Broken by the Horde King (Horde Kings of Dakkar, #4)

by Zoey Draven

“I do not love you, Maeva,” he said, his words slicing through the air like a blade. Coming right at me. “Not in the way you want me to.”

“They were just words. I didn’t want to hurt you! But I realize now that I should have been clear from the beginning.”

I may seem pathetic to you. But I was never afraid to love you, Kiran. And I certainly never felt ashamed that I did. Not until right now.”

How did I say goodbye to someone that I’d known almost my entire life? How did I say goodbye to someone that I’d loved for nearly twelve years—someone

“Then it is his loss, Maeva, because you have so much to give,” my sister told me, pressing a kiss to my cheek. “One day, he will realize that. He will realize his mistake.”

Twelve years. It took him twelve years to break my heart. It would be nine years before I saw Kiran of Rath Okkili again.

It made me remember the betrayal I’d felt. That he’d left the saruk in the middle of the night without saying goodbye.

She didn’t…care? She wasn’t happy or upset to see me. My seffi, whose laugh and smile were permanently imprinted on my mind, was indifferent to my presence, like I was a passing Vorakkar she didn’t even know.

“I am no one to him,” I said. The words…hurt. Oddly enough. But it was a dull kind of ache.

Kiran didn’t have the power to hurt me. Never again. Not unless I gave it to him. And I knew I never would.

When I turned to look at him, I was proud that I felt nothing. No throbbing aches. No pricking of desire. No pitiful little flutters of my treacherous heart.

Finally, he grunted, “My horde is my home.” Something hardened further in my chest. I nodded, but it was almost to myself. The throbbing of hurt that I felt at his words surprised me.

One breath in, one breath out. “I never wanted you to see them,” came his guttural rasp.

“Love ends,” she said simply. Quietly. “Maybe it’s better to choose stability.” I barely concealed my flinch. I felt her words hit me like a strike across the face.

“Maeva—” I started, but she cut me off. “You’re cruel, Kiran,” she whispered. “Have you ever realized just how much?” I stiffened. “Nine years is a long time,” she continued, “but I don’t think you’ve changed at all.”

You’re cruel, Kiran. Have you ever realized just how much? She’d said something similar to me the last night I saw her.

It didn’t matter. Because I didn’t trust him. As such, I would never be in danger of loving him again.

As that last statement reached my ears, my hand drifted to the valley of my breasts and I felt a burning in my throat. Though small, my mother’s pendant was heavy and comforting.

everything smoothed out. Before her frustration and anger disappeared entirely and I was left with her indifference again. It felt like a punch in the gut, just like it had the previous night.

I had promised to make her remember. Remember me. Remember the girl she’d once been. Remember everything. But she didn’t want to. She refused to. Because I’d hurt her and I’d done it knowingly. Purposefully. Cruelly. Because she hated me.

Until that moment, however, until she showed me a glimmer of what we’d once had together, until she snatched it back away…until that moment, I hadn’t realized how deep that hatred ran. She didn’t want anything to do with me.

“I don’t hate you, Kiran,” I told him softly, taking my blade in my hand, starting at the top stitch, popping it open with the sharp tip. “I never have.” I just…can’t go back to how we were before, I finished quietly in my mind. It would break me.

Because I’d always known how she felt about me. Because a part of me had always felt…unfaithful to her.

I had betrayed Maeva’s trust so many times that it was a wonder she’d stayed my friend at all.

I’m not ashamed of it. Because I loved you as best as I could. And as young as I was…what I felt for you was still pure. My mother told me that. That I should be proud that my heart had been open enough to love you like that, without fear.”

“But I am ashamed that I wasted so much time loving you,” she said. My chest tightened, a dull, throbbing, familiar ache spreading. “So much of my life.”

“I know. I believe that,” she whispered. “But you did it anyway, Kiran. And you made it hurt so much worse.” I flinched, another aching pain threading through my chest.

Well, Kiran had broken me. Then I had broken me. And I hadn’t healed properly, from either of those times.

What the vok are you doing? Because if I had a female I wanted above all else, you better believe I wouldn’t watch her dance and smile and laugh with another male.”

she wasn’t a something. She was everything.

She’d claimed she would never have me. I wanted to make a liar out of her. I wanted to show her that I had been worthy of her love all those years ago.

“Are you…are you mocking me?” she breathed, her eyes wide. In that moment, she couldn’t hide her hurt. I saw it, striking me like a blade in the chest, before she covered it with an expression of detachment. Nik.

When I reached the edge of the lake, I realized I was crying. And somehow it felt like a betrayal.

“You didn’t know,” I said quietly. I envisioned my words drifting across the surface of the lake. “You didn’t know.

that decision was that I never wanted to leave Maeva’s side again…and I never wanted her to leave mine.

It had always been her. It always would be. After that decision flowed through me, pure relief followed. Like a breath of air when I’d been submerged for so long. A weight off my shoulders.

Quietly, I murmured, “You belong with me, seffi. In my furs. It is there that you will sleep from now on.”

finally, I brought my female to our bed.

Kiran had never been attracted to me. I wouldn’t fool myself into thinking that he’d suddenly changed his mind.

he made it all too easy for me to love him. I would never love him again. I couldn’t. Because if I did, it might destroy me completely this time around.

Maeva’s love then had been so pure, so complete, that it had frightened me. But I wasn’t afraid anymore. I had been…foolish. Cowardly. But I’d been young.

My brave, confident Maeva. I had hurt her so many times that she carried some wounds I wasn’t even aware of.

bared myself to you. And all I remember is the way you looked at me. Like my body repulsed you. Like I did. And I knew then that you truly didn’t desire me…though I had hoped you would. For so long.” Vok. Vok, vok, vok. I was such a vokking fool.

if I could change it, I would,” he told me. And I heard the truth in his voice. “I think about that night all the time. And if I could change it, I would have claimed you on that cliffside and stolen you away to my horde before you could change your mind about me.”

“I can’t change what happened between us that night,” he said, his voice dropping low again. Gruff. “But I’m not that male anymore, Maeva. I’m not afraid anymore. I might not be worthy of your love, seffi—truthfully, I might not ever be—but I can promise that I am the best male for you in this entire universe. And I will prove it to you.”

“I-I will be. Don’t look at me like that.” Kiran grinned. “You will be my Morakkari, Maeva,” he vowed. “And I will convince you to accept me as your mate. Any way possible.

“I’ll think about it,” I said, brow rising. “But it might take a little more than a night for you to convince me.” My challenge spread in his gaze. I saw it. And I realized that I knew exactly how to deal with Kiran.

“Knowing you’re in my bed. Waking beside you. So vokking right, seffi

“I have never courted a female before, Maeva,” he murmured. “It will only be you.”

“Rei kassiri,” I whispered softly, stroking Roon’s nose.