Satan's In Your Kitchen: A Lysander O'Connor Novel

by Charlotte Zang

“I’m not human therefore I have no age. I’m a being of super natural powers. I don’t really exist in the sense that other things do.” Lucifer was not terribly happy to be asked such silly questions by a man who obviously thought it was perfectly normal to treat the Prince of Darkness in such a nonchalant manner. He existed, that was enough. “I see.” Aidan did not see.

I mean God creates differently than the rest of us, but a son is a son. Does He catch any flak about having an illegitimate son? No, because it was His will. A will, mind you, that I had to help Him cover up I’ll have you know. Well you’ve seen God, quite a dashing fellow, always had a way with women. But He’s a selfish git and you bloody humans don’t need me or any of my kind to corrupt your perverted souls anymore. You are so like Him. All that, and more, are the reasons why I’m calling it quits!”

“I am not making excuses. Have you seen the technology those humans have come up with. I must say I’m quite proud of them for the large advances they have made in medicine and science. A plague?” God guffawed. “They’d have the thing cured before anyone outside of a third world continent was harmed.

“You can blame their advances on your choice to create them in your image. They are an ambitious bunch. All they’re after is knowledge and creation and making things better and faster.” God chimed in. “They use it for their own profit, they use it for destruction and not to better the world and ensure all creatures are taken care of. It’s not what I had intended for them. I gave them this intelligence so that they could make their lives better and what path they chose was always in their own hands.” God examined His hands recognizing they were in need of a manicure.

“What about Christ? When is his second visit scheduled?” “Not for another decade or so.” God mumbled into his palm.

Because if you don’t, I will hunt you down in the bowels of Hell and force you to listen to all of the albums by Creed until your ears bleed and you beg for death.” Lucifer raised his eyebrows at her. Aidan swallowed hard and resisted the urge to move away from her. “You are a very harsh, sadistic woman.”