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Silence was the best option. Silence didn’t start arguments. Silence left no room for vocal judgement.
How I wish someone would notice.
In a world short of love, I had to be wanted. I was wanted. I felt wanted. Never loved, no. But I was wanted.
Was I so bad? Was I a hard kid to take care of? Was I too needy? Too clingy? Too weak?
I proved everyone wrong. That’s all that mattered.
Best not dwell on the parts of your story you couldn’t rewrite.
Everything that intrigued me was conjured up by the assumptions I made in my head.
Maybe I fell in love with the potential of people, not who they really were.
Must be nice, I thought. To enjoy things without looking too deeply as to why you enjoyed them, why they existed – why they made you happy.
Fifteen minutes alone with my thoughts was a long time.
After all, we were the same age. The rats weren’t above me, they were beside me.
Pain became happiness. Happiness became pain. Pain became comfort, and that comfort was bliss.
Saying things out loud made them very real.
Was I not enough? Did he really even like me to begin with? Oh my God, this was all in my head, wasn’t it?
I wanted someone to hear my innermost thoughts. I didn’t want to be alone with them any longer.
But how could my poor, little brain do that to me? I wanted nothing more than to be loved.
Talking had gotten me nowhere, clearly. No one understood me.
You value love over everything, even in the absence of it.”
You downplay your pain. You act like it doesn’t exist, that it isn’t a part of you, when it became you.”
