust him to tell me the truth when it came to our relationship.
This is so unfair for her to say! Shes about to piss me off!
“I need to learn to give out those second chances.
Yes you really do!
Six Months Later
I am hating this 6 months later bullshit!
“Okay. Drive safe.” She hung up, and I smiled.
I feel like something bad is about to happen
“He said goodbye while I was sleeping. He said it’s okay, and to check his pocket.”
I hope its a red leaf
It was a red leaf.
I knew it! I am literally sobbing!
“Now I’m like you, Mom.” “How, baby?” Her eyes stayed locked on Colt. “We both have brothers out here.” Another wave of grief came for me, dragging me under waves so thick I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t see my way to the surface. How did anyone live through losing a child? Why didn’t the pain simply stop my heart as it constantly threatened and send me with him? Maisie’s hand found mine, and air trickled into my lungs. “We do.” I finally found the strength to answer her. “Beckett matches us, too.” She turned her attention to where Beckett was nodding and shaking hands with the last of the line.
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I AM SOBBINGGGGG!
But Maisie had grabbed the helmet and smiled, remembering when she’d traded with Colt to wear it that night. He’d worn her halo. Like they’d known they’d eventually switch roles. Like it had been planned all along, and I’d simply missed the signs.
Oh my god! The irony of it all.
