A Semi-Definitive List of Worst Nightmares

by Krystal Sutherland

so Esther did what you’re supposed to do when a complete stranger is showing too much emotion in your presence—she ignored him completely.

there were few things worse in this world than humans.

When you have anxiety, you don’t really get to have deep breaths. Your ribs are too small to let your shriveled lungs expand beyond half their size.

technically, still alive, though his soul had died several years earlier, leaving behind a thin cadaver to be dragged slowly and messily toward the grave.

Jonah was, in fact, not unfortunate looking, which she found more annoying than she should,

Murals were a well-known gateway drug to feelings, and she couldn’t have any of that.

Losing him the first time had sucked, and had taught her a valuable life lesson: If you didn’t let people get close to you, they couldn’t hurt you when they left.

Fear was a sensible barrier that kept the living from becoming the dead,

you couldn’t convince someone to love you if she wouldn’t.

Maybe it wouldn’t be this time, or the next time, or the time after that, but Jonah would eventually get tired of her.

Eventually get so frustrated by her inability to be normal that he would leave.

People got tired of mental illness when they found out they couldn’t fix it.

Once you love someone, no matter who they are, you’ll always let them destroy you. Every single time.”

Even the very best people found ways to hurt the ones they loved.

Anxious people always thought the world revolved around them, but knowing the truth didn’t make it any easier to stop believing the lie.

where the local geese were made of beaks and hatred.

People only understood mental illness up to a certain point. Beyond that point, their patience waned.

Love was a trap, a sticky trap of molasses meant to bind two people together.

As soon as you admitted to loving someone, you suddenly had a lot to lose.

You freely gave them a way to hurt you.

A thousand little pieces of his soul had splintered off and dug themselves into her.

“It isn’t about you. Not at all. It never has been. You can love someone with all your soul and still hate yourself enough to want to die.”

This just proves to me that love was exactly what I thought it was all along. The power to cause pain.”

Jonah had given her to them willingly, against her wishes.

that was unforgivable.

If a person could offer you nothing but broken promises and disappointment, was love enough to make up for that?

We loved to love because it made us beautiful.

Maybe we deserved to be beautiful.